‘I knew I would find him loveable forever’: Actor on finding true love on Bumble

A couple has revealed their relationship secrets – and the one thing they can’t agree on.

Amy Lehpamer and Tom Cooney.

Two weeks after meeting, theatre star Amy Lehpamer, 39, and business co-owner and operator Tom Cooney knew it was love and it was been a ‘romantic tidal wave’ ever since. The couple share their highs, lows and everything in between.

AMY

How did you meet? On the apps, on Bumble! We agreed to meet up very soon in to our messaging, I remember being so stunned by how easy our rapport was.

What was the first thing you noticed about him? That he was a very calm and grounded person. And an amazing listener. Funny. Quietly spoken. Funny and observant. And he laughed at my jokes.

When did you first know it was love? Oh so early. It was probably our second date (a twilight picnic by the river at Kangaroo Point) that I knew. The connection was just there. I knew I could trust him, and that I would find him interesting and beautiful and loveable forever.

What was your most standout date? A weekend in Margaret River, WA, where we planned nothing but everything was incredible. Perfect beaches, exceptional wine, the best fish and chips overlooking the most perfect sunset, and we got engaged.

Amy Lehpamer and Tom Cooney with their child.

What is the most romantic thing he has ever done for you? I was on tour with a show when we met, and so after my Brisbane season we were thrust into long distance. Tom wanted to make sure I had excellent coffee wherever I went, so he sent me fresh coffee every fortnight. He’d include beautifully poetic notes tucked into the parcel, always written in a rush, but always perfect. But also … special mention to the surprise deliveries of fresh pastry when I was home with our newborn. I’d get a call to come out the front, he’d drop a pastry in my hand, kiss me and the baby, and go again. It was a wildly busy time for him (he was setting up Riser) and it meant so much.

What is toughest thing you’ve had to overcome together inyour relationship? Sleep deprivation. It was particularly difficult when I was in a show and working nights. Tom would have to drive Avery around at all hours of the night/morning to try and get him to settle.
I was doing eight shows a week and breastfeeding. We were zombies. It’s hard to be your best for each other when you’re that depleted.

What is the secret to a happy relationship? Wanting to be on the same team. Encouraging each other. Laughing.

Who puts the bins out? It varies. I clean the fridge out.

What is the thing you argue the most about? We don’t argue much at all, though we are both up for a debate – about politics or music (like which Beatle is the best Beatle) and they can get a little spicy.

Amy Lehpamer and Tom Cooney on their wedding day.

What do you find the most annoying about each other? I think Tom finds my nail biting annoying. He can argue a point without ever getting exasperated. It’s amazing and I wish I could be that cool headed, but when you’re on the other side of it, it’s annoying.

Who does the most cooking? Tom. He’s a great cook.

What is the trait you like most about him? How observant he is. He really sees everything.

How has having kids affected your relationship? We miss each other, despite living together! It’s so hard to find time for us. That said, there’s not a day that goes by that doesn’t make me immensely grateful for Tom as a husband and father.

TOM

How did you meet? Bumble! First date was an afternoon stroll along the river. Within a few days I deleted the app. There was no chance it was ever going to get any better than this.

What was the first thing you noticed about her? Amy’s unbridled joy and lack of cynicism.

When did you first know it was love? After about two weeks of knowing each other, I was on Amy’s balcony, waiting to head off for dinner together and I realised I could completely let go into us.

What was your most standout date? Hard to say in the whirlwind of love. No moment really stands out, just a rollercoaster blur of happiness.

What is the most romantic thing she has ever done foryou? Again, no one thing. Just being together has been a romantic tidal wave.

What is thesecret to a happy relationship? Communication.

Who puts the bins out? Amy.

What is the thing you argue the most about? Politics! I probably start most of the arguments because I selfishly get so much out of Amy’s point of view … I use them as information seeking while Amy can get very invested. Since I usually start it, I will also de-escalate once I see things going in a heated direction – politics is never worth getting upset about.

What do you find the most annoying about each other? Amy takes my sunglasses and forgets she did.

Who does the most cooking? Me.

What is the trait you like most about her? Intelligence without arrogance.

When were you the most vulnerable in your relationship? In the extremely sleep-deprived time that we had a baby and Riser was being built. Telling each other when we’re at the end of our tether physically or emotionally was the only way to get through. Also, baby induced oxytocin goes a long way.

How has having kids affected your relationship? It has broadened the definition of us beyond what we could imagine, but now we really have to work for the one-on-one alone time.

Amy stars in Dusty The Musical – In Concert at Concert Hall, QPAC from June 5-8