Forget New Year’s resolutions – it's time to try a 'Past Year Love Review' instead

Let's build better dating habits this year

New year, new who? It's that time of year when your once-motivating resolutions are already collecting dust. Try a 'past year love review' instead.

Let’s be honest: most New Year resolutions are just wishful thinking on a deadline. “Find love in 2025” sounds great, but how exactly will you do that?

Instead of chasing vague hopes and toxic positivity, we suggest a data-driven alternative approach: a Past Year Love Review (PYLR).

What is a Past Year Love Review?

The PYLR is a no-nonsense, reflective and practical way to figure out what worked in your love life last year and what needs to get kicked to the kerb.

Whether you’re single, coupled up, or somewhere in the murky middle, looking back with intention beats throwing darts at a vision board any day.

Think of it as a love audit: a chance to finally stop repeating the same mistakes and start making smarter choices. Let’s break it down step by step.

How to conduct a Past Year Love Review. Image: Getty

How to conduct a Past Year Love Review

Step 1: 80/20 your 2024 love life

Grab a notebook and some highlighters, or start a spreadsheet and create two columns: ‘Positive’ and ‘Negative’. Think of this as your highlight/lowlight reel for 2024.

You’re about to learn that 80 per cent of your love life wins probably came from just 20 per cent of your actions. Your job here is to go through 2024, to spot what worked so you can ruthlessly cut what’s not. 

Go through your year week by week and leave no stone unturned. You’re looking for patterns—the good, the bad, and the downright cringe.

Where to look:

#1. Your calendar

What events or people left you feeling good (or completely drained)?

#2. Your messages

iMessage, WhatsApp, and DMs—who did you enjoy talking to? Who made you cringe every time they texted?

#3. Your photo library

Sort by location on iPhoto (Maps doesn’t lie). Where were your happiest moments captured?

Grab a notebook and some highlighters, or start a spreadsheet and create two columns: ‘Positive’ and ‘Negative’. Think of this as your highlight/lowlight reel for 2024. Image: Pexels.

#4. Your screenshots

What did you screenshot and spread around the group chat for dissection? Is the sender still in your life? Was the analysis or drama worth it?

#5. Your screentime stats

How much time did you spend connecting online instead of in-person?

If you’re single, reflect on which dates (and date formats) left you feeling excited or hopeful. Which ways of meeting people felt natural and fun? Which hobbies or habits led to connections? If you’re in a relationship, ask yourself which moments brought you closer together. Which patterns kept causing friction and left you both feeling stuck?

Next, apply the 80/20 rule. Chances are, a small handful of your actions led to most of your love life wins. So, the goal is to stop wasting time on what makes you feel busy but doesn’t move you forward. When recalling these moments, pay attention to your gut reactions and energy levels. 

Now, ask yourself these key questions:

• What 20% of my actions, people, or habits contributed most to my dating or relationship wins?
• What 20% caused the most drama, ghosting spirals, or “WTF am I doing?” moments?

If you’re single, reflect on which dates (and date formats) left you feeling excited or hopeful.

Step 2: Reflect with brutal honesty

If you don’t face your bad habits head-on, you’ll keep repeating them. No one has time for another year of the same mistakes. So now, turn everything in your Negative column into your ‘not-to-do’ list for 2025. 

This is your official breakup letter to self-sabotage and emotional dead ends, and it is the part where you need to be uncomfortably honest with yourself. 

Singles, were you showing up as your best self or settling for situationships because being alone felt worse? Were you swiping mindlessly with zero intent to meet? Enough of that. Cut it. Are you texting that walking red flag again? Block and bless.

Couples, were you genuinely communicating or just keeping score? Did you fall into autopilot mode instead of actively investing in the relationship? Are you showing up for your partner or expecting them to read your mind?

Stick your ‘not-to-do’ list somewhere visible or make it your phone background to keep it front and centre. We all know how easy it is to slip back into old patterns when loneliness, boredom, or wine kick in.

Were you swiping mindlessly with zero intent to meet? Enough of that. Cut it. Are you texting that walking red flag again? Block and bless. Image: Getty

Step 3: Make ‘New Year Reservations’

Here’s the deal: If it’s not scheduled, it’s not happening. Your love life isn’t about wishful thinking; it’s about doing. Your values aren’t what you say they are; they’re what you prioritise. 

Take your highlights from the Positive column and lock them in now. Tim Ferriss calls this “New Year Reservations,” booking what works before you get distracted by Netflix marathons and late-night doom scrolling.

If that yoga class was a hotspot for meet-cutes, sign up again, this time for a whole semester! If coffee dates feel more authentic than dinner, prioritise them. If weekend getaways reignited the spark, plan them now. If date nights fell through too often, schedule them and guard that time like your paycheck.

If it’s not on your calendar, it doesn’t exist, and intentions remain just that—intentions.

If weekend getaways reignited the spark, plan them now. Image: iStock

Why PYLR works better than resolutions

Resolutions are built on fantasy. The PYLR is built on evidence. It forces you to face reality, like realising that, for all your talk about “wanting a relationship,” your calendar was mainly filled with solo Netflix marathons instead of singles events. And yes, that realisation might sting. However, the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

If you’re serious about changing your love life, you must take what worked, ditch what didn’t, and act on it. With a PYLR, you’re not just hoping for love in 2025 but building it. Godspeed!

Originally published as Forget New Year’s resolutions – it's time to try a 'Past Year Love Review' instead