‘Burnt by the court system but still show up’: Nikki Osborne on the good dads

An estimated 40 per cent of Australian dads spend Father’s Day without their children but they deserve our praise, Nikki Osborne writes.

Nikki Osborne with her boys.

We used to joke about Father’s Day being “every day”, however those times are changing. What once used to be a Sunday of steak, socks and a jovial card has become a day of deeper reflection of sacrifice and loss of identity because, for about 40 per cent of dads, heartbreakingly, it could be the first day they’ve seen their kids in weeks.

My Father’s Days have always been pretty predictable. I get up, put my face on, cook a fry up and then over breakfast give my husband a card I chose with a blurb about what a great dad he is, written by me. Then, if I’m lucky, our boys put down their screens and sign their names at the bottom.

Once we’ve digested that initial layer of grease we jump in the car with a bottle of rum and some Darrell Lea soft centres and head to my folks’ place.

We don’t bother with a card for my dad as we know his love language is sitting at the table and chatting about the Formula One, the NRL and conspiracy theories.

Nikki Osborne with her sons. Picture: Lachie Millard

It’s always a very good laugh and while it feels like every other Sunday, the older we get, the more we cherish the family banter and the innocuous spirit of the day. I’m lucky. I’ve got the same husband I picked 20 years ago and my original parents up the road who we get on really well with.

Others are not so lucky. Many of my friends have lost their dads, so I’m mindful of what I post on social media. Also, a lot of my friends are separated from their husbands, so Father’s Day is a juggle of getting their kids off to a man they’re not particularly fond of because he’s only paying $14 a fortnight in child support so he can have his special day, all the while crafting presents with their stepkids for their new partner.

Then there’s the dads who’ve been burnt by the court system but still show up, Dad the shit out of everything and show to their kids that, despite everything, their kids are numero uno. We see you.

I know marriage can be hard but so is divorce!

So I thought I’d write a letter on behalf of everyone, to the good dads:

To the good dads

Dear Dad

I know you’re always thinking of me,

I know you truly care

From netball courts, to talent comps

I’ve always had you there

Although it’s Mum who has the chats

Over coffees at the shops

And though you do not have the words

I know you love me lots

You pushed so hard to build a business

You hustled ’round the clock

But when you could, you’d still play softball

When you could’ve taken stock

It must be hard to be the one

Whose feelings aren’t allowed

To press on, show up, be the man

To make your family proud

Nikki Osborne. Picture: Jay Town

I know you want to break at times,

I know you want to cry,

Instead you’ll joke and watch some sport

But we can see the lie

In recent times, the constant press

Has taken men on squarely

But so many men, just like you

Have been labelled so unfairly

We need our dads, we need our men

Our sons they have depleted

We’ve lost too many in recent years

Because they don’t feel needed

So I write these words, in the hope

That comfort will be brought

To the dad who hurts, yet still shows up

On the side of the netball court.

So happy Father’s Day to all the dads,

With new socks and a mug

Just know deep down, you’re doing well

And you deserve a hug.