Here’s what I’ve learnt from my many mistakes: Mel Buttle

Navigating the busy Christmas period is as tricky as it gets – but here are the best ways to avoid (some of) the pain.

Mel Buttle

I have many strengths in this life, my spaghetti bolognese, my ability to predict a highly accurate arrival time to a destination and, of course, how I can open and close a drawer with my foot.

I am, however, cursed with a terrible weakness: I’m not a gift giver. I’m not miserly, it’s more that top-shelf gift giving requires organisation, attention to detail and planning, not the strengths of someone who closes kitchen drawers with their tootsies.

People have tried to help me get better at gift giving, they’ve offered up the following advice, “Just start early”. If I could engage with any of my responsibilities early I’d be a lawyer with a beach house by now and not just someone who tells jokes in pubs while people eat chicken parmigiana.

Cash in an envelope is a fallback for every disorganised gift giver. Picture: iStock.

My past form in this arena isn’t strong. I once sent my mum the same Spode blue and white salad bowl for Christmas two years running. Nice to have a back-up I suppose.

I often forget birthdays. In particular, the January ones sneak up on me – I’ve learned to keep a stash of blank cards and bottles of above tolerable wine in a cupboard for these naughty, sneaky birthdays.

The other thing I do, when I’m really struggling, is shove cash in an envelope and hand that over. Apparently that’s not what you’re meant to do, as that’s “leaving me to buy my own present”.

My friend Katie is an amazing gift giver; she’s the best I’ve ever met. Let me give you a small example. For my birthday, I was lured over to her house and was greeted by her, on the keyboard, playing a song from my favourite movie. Said movie was playing on the television, she’d set up a comprehensive cheese board, dressed up her dog, made me a cake in the shape of my favourite animal, and gifted me a vase.

She’d clearly taken note that when she was at my house last time I was tragically vase-less.

Surely people like this write notes in their phone or have a large spreadsheet running to keep track of our needs, wants and interests. Surely, all that intel isn’t just stored in her brain along with the nine times table, the Sea Change theme song and the date that World War II ended?

Different people are impressed by different styles of gift giving which can make things more challenging. Are you a lots of small things, plenty to unwrap type of person, or a one big ticket item fan?

I think I’m a combination of the above, I like a few small things to unwrap to get the adrenaline flowing and also one big thing that is a long sought after treat.

I’ve got into trouble in the past when I thought I was gifting a big-ticket item, to have the person say, “This isn’t for me, this is for the house.”

Hot tip for new players here, don’t double down and start a Christmas Day conflict by saying, “Well, you live in the house and we can all use it, we needed it.” As you’ll get this fired back at you: “Then it’s not really a present is it? It’s just something we need, like milk, or a new oven.”

I’m no expert, but here’s what I’ve learned over the years from my many mistakes. These tips pertain to purchasing gifts for women.

■ If it plugs in, needs an extension cord, or goes in the car it’s not a present.

■ Vouchers will be lost, get something tangible.

■ Effort trumps value, so a framed picture of her and her dog will beat a new laptop.

■ We all have enough mugs, thank you.

■ Those packs with bath salts, body moisturiser and body wash are only suitable for Secret Santa or teacher presents.

■ Never, ever tell her you’re going shopping for her present on Christmas Eve. If you are, lie and say you’re going to pick up prawns.

■ We can tell if you didn’t wrap it.

■ If you’re totally stuck, perfume.
You’re welcome!