How to find love in a lockdown

It’s all about chat, video and voice calls, as the quest for true love continues while quarantine measures are in place.

Time to talk: Michelle Jackson. Picture: Mark Cranitch.

One of my favourite memes at the moment goes a little like this:

Me: I think I’m ready to start dating again.

Universe: Oh really? (Releases global pandemic preventing all physical interaction.)

Me: Well played, well played.

With the country in virtual lockdown and gatherings limited to two people in an attempt to limit the devastation of coronavirus, you’d think dating would be the last thing on anyone’s mind.

Not so. Apparently, now is the perfect time to embark on the search for that special someone, especially with all the extra time we’ve got on our hands – though the actual execution might take a little more innovation and creativity than usual.

Certainly internet wags have risen to the challenge with pick-up lines like these: “Since all the public libraries are closed, I’m checking you out instead”, “Without you my life is as empty as a supermarket shelf” and my personal favourite, “You can’t spell quarantine without U R A Q T”.

Dating and relationship coach Samantha Jayne. Picture: Mark Bond

Dating and life coach Samantha Jayne says there’s nothing like a major crisis to prompt people to re-evaluate their lives, consider what’s important and seek out meaningful connections.

“It’s not the career or the money or all those shiny objects; it’s more about what’s important to us – having our health, having loved ones in our lives,” Jayne says.

“It’s like a reset; an opportunity for people to get real again and go, well, what actually makes me happy? It’s someone loving, kind, supportive, sharing and nurturing, who’s going to be there for me in hard times. There’s enough drama going on right now.”

Just as Jayne is not surprised at the reported surge in sex toy sales – “Sex is very healthy, it helps people de-stress and we’re faced with a very unique time where people are completely isolated, unable to have that physical touch, so they’re using their imagination” – she’s equally unsurprised at the spike in use of dating apps.

“It’s a brilliant filter where you can actually meet people who are genuinely wanting to meet someone. People are forced to communicate and connect now; there’s no pressures to be physical or worry if others are only after one thing,” she says, on the phone, bunkered down in her Byron Bay home. “The people out there right now are really genuinely reaching out because they want to meet someone special.”

OkCupid CEO Ariel Charytan says a dating app is a way for people to feel less alone, with more than 90 per cent of global users saying they will date virtually, while Bumble reports more and more members are using chat, video and voice call features, a trend only expected to increase the longer quarantine measures continue.

“In Australia, 57 per cent of members are messaging each other, 21 per cent are video chatting and 17 per cent are talking over the phone,” Charytan says, in a written statement. Only 5 per cent are not dating at all, in figures comparable to the US, Canada, the UK and France.

“We also found 83 per cent of OkCupid respondents in Australia would rather build an emotional connection before a physical one with a partner and, with everyone social distancing, we’re confident a lot of strong relationships will originate during this time.”

Chat: Brett Makai thinks connecting through online dating apps will become more authentic. Picture: Mark Cranitch.

Brett Makai’s go-to first date preference is coffee in a cafe, but the single father is keen to get creative with virtual dating. Returning to the dating scene after the breakdown of a long-term relationship, Makai, 36, is using a dating app to find a woman to – eventually – join him in trying new restaurants and outdoor adventures.

“Everyone sometimes gets lonely and jumps into meeting the first or second person because that’s who they’re attracted to short term. But [building an online connection] will filter out all those short-term feelings and see people going back to, ‘OK, what’s in synch with my core values, my long-term vision, and finding an appropriate partner that way. It’s more authentic,” says Makai, a concrete salesman from Hamilton, in Brisbane’s inner-north.

“We’re definitely going to be more selective in who we actually want to meet in person after this time period, because ultimately you want the best person to help build the best life you want.”

Tweed Heads kinesiologist and nursing assistant Jennifer Laasanen, 57, says any opportunity to slow down the dating game is a good thing. The mother of two has been single for five years but is now open to meeting a “grounded, earthy man” and forming a “beautiful heart and intellectual connection” through conversation.

“I’m always optimistic. This is an opportunity to really, really get to know people. It’s time to just be in the moment and enjoy the experience,” she says. “Use your FaceTime, text each other, send photos, maybe do some Skype wine time. You can’t change [the current situation]. You might as well find a way to have fun with it.”

Online chat: Michelle Jackson says it’s still important to dress well and make a good first impression. Picture: Mark Cranitch.

Mundoolun retiree Michelle Jackson, 56, is already a fan of virtual dating. Her first date with her current beau was a Sunday morning Whats­App chat which lasted more than an hour, and they’ve already planned another.

“We had organised to meet in person but after following the daily news updates and current affairs, we both agreed it was wiser to be circumspect and careful, so we came up with that idea. We set up a time, I was in my office, he was in his kitchen, and we had a very simple, very interesting chat. He’s a lovely gentleman,” she says.

Jackson, who ditched online dating to join Ideal Introductions in January, says the video call was a more pleasant experience in many ways, with less pressure and fewer distractions compared with meeting in person at a restaurant.

“You can still tell if that connection is there. You’re still talking to the person, still asking questions, still watching eye contact – just by talking with them, using your intuition, you can still get the vibe: ‘Yes, there is something special about this person’.”

Her advice is simple. “Do all the things you’d normally do if going on a date – be presentable, make sure your makeup is done nicely, don’t sit there in your PJs. Somebody is sitting across from you, looking at you, make the effort. It shows respect.”

Ideal Introductions managing director Linda Prescott says 2020 was a “crazy busy” year, even before the pandemic hit, with many people determined this would be the year they’d meet their special someone.

“In times of uncertainty or crisis, people really crave a secure partnership. The [2007] Global Financial Crisis was our busiest year. The landscape of how we are dating is going to continue to change, as is how we interact, but everyone still wants love,” says Prescott, a 27-year veteran of the matchmaking industry.

“Being locked down and feeling vulnerable, and having no one to give you a cuddle or just say ‘It’s going to be OK’, is a bit scary. This makes people realise what’s really important. When we come out the other end of this pandemic, we are going to be so busy, it’s not even funny.” ■