Chantelle Otten reveals biggest mistake Aussies make in the bedroom

Australia’s foremost sex expert has revealed the biggest mistake people make in the bedroom with their partners.

Australia’s foremost sex expert has revealed the biggest mistake people make in the bedroom.

Chantelle Otten, whose new podcast, Sex Therapy: Sessions with Chantelle Otten, is out on Audible today, is a psycho-sexologist (“a fancy word for sex therapist, not psychotic sexologist”) and author of The Sex Ed You Never Had.

Speaking to news.com.au’s podcast I’ve Got News For You, Otten shared the one thing Aussies are doing wrong when it comes to being intimate with a partner.

“They assume what their partner wants or needs, because the last time they liked [a certain thing], so they’ll like it again this time. And then they start assuming [that] every single time they go into sex, and then you end up having the same sex,” she explained.

“It’s like going to the same restaurant and having the same meal. Every time you go out on date night, you start not wanting to go to that restaurant anymore. You know what you’re going to get. You’re like, ‘It’s good, but it’s not exciting me anymore. I’m not anticipating greatness.’”

Psycho-sexologist Chantelle Otten. Picture: Cybele Malinowski/Supplied

As for how to combat it?

“Don’t assume. Mix it up, change up the days, the time, the locations, and the activities,” Otten suggested.

“We get lost in our sexual relationships, but also our long-term relationships. And we lose our curiosity. And I think that’s very harmful.”

Asked whether it’s about asking your partner whether they “want to do something different this time or want to try something else”, Otten said: “You can do that.”

Otten’s new podcast is an opportunity for listeners to be a ‘fly on the wall’ during her sex therapy sessions. Picture: Supplied

“But you can also suggest it yourself, right? Like, you can buy your partner a sex toy. Or you can say, ‘Hey, why don’t we – let’s do it in the car’ or, ‘Hey, if you have time tomorrow morning, I’d love to spend some time with you’ – that kind of thing.

“It’s not always about, ‘Hey, do you want something different?’ … Because that’s putting your partner on the spot. Like, why don’t you think of something more creative? And why don’t you do it, bring something to table here.”

The 32-year-old’s new podcast is an opportunity for listeners to be a “fly on the wall” during her sex therapy sessions – hearing about people’s real life experiences, difficulties with sex, challenges they might have and receiving therapy.

‘We get lost in our sexual relationships, but also our long-term relationships. And we lose our curiosity. And I think that’s very harmful.’ Picture: Cybele Malinowski/Supplied

So if, for example, you want to improve your sex life with a partner who is “and always has been” a “dud root” – the dilemma of one of I’ve Got News For You’s listeners – Otten shared the following tips.

“There’s so many things that you can do. First of all, change your language – because it sucks,” she said.

“Second of all, you need to practice empathy and understanding, and remember that everyone’s desires and needs are different.

“Also, we don’t get born being good sexual partners – we have to learn as we go. So, put yourself in your partner’s shoes, try and understand their perspective, avoid judgment or criticism, and approach the situation with compassion and understanding.

“Say, ‘I want to work on our sex life, and I want to do this with you. So let’s look at some websites … and let’s learn how to have great sex. I’m here with you on this journey, I want to be a better sexual partner to you.’ And really work together on it, and communicate openly and honestly in a very kind and compassionate way.”

Otten's new podcast, Sex Therapy: Sessions with Chantelle Otten, is out on Audible today.

As Otten pointed out, “no one’s going to want to have sex with you if you’re being mean and saying, ‘You’re a f***ing dud root’”.

“I wouldn’t want to have sex with anyone who said that to me – I would go and find someone else to have sex with who is going to be compassionate,” she added.

“Be willing to compromise and find ways to meet in the middle. Be patient, explore other alternatives like sex toys, find lots of way to have intimacy within your relationship. And seek professional help if you need it as well.”

Sex Therapy: Sessions with Chantelle Otten, is available to listen to for free on Audible now

Originally published as Chantelle Otten reveals biggest mistake Aussies make in the bedroom