What your Queensland holiday destination says about you: Nikki Osborne

Noosa, Hamilton Island, Gold Coast, Winton, Palm Cove … what does your choice of where you holiday reveal about what type of person you are?

Burleigh Beach. Picture: Richard Gosling

Here’s what your Queensland holiday says about you:

●Airlie Beach: You nearly made it to Hamilton Island but you booked accommodation too late and realised you couldn’t get a buggy, so decided it would be easier to not see happy people on buggies at all. Instead, you score a bargain at Airlie Beach and pack out your itinerary with day trips out to the reef. With the money you saved on accommodation you realise you can fly to Whitehaven for the day and out-wanker the Qualia wankers.

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●Hamilton Island – Qualia:You’re not a wanker; you’re just someone who’s worked really hard and wants to make sure your time off doesn’t involve kids with snotty noses playing table tennis next to your sun lounge. You’re also not a stranger to Instagram posts because nobody goes to Qualia without flaunting an image of their “private pool” with freshly manicured toenails in shot.

Nikki Osborne. Picture: Peter Wallis

●K’gari:You still call it Fraser Island. You just want to drive your LandCruiser on the beach and feed a dingo before the government tells you you can’t.

●Daintree Rainforest:You win for the most stressful year. The motivational memes and podcast meditations are no longer working. Thankfully, your algorithm threw a Daintree river float video at you. After a quick email to your horrible boss, saying you have to attend a funeral up north, you book that bad boy. Good for you. It was either that or quit and not make your mortgage repayment next month.

●Gold Coast: Your husband says he wants to go there for the surf but you know he just wants to park it at a surf club and admire the bolt-ons walking by. You’re OK with this as you plan to abandon him with the kids at Wet’n’Wild while you check yourself in to the Golden Door retreat.

Surfers along Noosa’s Main Beach

●Noosa:You’re Victorian, fighting off the 18th variant of Rona and if you haven’t posted a selfie from Sails, Rickys or Bistro C, then did you even Noosa? You’re the kind of person who, even when you want to escape from everyone, still wants to make sure you’re seen by everyone – and #noosa is the best brag. You know there are other beautiful parts of Queensland to holiday but there aren’t any Victorians who will see you there.

●Longreach: You’re basically Clark Griswold, as you’re the “last true family man”. And even though Longreach is the home of the Qantas museum, you don’t fly to Longreach. Nah, you chuck your family into that Subaru and drive 16 hours to admire aviation.

●Richmond, Hughenden, Winton:You’re either a nerd like Ross Geller or you’re a really good parent with a kid who’s obsessed with dinosaurs, so you take one for the team and sacrifice your week off work to wander the dinosaur trail. And then promise yourself that next year you’ll go to Hamilton Island. Then you realise you’re too
good a parent, and that means no more fun for you.

●Palm Cove:You went to Port Douglas last year and decided there were too many backpackers. You want a resort so your kids can play in the lagoon pool while you lie on the sun lounge, cocktail in hand, laughing at the parents whose kids are bombing the DINKs.

●Port Douglas:You’re a backpacker or a DINK who’s realised you won’t get bombed by a tyrant in floaties and a Bluey rashie.