The two ‘common dating mistake’ singles make

It’s one of the most cited-reasons not to date someone – but it can be one of the biggest errors you can make when looking for a relationship.

Let’s face it – dating can be an absolute minefield.

While there’s now more dating apps and websites than you could ever flirt through during your lifetime, finding that special someone only seems to have become more challenging.

But according to one dating expert there’s a common mistake many singles are making – and it could be stopping you from meeting ‘The One’.

Speaking on this week’s episode ofnews.com.au podcast Kinda Sorta Dating, relationships coach and MAFS expert Mel Schilling said that too many people got caught up on having a “type” and deal breakers.

“So often I hear – whether it’s on MAFS or in just talking to people out in the world or with clients – people saying, ‘this person’s not my type’ and we can get so hung up on this idea of type,” she told host Jana Hocking.

When dating, not knowing the difference between relationship preferences and deal breakers can be a huge mistake.

“I want to throw that word out the window, it doesn’t serve us, it is not helpful.

“Basically it means this person is not the same as all the other people I’ve dated from a cookie cutter in the past.”

Mel said it was crucial to be able to differentiate between a relationship preference and a deal breaker.

“I would say that this is one of the most common dating mistakes I see, which is going in to a potential new relationship with really fixed ideas about what you want and almost like one picture of one person who can only be right for you because that doesn’t exist of course, we know that,” she said.

“I find a lot of people get really confused with the idea of deal breakers and always use it as this all-encompassing idea of anything that you don’t really want in a relationship.

“But I’d divide it into two categories … genuine deal breakers and relationship preferences.”

Mel Schilling. Picture: Sprinkler Media.

Kinda Sorta Dating host Jana Hocking. Picture: Instagram/Jana Hocking.

What is a relationship deal breaker?

According to Mel, deal breakers were any “red flags” about a person that showed they didn’t align to your core values.

Core values could be things like honesty, living a healthy lifestyle or anything else you viewed as a non-negotiable issue of importance in your life.

“If people are really, really honest with themselves they probably only have between one and three genuine deal breakers and these tend to be so deep-seated, they’re linked to your core values,” Mel said.

Unlike deal breakers a relationship preference is ‘flexible’. Picture: iStock.

What is relationship preferences?

On the flip side relationship preferences could be “many and varied”, but most importantly “they’re flexible”, she explained.

“This is where you’d put height, maybe how far away they live from me, the kind of hobbies they’re into,” Mel said.

“All that stuff that’s a little bit more superficial, and really in the grand scheme of things if the compatibility is there and you’ve got that good values alignment and similar beliefs about life and what you want in your life and your life goals, then it doesn’t matter that they’re not the height that you were expecting, those are the things you can compromise on.”

Originally published as The two ‘common dating mistake’ singles make