‘You are not crazy’: Private investigators reveal tricks cheaters use to hide their affairs

Using cameras hidden in cars, key-rings and coffee cups, private investigators reveal the incredible webs of deceit cheaters weave rather than admit to having an affair.

Cheaters are being caught by their spouses, who are using cameras hidden in cars, key rings and coffee cups as their partners refuse to admit to having an affair, private investigators have revealed.

While the methods of deceit are often mind-boggling, three private investigators who spoke to the Sunday Mail say there is some consistency in how accused cheaters react.

Most of those who have affairs won’t admit to it, but instead tell their spouses they are “crazy” and paranoid” as part of a vicious web of deceit.

“Most of the time, it’s what we now call gaslighting,” David King from Lipstick Investigations said.

Private eye David King has built a career catching cheaters. In his world, infidelity is a booming business and there is no busier day than Valentine’s Day. Picture: Brad Fleet/ News Corp Australia

“But 80 per cent of the time they are actually having an affair. It can be unexplained absences, sudden work trips, new passcodes on phones, new perfume, or even a revitalised sex life can be tell tale signs.”

Adelaide Security and Investigations owner Julian, who did not want his surname published, said detail-rich lies, mixing truth with lies, having a second phone or saying they had extra work trips or extra working-out routines were some of the most common tactics among cheaters. Many stayed in unsatisfying marriages because it was financially convenient to do so.

“They will tell the person they are paranoid, they are insecure or possessive,” Julian said. “They try to turn the situation around and make it the other person’s fault.”

Lipstick Investigations pictured with video camera they use as part of her investigations.

Private investigator Paul, who works with Infidelity Private Investigators and also did not want his surname published, said people would rather let their partners go mad than admit to infidelity.

“We followed one lady who had denied having an affair,” he said. “But she went for a short rendezvous at a hotel, walking back to the office, and has to stop in to get a blow-dry at a local hair salon to make sure that her hair looked back to normal before coming back to the office because she was a very senior executive.”

In another case, a woman contacted Infidelity Private Investigators to say her husband had suddenly lost interest in sex. He said he was stressed from work, but a PI followed him to find the man – who identified as straight – was seeing a younger man.

Most people keep their affairs secret from partners. Picture: iStock

Body+Soul’s 2024 Sex Census surveyed more than 2000 Australians and found Aussies were not that faithful, with one in three having cheated or considered cheating, and up to 46 per cent of Australians who had indulged in affairs keeping it secret.

Therapist Chris Hannan said when she found out her boyfriend of two years was cheating, he denied it, but she ultimately ended it.

“I had the proof,” she said.

“I am a pretty self-sufficient, so I just ended it right there.”

Body+Soul’s 2024 Sex Census surveyed more than 2000 Australians and found Aussies were not that faithful.

Therapist Chris Hannan. Picture: Supplied

Ms Hannan said many relationships could recover from an affair, but for that to happen, the person having that affair needed to admit they did it and “it was the wrong thing to do”.

Research shows that 23 per cent of men and 19 per cent of women cheat, but less than one in 10 admit to it when asked by their spouse.

Originally published as ‘You are not crazy’: Private investigators reveal tricks cheaters use to hide their affairs