Pyramid schemes: 5 tourist traps to avoid in Egypt

Egyptian traders are charming people, but they can be overbearing and turn a visit to their glorious monuments in to mayhem.

At the entrance to the Valley of the Kings, Egypt’s archaeological treasure containing the rock-cut tombs of 64 pharaohs including the boy-king Tutankhamun, a grinning trinket seller calls out to me, “I love your money!” It’s not quite the majestic welcome I expected, but I’m quickly learning that, in Egypt, there are no ancient wonders without modern commerce.

“Welcome to the Valley of the Vultures,” jokes my guide Fouad. It’s lucky I’m visiting in low-season August when it’s too hot for most tourists and even the traders seem sapped by the heat. Some are more persistent than others – they’ve got to make a buck after all and pickings are slim at this time of year – but there’s never any aggression. It’s just annoying having to bat away sales pitches when you’re traipsing around in 40-plus heat and have zero interest in buying made-in-China souvenirs.

Everyone warns you about Egypt’s touts and traders, but still it’s a shock to have to run the gauntlet whenever you visit an archaeological marvel. To make matters worse, the culture of tipping or baksheesh is so entrenched that you find yourself handing out notes to nearly everyone who crosses your path – even (especially) toilet attendants. But rather than begrudge the practice I find it helps to remember the average Egyptian wage is only around $US5000 a year; these small handouts cost me little but can make a difference to a person’s day.

Other things I learned during a two-week tour of this wonderful but confounding country:

1. Guides are not allowed to interpret inside the tombs at the Valley of the Kings, which leaves you at the mercy of attendants who entice you with promises of unique photos that may or may not involve climbing over barriers to access off-limits areas. “Come with me. I will show you something special!” No doubt they will, but it will cost you. These payments are known as “temple offerings”.

It’s just annoying having to bat away sales pitches when you’re traipsing around in 40-plus heat and have zero interest in buying made-in-China souvenirs.

2. At major sites men will use every wile to try to part you from your Egyptian pounds. They will try to lure you to their stall by claiming everything, from alabaster sculptures to keffiyeh scarfs, cost “just one dollar”. (Spoiler: they do not.) They’ll show you how to get the best angle of the Sphinx. And ask you where you’re from, then display a refreshing knowledge of your country to win your affections.

3. At the Giza pyramids, which loom large on a plateau above the Cairo suburbs and include the Pyramid of Khufu/Cheops, the last remaining of the Seven Wonders of the World, the crowds are dense and the carnival is on. Almost everyone, including me, succumbs to a camel ride. It’s a quick thrill – about 20 minutes across the sand to a vantage point where a literal child will take a photo on your phone of you against the blockbuster backdrop of the three main pyramids. The ride officially costs LE500 (about $15), but you’ll be encouraged to tip handsomely afterwards. I tried to give LE100 to the tiny boy who led my animal, but his adult boss told me off. “Come on, give him real money! Give him US dollars!” I asked how much I should give. He says, “As you like.” Which I remind him was LE100, but I end up handing over LE300 to be rid of this irritating man.

4. The ingenuity of touts never fails to amaze and amuse me. On the approach to Esna, traders row their boats furiously towards our ship, lasso ropes onto the bollards and surf along beside us until we reach the lock, where we’re sitting ducks for their sales spiels. The men are charming, relentless and have powerful throwing arms that can launch a packaged tablecloth or galabeya from the river four storeys up to the pool terrace. Or five to the rooftop sundeck. It’s an elaborate form of fishing that proves remarkably successful. Several passengers buy galabeyas and an American couple and I buy pretty patterned tablecloths – $US10 each, but worth at least that for the entertainment value.

Grab a window seat on the third floor of McDonald’s on Temples Road and look straight over Luxor Temple.

5. The salesmen are tenacious enough, but the saleswomen, who rule the Nubian villages of Aswan, are truly a force to be reckoned with.

Visiting Egypt’s glorious monuments can be mayhem, but the best way to cope is to smile and have fun. The Egyptians are, in my limited experience, charming people who enjoy a bit of banter. If a trader tries to waylay you with an enthusiastic, “I have exactly what you’re looking for!” just clap back and ask, “Oh really? And what’s that? A Dry Martini?”

Kendall Hill was a guest of Viking Cruises. 

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For excellent views of the Giza pyramids, try the rooftop balcony of the nearby Pizza Hut and KFC. Likewise, grab a window seat on the third floor of McDonald’s on Temples Road and look straight over Luxor Temple.

Originally published as Pyramid schemes: 5 tourist traps to avoid in Egypt