‘I sulked for days’: Phil Brown on missing an invite to opening night party

There have been opening night parties that I haven’t got a guernsey for and I have sulked for days afterwards, writes Phil Brown on his crippling fear of missing out.

There is one thing worse than not being invited and that is being invited. Oscar Wilde? No, me.

I often get miffed if I’m not included. There have been opening night parties that I haven’t got a guernsey for and I have sulked for days afterwards. I hate seeing people heading off for some exclusive interval affair or after-party that I haven’t been invited to. And yet, here’s the rub … I don’t really want to go anyway. It’s a conundrum.

The idea of being in a room full of people drinking and hobnobbing isn’t attractive and even when I do get in I just want to get out. Particularly when speeches are involved. As soon as the speeches begin I excuse myself, say that I have to go to the bathroom and I never go back.

Phil Brown on not being invited to parties.

I was so annoyed about missing out on a function at QPAC some months ago that I complained and made a big song and dance about it. I’m not one for holding back.

Anyway, come the next big show, I managed to get into the interval drinks, as I should being the Arts Editor and all. I went along with my wife but when we got there it was, how can I put this? BORING!

So we left not long after we arrived but I felt chuffed at least that we managed to attend. Even though I didn’t really want to attend. Does this make sense? No, I thought not. I remember being invited to a swish launch at QPAC years ago and it was rather special. Speaking to the organisers I asked what the dress code was. “Black tie,” I was told. “Really? For an early-evening cocktail function?” Yes, I was told, definitely black tie. So I drove across town, parked and walked into QPAC adjusting my bow tie.

Funny thing is I couldn’t see anyone else in black tie.

But I guessed they had gone in to the function already. It was being held on stage so I went into the theatre and as soon as I did I could see that no one was in black tie.

I felt such a goose and I hightailed it out of there as soon as I could, hurling abuse over my shoulder at the person who had told me I had to wear my penguin suit. It makes you wonder why I go out at all.