Why we married in the park with just our cat as a witness
The arrival of Covid may have ruined many marriage plans but it has also prompted couples to re-evaluate what really matters when it comes to their big day.
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It used to be that to elope was to steal away, to make a discreet, forbidden-fruit dash to tie the knot.
But the world has changed and the wedding industry, like so many other aspects of pandemic life, has been tipped on its head.
With interstate and international guest travel cruelled and countless stories of heartbreaking last-minute cancellations, postponements and pared-back, reimagined Plan Bs that have turned into Plan Cs or even Plan Ds, there has been some significant changes in the wedding industry.
Many brides and grooms are now embracing a trend towards eloping – where just the couple and two witnesses are present – or “micro-weddings” with up to only 20 or 30 guests.
Big, fat wedding extravaganzas are giving way to more intimate, casual gatherings without the largesse, stress and cost of an epic go-through-the-motions ceremony and reception.
Gone are any connotations of running away without approval, eloping is now considered romantic and exciting, a grand gesture, even, in the spirit of grandparents who married during the Great Depression.
Eloping in a pandemic has become a story of love prevailing, a family legend to tell the grandkids.
Elopement photographer Romana Saeheng has worked in the wedding industry for 20 years.
She founded her Elope Brisbane business in mid 2019 on the wave of what she says has been a gradual trend over the years towards smaller, intimate weddings, in line with higher costs of living, housing becoming more unattainable, couples starting their families before getting married and fewer couples’ parents footing a wedding bill.
Covid has also forced a sharp focus on what is really important and meaningful.
“It’s been a gradual trend where the importance of a really big wedding has been becoming less of a priority,” Saeheng, 41, says.
“But there has been a huge explosion in elopement packages since Covid. Pretty much every celebrant and every photographer now offers one.
“With lockdowns and people losing jobs, it puts things into perspective. Covid has been terrible and there has been a lot of carnage across the wedding industry but the one good thing has been people reassessing what is really important.
“And they realise the importance is not the wedding but the marriage.”
April Lea had a vision of her wedding that incorporated lots of beautiful flowers in a sophisticated colour palette of blush pinks and faded greens.
She would stand at the altar with her husband-to-be and wed him with a backdrop of fairy lights against a floor-to-ceiling black curtain.
There would be a stunning hanging flower arbour and floral garlands lining the aisles.
The sit-down reception at a fashionable Fortitude Valley events venue would feature hanging floral installations and flowers arranged along the tables.
She had planned the details for more than a year. International guests were attending, everything was booked and paid for.
It was going to be perfect.
But Lea, 28, a software engineering director, and her betrothed, Tim George, 33, a lawyer, were caught in the early, uncertain turbulence of Covid. Just weeks from their wedding date of April 17, 2020, they realised it was doomed.
Lea and George, of Hamilton, in Brisbane’s inner north, decided they did not want to postpone their wedding another year (April-May was the only suitable time for their international guests to travel) so they threw their plans to the wind and, with talk of indefinite lockdowns, they moved their wedding forward.
Far from the vision of their dream wedding day, they ended up marrying in a hastily organised elopement in New Farm Park with a videographer, a photographer and their cat, Dot, as their only “guest’’.
Restrictions meant Lea wasn’t even able to get her hair and makeup done so she watched YouTube videos and did it herself.
George, meanwhile, bought bakery cupcakes and a bottle of champagne. At the park, he laid a white sheet on the ground and scattered flowers.
It was nothing like Lea ever imagined but, she says, it was romantic as hell.
“Our (original) wedding had been quite stressful to plan. I wanted it to be beautiful,” Lea says.
“Three weeks out from the wedding, when everything was paid for, the lockdowns started and I was devastated.
“We thought about April 2021 but I just wanted to be married. We knew more restrictions were coming so we just decided to go for it and elope. Up until that point I had never thought of doing that.
“No one is quite prepared for the heartbreak of postponing a wedding and changing plans but, in the end, I loved our ceremony and the intimacy of it. It was really lovely and I wouldn’t change anything for the world.’’
Lea and George, who now have an eight-month-old son named Teddy, did not even have a celebrant at their park ceremony, instead reading their wedding vows to each other and exchanging wedding rings.
They visited the Brisbane registry office to formalise the marriage the following day.
The couple lost more than $20,000 in unused deposits, including catering, venue hire, flowers and lighting. They have contemplated a vow renewal ceremony to use their vendor credit but life has moved on.
“That is painful,” Lea admits.
“We basically paid for a wedding we didn’t get but trying to find the right time now to use that credit and have a big party … it’s just not a feasible idea for us at the moment and we are happy to just leave it.
“But I would like a do-over of the honeymoon. We were meant to go to Italy in June (2020) for four weeks. We will definitely be going to Italy the first chance we get.’’
Brisbane couple Megan and Jason Hunt had their first wedding date set for May 2020. They planned to be married at a park near the marina at Raby Bay with a reception at a hall in Cleveland.
They had booked the venue, photographer, food, cake, entertainment (a solo singer/guitarist), with 100 guests, some travelling from interstate.
They had also fully paid for a seven-night honeymoon to Fiji, leaving the day after their wedding.
When Covid started its chaos, their first thought was that they might not make it to Fiji. But it soon became clear the whole wedding plan was in jeopardy.
They tried to reschedule for November 2020 but their venue, nervous about accepting liability for people following the ever-changing rules, wasn’t able to commit.
And so, the third plan came to be: get married on August 22, 2020, in a park opposite their Cleveland house, followed by a big backyard reception for 100 guests.
Megan, 41, a primary school teacher, and Jason, 48, a relationships manager for a car fleet company, who have five children between them (Mitchell, 19, Jackson, 18, Kobe, 13, Joe, 13, and Maggie, 11), planned their whole wedding again.
They bought food for grazing boards and nibbles, drinks, ordered catered wood-fired pizzas, hired a marquee, party lights, bar stools and an entertainer and put up fencing for privacy.
On the morning of the big day, the backyard was set up and the drinks were on ice.
Megan was at a hotel with her daughter about to go out for breakfast and a pedicure when her photographer, Romana Saeheng, rang her to tell her new restrictions had been put in place “effective immediately’’.
“In the lead-up there had been a really good period of consistent restrictions and a fairly normal way of life. We really thought we’d made it,” Megan says.
“Then Romana rang me … I was completely in shock. Everything just crumbled.
“We decided, no matter what, we were going to get married that day because we’d already postponed it.
“As it turned out, we could go to a venue that had a Covid-safe plan for up to 50 people but we couldn’t have anything in our yard. You could also be at a park but you couldn’t gather.’’
Megan and Jason made new wedding plans on the fly. They married in the park with just their children, their celebrant (who is Jason’s brother Travis) and Saeheng. Their parents watched on from a distance.
Afterwards, they went to a function room at the Wellington Point Hotel with half their guests where they paid for food and drinks again while their backyard wedding supplies remained unused.
“We had to un-invite half our wedding and we had only our immediate family – Jason has a big family – at the reception. It was a thrown-together finger food and bar.
“Nothing worked out as we thought, we lost money and it ended up being a lot of stress.
“If we’d known then what we know now, we would have kept our wedding a lot simpler.
“I really like the elopement packages that are on offer. But having all these experiences makes you realise what is important. The people we loved were there. It still worked out, I married my love and we made lemonade out of lemons. We still had a lovely time.’’
The couple ended up having another reception for all their guests (except those from interstate) and they finally got their honeymoon – to Cairns, not Fiji – last month.
Amy Parfett is the co-founder of Australian and New Zealand online wedding planning platform Wedshed, set up in 2015 with Mel McBride.
Based in Sydney, Parfett, 35, says Covid “put a rocket’’ up what had been a gradual trend away from “cookie cutter, going through the motions” weddings.
“There’s nothing quite like a global pandemic to force you to stop and reassess what is really important. Covid has given people the pause to think about what is the whole point of getting married,” she says.
“Small weddings and elopements were on the rise but Covid really put a kicker to it and we do expect to see more of those small, intimate celebrations.
“It’s also less risky to plan a small wedding at the moment.”
Even couples who still want the whole shebang, Parfett says, now have much more considered spending on things that really matter to them.
Couples still may spend $30,000 or more on flowers but it is because that is what they want to do with their budget, not because they feel they have to.
Likewise, many couples are more conservative with their budget and really focus on the things that reflect their personality.
In December 2020, Wedshed surveyed about 1700 of its followers and found more than one in three couples (36 per cent) postponed their wedding due to Covid in 2020, with 80 per cent postponing once and 20 per cent needing to postpone twice or more.
Couples’ wedding plans were affected by many factors, most commonly reduced guest numbers (61 per cent), removed dancefloors (45 per cent) and having a micro-wedding and a big party later (33 per cent).
However, as time has passed and as Covid restrictions have lingered, the number of couples still planning their “big party” has diminished.
A new Wedshed Instagram survey in August found about half of those couples who eloped or had a micro-wedding were no longer planning any further celebrations.
More than 2100 people were also asked if they were open to the idea of eloping or holding a micro-wedding since the pandemic, with almost 80 per cent answering “yes”.
“A lot of couples intended to have a big party afterwards but they had that small intimate wedding and they now realise that’s all they needed. Now they wouldn’t change it even if they could,” Parfett says.
“These couples are providing such positive feedback of their small wedding experience that other couples are seeing that and it’s giving them the confidence to do it also.”
Covid has also inspired Wedshed to launch a new digital wedding registry called Gravy that supports non-monetary gifts.
With many people experiencing job loss or tight financial situations due to Covid, couples are increasingly uncomfortable asking for cash in the “wishing well”.
Described as “Airtasker meets wedding registry”, Gravy allows for a “give” option of “time, energy and love” instead of cash.
Couples can ask for anything that is out of goodwill or takes time – it could be to dog sit, help regrout the bathroom, bake their wedding cake, help paint the house, plant a garden, or create an awesome playlist.
“It’s developed off the back of this pandemic,” Parfett says. “It’s a trade of time, energy, love and favours instead of money. We’re formalising the (share) economy through a wedding lens.
“Once upon a time weddings used to be about bringing families together but somewhere along the way it became quite a commercialised operation. We love the idea of getting back to the roots of what a wedding is. Covid has given us the nudge in that direction.”
Perhaps a surprise business to thrive in Covid times is high-end jewellery.
In line with couples more carefully considering how they spend their money, many are investing in quality jewellery to celebrate their marriage.
Brisbane jeweller Margot McKinney, the fourth generation to work in the family business that started in 1884, says she has been “significantly busier” since Covid.
“It’s my opinion that weddings have strayed from the true meaning of the day. They were so big and becoming more of an event than the marriage of two people,” she says.
“The really important thing about a wedding is the actual marriage between two people and jewellery is a really important part of that.
“It’s lovely when the true essence of a marriage is the focus of the day, when the wedding is beautiful and meaningful and all about the bride and groom.”
McKinney, 61, owns her business, Margot McKinney (but widely known as The Green Door) in Brisbane’s Fortitude Valley and also sells her jewellery at luxury American department stores Neiman Marcus and Bergdorf Goodman. Her bespoke designs adorn A-list celebrities and public figures.
She says Covid lockdowns saw people spending more time at home with their loved ones, realising what and who was most important to them.
“I’m very aware of businesses that have had downturns – and all those industries are very important – but we have most definitely noticed couples are paring back on some aspects of their weddings like cars or flowers and diverting more of the wedding budget towards the jewellery,’’ she says.
“Jewellery has always been important but now it seems, with Covid forced upon us, people have been paying more attention to it. A beautiful piece of jewellery given at the time of an engagement or wedding is really something that becomes a family treasure.
“It’s really been a significant trend.”
Wedding photographer Kate Robinson believes Covid’s silver lining is that it has opened couples’ eyes to what is possible for their wedding and that it doesn’t have to cost the earth.
Starting her business in 2010, Robinson relaunched in mid 2018 after taking time out to have her children.
She had a full calendar of weddings booked for 2020 with some of those couples yet to be married. Others changed their plans and eloped or had a much smaller event.
“The small ceremonies are so special,” Robinson, 35, says.
“Every one that I have done, the couple have said it was the best day, that it was so special, intimate and meaningful and that it was even better than what they originally planned. I’ve heard that from every single couple I have photographed.
“Everyone who has eloped or had a micro-wedding, they have absolutely loved it.
“Couples are seeing others do small weddings really well. You don’t have to have a big reception, you don’t have to spend a lot of money on venues. There are now plenty of beautiful examples of what is possible.’’
Saeheng agrees there have been some Covid positives with the importance of the “big Pinterest, Instagrammable wedding” waning.
“Covid has been terrible for so many people and the wedding industry has really taken a hit,” she says.
“Our inbox has been filled with emails from distressed couples who have been planning their wedding day for a long time. For couples who have had a wedding date postponed, and then some have had second and third dates cancelled, they decide to scrap it and elope.
“Their vision for their day suddenly looks very different but once you get your head around it, it’s liberating. It’s more intimate, less expensive, less stress, you can do what you want and not what you are expected to do. To elope is not what it used to be and it doesn’t hold the same connotations. I tell my brides to look at it as one big romantic gesture.”
Saeheng offers various elopement packages including a 2021 “lock in love” package designed to suit tight Covid restrictions for a couple plus up to six guests, a celebrant, photographer, ceremony styling and wedding cupcakes. It is also considerably cheaper than a standard wedding, costing $2000 midweek or $2800 on weekends.
She also offers pop-up weddings from $4700 – where couples choose and customise their day from a menu of options, saving them the legwork of choosing and costing individual vendors.
Eloping or micro-weddings may also secretly suit some couples who dread the unavoidable meeting of different corners of the family and ensuing drama.
Saeheng says eloping and blaming Covid has been “quite convenient” in this respect.
An overall more casual approach is trending too with brides and grooms wearing what they want to wear.
“Buying a $150 dress from ASOS is completely fine, you don’t need the $5000 designer dress,” Saeheng says.
“And from a vendor’s perspective, I’ve noticed my couples are far more relaxed and they have been able to enjoy their day. They can speak to all their guests, they can really enjoy their own wedding day.
“It might be smaller but it can still be beautiful, romantic and memorable.”
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