‘There’s a culture of shame’: The taboo topic we should all be open about

My daughter asks for food or toys and I’m left muttering “we can’t afford it”. We now scrape for spare change to splurge on a soft serve at McDonald’s, writes Kendall Gilding.

I would like to formally resign from my role as finance minister. Not of a company, or the country, or even from a local community group, just of my household.

Why? It’s not fun anymore. What used to be a balancing act of rewarding oneself for delayed gratification, is now more like scraping the bottom of the barrel hoping for spare change to splurge on a soft serve at McDonald’s.

How do you explain to a four-year-old that they can’t have something because it’s too expensive?

I find myself in this predicament every week. My daughter asks for food, or toys, or experiences and I’m left muttering that we can’t afford it.

“Afford it, what does that mean,” she’ll snap back. Why would she understand?

No child needs the added burden of money on their shoulders when bouncing around the playground, hopping from the monkey bars to the slide and back again.

The reality is things have changed.

Kendall Gilding says people could learn from each other if we actually talked about money matters. Picture: Richard Walker

When is the last time you did your groceries and gleefully remarked at how “cheap” it was while swiping your credit card at the end?

If you’re like us, your food bill has doubled. What about electricity? You installed solar and thought this would be the summer when you reaped the benefits, only for it to be overcast and muggier than Thailand every day for three straight months.

The costs add up, but living without aircon isn’t a sacrifice you’re willing to make.

The biggest strain is, of course, the mortgage. Ours has gone up 100 per cent in the past two years. A crippling amount for anyone, let alone a young family paying two lots of daycare fees.

So, you cut back. Sacrifices must be made. No more coffees at the local cafe. Less nights out. Scrap a few streaming services. Tighter planning of groceries. Ditch your life and income protection. Drop private health back to basics. And give up a few of the kids’ extra-curricular activities like swimming and gymnastics. But at what cost?

Am I risking my children’s developmental progress by not maintaining these activities? Another thing to feel guilty about.

The rising cost of living is hitting households hard. Picture: Tijana Simic/Getty Images/iStock

As a classic control freak, I’ve reached the point where I no longer want control. Well, I don’t want to hand it over to my husband (still a control freak), but I want someone to come and tell me how to manage our money because I’ve run out of steam.

What used to be a joyful challenge is now too disheartening.

I’ve read all the books – The Barefoot Investor, She’s on the Money. Listened to the podcasts – The Dave Ramsey Show, This Is Money.

But finances aren’t one size fits all. You might be thinking – just go and see a financial adviser. Sure! But then you need to find one who’s the right fit for you. Do they believe in investing in property, or shares? What’s their risk profile? Not to mention, seeing a financial adviser also costs … you guessed it – money!

There’s a cultural phenomenon in Australia where we don’t talk about money. It’s considered rude to ask, and strange if you’ll willingly dish the details. But that attitude is doing us a disservice and it needs to change.

We’re all fumbling our way through interest rates, school fees, electricity plans, insurance premiums. Most of us are too time poor to do the proper research, so settle for easy.

But convenience is costing us and if information is power – why aren’t we freely sharing as much as possible?

There’s also a culture of shame around money. Embarrassment if you don’t have a lot. Secrecy if you’ve got plenty.

Have you ever asked a friend exactly how much they earn? Did they answer honestly?

I’ve been on both sides of that coin. Judged for disclosing my earnings and mystified by how my friend buys designer bags on a low income.

We all juggle money coming in and money going out in our own unique way. Experts would describe this as our “money profile”. What we value dictates our goals. This is largely formed in the way you were raised. Spending versus saving, holidays versus home renos.

Money management ought to be compulsory so we’ve got something useful to teach our kids. In the meantime, this flailing, amateur accountant would like a break!