I'm not inviting my fiancé's family to our wedding because they don't give gifts

"You are celebrating your union, not collecting an entrance fee," one user replied to the bride-to-be. But others asked, "Who the hell doesn't bring a wedding gift?!"

Image: IStock

Planning a wedding can often highlight a couple's differing values. 

From how much to spend on flowers to whether or not you should fork out for a live band, seemingly small decisions can turn into fiery disagreements.

One bride-to-be has recently asked for advice online after realising her fiancé has a vastly different perspective to her in regards to wedding gifts... and how important it is that guests bring them. 

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Image: IStock

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"It's not about the gifts, it's the principle of showing thanks for time, money and effort"

"My partner and I recently became engaged. We plan on having about 40 guests, mostly from his side as I only have one living relative whereas he comes from a large family," the post begins.

The woman then explains that she set up a wedding website featuring a registry and wishlist, to offer gift inspiration for guests.

The wishlist contained a range of household items, all priced under $80. The cheapest item, ceramic measuring spoons, was priced at $25, while the most expensive, a porcelain dinner set, was $75.

She then asked her partner to review the website but he told her that his extended family members probably won't give them wedding gifts. 

"He said that at most we might get a bottle of wine from somebody (I don't drink alcohol), but that we would not get anything from his aunts, uncles, cousins etc. so doing a registry is 'a bit much' given nobody is going to look at it," she continued. 

"Not bringing a gift is entitled and lacking any class"

In total shock, the OP explained that she thinks it's the "height of bad manners to attend a party/wedding/birthday and not bring a gift of some sort"

"I cannot imagine going to an event someone has organised for me - eating a three-course meal they've paid for, dancing to a DJ they've paid for, drinking the drinks they've paid for - and not even bothering to buy them a $25 kettle. I think it's extremely entitled and lacking in any class," she explained. 

She then told her partner that she would find it "deeply disrespectful" if his family did indeed come to the wedding without gifts and it would "sour the whole event."

So, she suggested that they be uninvited pre-emptively to save herself the disappointment on the big day. 

She wrote, "I told him that if any of his relatives could not be bothered to bring a gift to the wedding then I would rather they not attend at all. I'm not happy paying to entertain someone who can't even show the good manners to offer a token 'thank you'."

She later clarified that it's not about the gifts ("we have a perfectly fine toaster") but it's the "principle of showing thanks for time, money and effort" spent on giving everyone a good time. 

Her partner thinks she's overreacting and turning into a "diva bride who gets her idea of what weddings look like from social media". 

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"You are celebrating your union, not collecting an entrance fee"

Some users thought the OP needed a hefty reality check. One person bluntly wrote: "You're the a**hole in this situation - you're not spending that money on them, you're spending it on YOUR WEDDING! Are you getting married for the gifts, or for the man you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with? How do you think it will affect future relationships with his family if you pull this entitled stunt literally right out of the gates of the marriage? You have chosen this to be your hill and I fear that you will not make it out."

"You are celebrating your union, not collecting an entrance fee," someone else added in reply. "It may be disappointing should people choose not to give a token gift, but please don't keep score and turn vindictive. No one is actively plotting to 'disrespect you'."

"I wouldn’t assume his family are freeloaders as it appears that it’s a custom within the family to not do gifts. Many families are like that and if the groom is fine with it then the bride needs to drop it. It's not rude if it's an established tradition..." pointed out a third commenter. 

Someone else echoed this sentiment, writing: "Why blow up your relationship with his family over some cheap gifts you don't need?"

And then this woman made the point, "You can't uninvite someone for maybe not bringing a gift. Let them commit the faux pas then deal with it after."

"Who doesn't give a gift for a wedding?

On the other hand, other people agreed with the OP it was rude not to bring a gift.

"You're not the a**hole because you're not fussing about the value of the gifts - just the fact they're not bringing one at all. Who doesn't give a gift for a wedding?" someone mentioned. 

"You are not a diva for expecting a wedding gift from guests especially as you have created a list of very price-accessible gifts," a second wrote. 

"Whilst everyone always says gifts are not an expectation I would never dream of showing up to someone’s wedding without a gift. People spend so much on each guest at a wedding whilst it is their choice to do that - it's kind of rude to literally give nothing," concluded someone else. 

Originally published as I'm not inviting my fiancé's family to our wedding because they don't give gifts