Soup nazis, a Costanza park, pretzels making you thirsty? The best everyday Seinfeld-isms

Regifting, double-dipping, Soup Nazis ... how Seinfeld-isms have taken over my family life.

I didn’t go to any of Jerry Seinfeld’s recent shows in Australia (and no, this isn’t a piece about the Israel-Palestine conflict), but I have seen him live in New York, at the Beacon Theatre. His tour Down Under got me thinking about how that “show about nothing” still permeates so many aspects of my life.

The show ran for about a decade from 1989 to 1998, and buried within the episodes across those seasons are some reflections on modern life that still ring true today.

There are quips and references which, among my friends and family, have an immediate meaning.

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For instance, when I tell my kids that I scored a “Costanza park”, they know exactly what I mean. My daughters are aged 13 and 15, and I hadn’t met their mother when an episode called The Bris aired in 1993, but they’re well-versed in the Seinfeld vernacular.

For the uninitiated, that episode involved a sub-plot whereby Kramer was at a hospital and spotted what he believed to be a half-man, half-pig. The crazy-haired Cosmo thought he was on to a conspiracy and, inadvertently, George Costanza found himself having to park outside a busy New York hospital.

Defying the odds, George found a car parking space directly outside the front doors of the hospital and spent a large part of the episode boasting about how great that park was.

Now, whenever I get a prime car space, we all declare, “got a Costanza park, Dad!”

The prologue to this is the fact that in the episode, the Pigman (who Kramer discovered was just a “fat little mental patient”) jumps out of the hospital window and lands on George’s car, destroying it. That hasn’t happened to me so far.

It’s just one example of how many Seinfeld-isms have crept into my life. From regifting, double-dipping, Soup Nazis and many more. How about shrinkage? Do pretzels always make you thirsty? Serenity now?

Yada-yada-yada.

The Seinfeld cast

Every December, we can’t avoid references to Festivus, that mythical holiday started by Frank Costanza in defiance of Christmas. I imagine many families partake in The Airing of Grievances every Christmas lunch, unaware they’re continuing a time-honoured tradition born in a ’90s sitcom.

I acknowledge I am assuming everyone has watched the show, and it’s true that I am drawing on my own experience from the ’90s, but other generations have had similar TV reference points. For some it might be MASH, or Happy Days.

I know my dad will still watch Fawlty Towers and draw parallels to his own experiences. More recently, Friends or Brooklyn 99 might find their way into your life, and your humour.

When we went to see Jerry live at the Beacon Theatre in Manhattan a few years ago, we tried to order some drinks in the foyer bar, but the woman behind the bar wouldn’t serve my wife as she’d forgotten her ID.

“That’s okay,” I said, ”I’ll have two gin and tonics, and my wife will have a water.”

The woman eyed us suspiciously.

“She can’t have one of the gins,” declared the woman, pointing at my wife.

“Oh no, I understand,” I assured her.

Max Futcher. Picture: Tara Croser

We took a seat with the drinks, but the woman stood behind the bar, craning to see over the crowd, spying on us.

“Is she looking?” My wife would ask.

“No, quick, now!” I would urge and she would slurp down some gin.

I think I ended up drinking most of the alcohol, and it occurred to me that this was just like a Seinfeld scenario. I’d encountered the Drink Nazi.

“No gin for you! Next!”

After Jerry finished his most recent Brisbane show at the Boondall Entertainment Centre, he got up early to head to his private jet.

Channel 7’s intrepid reporter Jordan Bissell was staked out at the airport at dawn and, to her surprise, the convoy of black vans stopped. Jerry got out and gave her a quick interview about Australia, Tim Tams, yada yada yada.

I was so jealous of Jordan and her cameraman. I wish I could’ve met him and let him know the colour and humour he’s brought into my life.

I might’ve even channelled Kenny Banya and told him: “That’s gold, Jerry. Gold!”