‘Freaks me out’: If you wear this, it’s 100% why you’re single

Aussie men have revealed the little things women wear that instantly set off alarm bells, and it could explain why you’re still alone.

Men are apparently terrified of pearl earrings, and the revelation is seemingly sending single women into a mild crisis.

The bizarre theory, which was spawned by a handful of blokes (aka the known gatekeepers of female fashion) and was recently unpacked by the New York Post, suggests that the expensive jewellery item gives off “high-maintenance vibes”.

Pearls are also majorly “intimidating” the men said, meaning women who wear them are walking red flags for potential suitors.

Popular content creator Morgan McGuire shared her bewildered reaction to the classic piece of jewellery on TikTok in June, joking, “No wonder I’m single.”

Her video clocked 500,000 views and sparked 230 comments, all asking the same thing: what in the pearl-powered madness is this?

Curious as to whether the pearl earring panic was just the beginning, I turned to several group chats to investigate what other accessories send Gen Z and Millennial men running for cover.

“Tiny bags. If it’s so small that my car keys won’t fit, what’s the point? And if a woman has a lanyard for their phone I assume they’re a little careless and used to losing things.”

“Insanely long nails. Can’t type on a keyboard length.”

“Yeah long nails freak me out,” another Aussie male agreed. “They’re on their phone and it’s like clicky click clack f**k.”

Sounds like getting your nails done is only acceptable if they don't make noise. Picture: iStock

“The necklace with the girl’s name. It irks me. I feel it’s slightly unsafe and similar to when guys have tattoos on themselves with their last name.”

“Yeah that’s a weird one,” replied a Kiwi in his 30s. “Why do you need to wear your own name?”

“Excessive amounts of rings and gold, gaudy jewellery. Wearing that much bling is ridiculous.”

“I know this will insult everyone, but Oodies are dumb as. Why are you wearing them in public?”

“Those bikinis that are essentially floss, scrunch bum tights, and high heels for all the short kings out there.”

“Big gold nose rings make me think of cows. And I don’t like full sleeve tattoos.” Ouch, what happened to grunge is the new glam?

“My girlfriend has a fluffy pink jacket from Costco that has grey Mickey Mouse shapes all over it. I have suggested more than once that we should burn it.”

Said girlfriend was in the chat – someone is sleeping on the couch tonight.

Is carrying a tiny handbag the equivalent of wearing pearls? Picture: iStock/Getty

Other answers included ribbed jeans, fake lashes, eyeshadow up to the brows, toe socks, big fly eye sunglasses, leopard print, animal fur and Madonna/Monroe lip piercings.

Meanwhile, some clearly didn’t understand the meaning of “accessory”.

“Do lip fillers count?”

“A knife. Unless it’s a personal cheese knife, then I’d be down on one knee.”

“A gun holster.” Okay mate, we don’t live in America. And since when wasn’t Lara Croft a universal hall pass?

And one message from my brother-in-law felt a little too personal.

“Bulldogs footy shorts. Straight up hate crime.”

But fear not – because here’s the groundbreaking truth: if a guy’s swiping left over any of this, there’s a good chance he’s rocking Crocs and still proudly owns a Ben 10: Alien Force velcro wallet.

Male edition coming soon. Stay mad girlies.

Originally published as ‘Freaks me out’: If you wear this, it’s 100% why you’re single