‘My daughter did a poo on a slide and I ran': Broncos legend's embarrassing dad fail
From the elation of birth and the joy of watching their children grow, to horror stories of poo, vomit and sleepless nights, six Queensland fathers give the down-low on what being a dad is really like.
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ALEX GLENN, 33
The retiring captain of the Brisbane Broncos and dad to Miller, 5, Gisele, 4, and Oakley, six months, lives with his partner Jemma-Lee Morgan, 32, on the Gold Coast. He plays his last game for the Broncos at Suncorp Stadium tonight. His retirement was influenced by the quality of the time he was able to give to his kids.
Best and worst moments of being a dad?
The best is definitely the day they were all born and hearing their first cry. There’s something magical about that and it will sit with me for the rest of my life. The scariest moment was when Oakley was born and he had fluid in his lungs and he was rushed to ICU where he was monitored for 24 hours. It left us feeling terrified and helpless. He was fine but it scared the hell out of us.
What’s the main life lesson you hope to pass on to your children?
The values I pride myself on are respect, gratitude and humility. Be grateful for what you have in life, don’t compare yourself to others and be kind. This world needs a lot more kindness.
Is being a father how you thought it would be?
Yes and no. Watching your kids grow is unbelievable and it’s something I’ve always looked forward to but no one tells you how hard it’s going to be with waking up for feeds and nappy changes. I wasn’t prepared for the broken sleep.
Biggest success as a dad?
Our kids are growing up with great values. So far, they are very good at sharing their stuff, which I love. Miller has the biggest heart and he is always trying to help others and be a leader and show others the right way to do things. As a parent, I think that’s pretty sweet. Miller also started playing footy this year and he wants to grow up and be like daddy. That’s a proud moment for me. Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in your life but it’s the most rewarding by far.
Any embarrassing dad moments?
When we were in Jacksonville, America, two years ago (when I was playing for the Cook Islands national team against the US for the World Cup qualifier), I took the family to Chick-fil-A. The kids were in the playground and then I heard a kid say, ‘Someone did a poo on the slide’. I noticed my daughter‘s nappy was hanging down the side and a solid nugget had fallen out as she went down the slide. I told the kids we had to go eat our food back at the hotel and I grabbed all our food and ran to the car. I was too embarrassed to go and pick up the poo. I felt so bad afterwards.
Are you strict on rules?
Jemma and I are pretty strict on the kids in terms of the morning and bedtime routines. But we also understand kids will always be kids, so you can’t be too hard. In a playground or park, as long as they know the boundaries in terms of not running near the road, we just let them go free.
The one thing you wish someone had told you before you became a dad?
To have patience. It’s something I’m still trying to learn. Your kids can push your buttons so hard that you can’t take it. The worst time of day for me is their bedtime. The kids are constantly thirsty like they’ve been in a desert all day, they need to go to the toilet two or three times, I forgot their kiss and cuddles, it’s never-ending. If there is one bit of advice for new parents from me, it’s that kids forget about materialistic things but they never forget about the time you give them. Be present with your kids, give them love and attention, play with them, laugh and create memories. A big factor for me retiring was on my days off, I was spending more time recovering, instead of going out and being there for my kids.
LOGAN MARTIN, 27
The Gold Coast resident is a Tokyo Olympic Games gold medallist in BMX freestyle. He is married to Kimberly Martin, 27, a gymnastics coach, and together they have a son Noah, 2, with another baby due in January.
Best and worst moments of being a dad?
Meeting Noah at his birth. It was an overwhelming feeling when I first saw him and got to hold him for the first time. Everything changed right then and there in that moment. It sorts of just hits you – you have so much more responsibility to make sure he is safe. My worst moment was when he was playing on the deck in one of his cars when he was about 18 months old. He ended up face-planting the floor. He was bleeding and it was pretty bad to witness. He was okay but he had a swollen lip for a couple of days.
What’s the main life lesson you hope to pass on to your children?
If you want anything in life, you’ve got to work for it.
Is being a father how you thought it would be?
I never really imagined how it would be. But once I became a dad and have the bond that I do with my son, it’s honestly the most amazing thing. But I never realised it would be like that until I became a dad. It changed my life. My life was good already, but this is a whole different life journey.
Biggest success as a dad?
Having patience. I’ve always had decent patience but I’ve had to learn to be really patient. Kids have some crazy tantrums and it’s just understanding that and being patient with them while they get over that mood.
Any embarrassing dad moments?
Before you are a parent, you always hate that crying baby on the plane. We were flying back from Townsville when Noah was about 18 months old and we scheduled the flight around his sleep time but he ended up not wanting to sleep and becoming overtired. He cried and screamed and had a tantrum the whole flight, until 15 minutes before landing. And then you never judge anyone with a screaming baby ever again.
Are you strict on rules?
I’m strict on rules that matter like hitting other kids or us. When it comes to the little things, I don’t care too much. Kim and I have quite good morals and we definitely want to instil that in him and that starts at a young age.
The one thing you wish someone had told you before you became a dad?
That you could do sleep school through the public system. For the first 11 months, Noah would wake up five or six times a night and the sleep deprivation was really bad. We looked at the private system when he was six months old and it was going to cost $1000 a night. We didn’t realise you could go public until someone told us 11 months in. We went to sleep school in the hospital for a week and the second night we were there was the first time he slept through the night.
STEVE TITMUS, 57
The journalist and father of Olympic swimming dual gold medallist Ariarne Titmus, 20, and Mia, 18, who is studying health sciences at Griffith University, lives with his daughters and wife Robyn, 54, at Chelmer, in Brisbane’s west.
Best and worst moments of being a dad?
Without a doubt the best moments are when your children are born. Then the biggest thrills are when your children have success in the things they love doing. Mia recently got some wonderful uni results and I was so happy for her to get such good results in an area she has such a passion for. Then when Ariarne won the 400m at the Olympic Games, that was an amazing moment. Even though Ariarne’s swimming is very high profile, I get just as much thrill from Mia’s study results and her being delighted that she has done well. And the worst … when Ariarne injured her shoulder in November last year. That was very distressing because we didn’t know, at that stage, whether her Olympic dream was over.
What‘s the main life lesson you hope to pass on to your children?
Dare to dream. You should always have dreams and I’m a great believer that nothing should be handed to anybody on a silver platter. You need to work hard for everything that you get. And also to be honest, trustworthy, polite and have great respect for everybody.
Is being a father how you thought it would be?
Yes, I think it has been. You get out of fatherhood what you put into it. If you take a great interest in your children and their development daily, fatherhood can be a wonderful adventure. You don’t need your kids to win Olympic gold medals to be a great father.
Biggest success as a dad?
To have two girls who are very grounded and very humble and respectful. To me, that is above winning gold medals or doing well at school. Above all, are those values.
Any embarrassing dad moments?
A few years ago, I was invited to a celebrity cooking competition. I am not a cook but I looked the part with a chef’s hat and apron, ready to fake it, and Robyn provided a recipe for chicken breast accompanied by a mushroom sauce. In the final stages, I poured in a little too much wine, flames leapt into the air … my family covered their faces with embarrassment. But such a success was my effort and demand for my recipe that Woolworths printed it and handed it out at checkouts. I am the worst cook in the family yet the only one to have a recipe published for the masses. Embarrassing for my girls, but I had the last laugh.
Are you strict on rules?
I am the lenient one ... I’m a fairly laid-back person so I tend to be more lenient to keep the peace in the household. But I’m only lenient until the point where I have to repeat stuff. I like to say something once, the second time is the warning and there’s no third chance.
The one thing you wish someone had told you before you became a dad?
That when the children are young, you need to have a lot of patience. I don’t think anyone is ever prepared for the level of patience you need. You also underestimate the rollercoaster of life and how you have to keep picking yourself up because things don’t always go right. My advice to parents is to soak up every moment because your children grow up so quickly.
MAX FUTCHER, 49
The journalist and news anchor for Channel 7 Queensland is a father to Stella, 10, and Ava, 12, who has this year started high school. The family, with Futcher’s wife Kim, lives in Brisbane’s northern suburbs.
Best and worst moments of being a dad?
The best moments are when we get to enjoy each other’s company doing the things we love – going to the beach, long lazy days with no real plan or timetable. Sunshine at Noosa is our spot.The bad times are when it comes to discipline and I have to try to make them understand that some behaviours aren’t acceptable. That’s difficult. But even more difficult can be when I need to know to pull back and realise there are problems they need to solve themselves.
What’s the main life lesson you hope to pass on to your children?
I’m trying to motivate them both through their education, not that school is the be all and end all and I do tell them that – school is just the start. I’m trying to inspire. I want them to find a success that’s not defined by other people, success in their lives on all levels, professionally, emotionally and in relationships and that success will bring them happiness.
Is being a father how you thought it would be?
I think most parents come into this with their eyes closed. You meet a girl, get married, and the next step is having kids. Life has definitely changed but it’s given our lives a real purpose. That’s what a family unit is all about.
Biggest success?
It’s not about me. Every day you get stuck in the everyday, yelling at them to put stuff away, but broadly speaking the little people they are becoming just make me enormously proud and happy.
Any embarrassing dad moments so far?
You should be talking to them. When you’ve got kids, particularly daughters, taking on a little bit of embarrassment is par for the course.
Are you a strict on rules or more lenient?
I wish I wasn’t so strict on them, but I am. Mum is an easy touch. I think they get it, though. In their own little way they understand. It might be slightly reflective on the upbringing I had; I probably think I’m softer than my dad was on me. I like bed by 8pm. It’s getting harder and harder to stick to that. Teenager is the next step.
The one thing you wish someone had told you before you became a dad?
I haven’t discovered anything new with being a parent, except for everything. Before I had kids everyone used to tell you this and that, but you didn’t understand what any of that meant until you are living it every day.
I remember very early on you get obsessed with what pram you’re going to buy and then that phase passes and who cares about prams and then bikes, what bike are we going to buy, and then schools become an obsession.
You get these new pockets of knowledge about things you’d never considered.
PETE MURRAY, 51
The Queensland-raised singer-songwriter is enjoying his second stint at fatherhood. He has Charlie, 17, and Pedro, 14, from a previous marriage and daughters Saachi, 3, and Sahara May, born on June 10 this year, whom he shares with wife Mira Eady. They live on a property in Byron Bay and he is set to star on SAS Australia on Channel 7 this month.
Best and worst moments of being a dad?
The best moments are witnessing all of my children’s births, we always kept the sex of our children a surprise, and the worst is seeing them when they are hurt or sick.
What’s the main life lesson you hope to pass on to your children?
I hope to make sure they do what they love with work and life.
Is being a father how you thought it would be?
Yes it is and I love it.
Biggest success?
Just becoming a dad is my biggest success.
Any embarrassing dad moments so far?
I was on the toilet when Pedro, my second oldest, was about three years old and the phone rang. I called out to him not to answer it but it was too late. Pedro answered the phone and when the person asked him where I was, Pedro was very honest telling them, “Dad is doing a poo right now”. Then he passed me the phone so I had to talk to them. It was a very awkward phone call after that information was passed out.
Are you a strict on rules or more lenient?
I’m fairly lenient with the kids. I do have my boundaries though and when they go past that, they know about it.
The one thing you wish someone had told you before you became a dad?
There’s nothing that I wish someone said to me. I had kids in my thirties so I was ready for them.
MATTY JOHNSON, 34
A Brisbane expat who found love with Laura Byrne on The Bachelor in 2017, the now-engaged couple shares two daughters, Marlie Mae, 2, and Lola, 7 months. They live in Sydney but Johnson has returned to Brisbane TV screens on Channel 7 programs Weekender and Creek to Coast.
Best and worst moments of being a dad?
I don’t think anything in this world will come close to witnessing the birth of your child. It’s the most incredible experience of your life – not only are you in awe of what your partner has done, the moment you lay eyes on your little peanut, you’re just completely overcome with emotion. The best moments are definitely when you get a little peppering of affection from your kids. It doesn’t matter how tired you are or how naughty they’ve been – if you get a little smile, cuddle, or a kiss, it’s the best thing in the world. The worst … I’m a sucker for a good night’s sleep so I really struggle when the kids are up all night. If I didn’t have Laura I’d be screwed.
What’s the main life lesson you hope to pass on to your children?
This is one that I feel quite strongly about – under no circumstances should coriander be served on a dish. It’s the devil’s lettuce and I want no part of it in my life.
Is being a father how you thought it would be?
I think so – although when I imagined what life would be like as a dad, I only thought about all the cutesy and fun moments. These parts are all playing out better than expected. However I definitely didn’t imagine what it would be like cleaning up poonamis in the park, being covered in baby vomit at 3am and managing tantrums in the supermarket. You gotta take the good with the bad!
Biggest success?
Marlie-Mae has recently started potty training, and nothing makes you prouder than seeing your little one successfully use the bathroom. It’s been a long strenuous accident-filled journey to get here, but all the hard work was totally worth it.
Any embarrassing dad moments so far?
I can confidently say that I am one of the few dads out there that never does anything to embarrass my family. Not even when I play dress-ups in Laura’s clothes, learn TikTok dances in public or belt out the Wiggles in the car with the windows down. Laura isn’t here to back me up, so you’ll just have to believe me.
Are you a strict on rules?
This totally depends on how much sleep I’ve had the night before. If I’ve had close to seven hours then I’m like a sergeant around the house. However, if it’s closer to five hours or less Marlie-Mae can eat her body weight in marshmallows, borrow my car and watch re-runs of Bluey until sunrise.
The one thing you wish someone had told you before you became a dad?
I think it would have been great to have someone tell me about the changes you experience as soon as you become a dad. A lot of these have taken me completely by surprise.
Suddenly, you can’t help but grunt when you sit down, you won’t be able to stay awake for longer than 10 minutes when your partner picks a movie, your jokes become 20 per cent more lame and you’ll become fixated with mowing the lawn. I hope this helps any soon-to-be dads!
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