The 'scary' reason I'm never playing another board game with my family

"Game night sucks - my kids always sink to a savage new low and last night was the lowest."

We just reached a savage new low at our family game night.

My girls are nearly 10 and 11 - ages where we can move on from junior versions of Scrabble, Monopoly, and Cluedo, and branch out from Connect 4 and Guess Who.

Being a board game lover, I was excited recently to introduce them to my all-time favourite: Scattergories, which is essentially a timed word game. Sounds innocent enough.

What unfolded, though, could best be described as the board game from hell.

Everyone involved was left traumatised, and reluctant to play anything against each other ever again. 

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So, it turns out we are like Monica from Friends

You see, as we began the first round, it became evident quite quickly that it would never be a good outcome. In hindsight, I should have pulled the pin.

As soon as the timer began its aggressive count down, and the four of us were writing words beginning with K, each family member’s distinct personality started to... shine. 

My eldest daughter, Addison, and I are quite similar. We are like Monica Gellar from Friends - super competitive. Neither of us likes to lose, we are sticklers for the rules, and we have a very righteous sense of social justice (i.e., we dob on people who break the rules and contest any borderline results). 

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Shona's husband enjoying game night. Image: supplied

So, when it came to announcing our answers for historical figures beginning with the letter K, Addison was outraged with Katy Perry which was my youngest daughter, Milla’s choice, firmly/aggressively stating/decreeing that “She is a singer, not a historical figure, this can't be accepted.”

I was shocked and intimidated at her stubbornness on this, especially considering she and I had both named Kris Jenner. (Realistically, what's a family game night without a healthy dose of double standards?)

And so unfolded the first sisterly argument of the night, ending with Milla becoming highly offended and storming off. 

I invested some time after that convincing her to come back. Don't ask me why.

Eventually (after some chocolate bribery), she returned, and we continued. Again, don't ask me why.

Shona and her family in more relaxing times. Image: supplied

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"I will never play this game again for as long as I live"

My lovely, mild-mannered husband’s facial expression grew more disgruntled as the game went on. But it wasn't just the frustration of the girls that affected his mood.

As he considered each category on his game card and struggled to think of words to write down, he began to mutter bitterly to himself; but really, so all of us could hear.

"I hate this game," was his hissed refrain. Finally, after it becoming clear that he would not only not win, but also come last, he declared "I will never play this game for as long as I live."

This was a surprising side to him I hadn't seen before, and it was all because of Scattergories.

Milla, who began relatively focused, lost interest around this time and began crazy-laughing to herself as she wrote down the most ridiculous things she could think of, like Carrot Cult Leader for crimes starting with 'C'.

But she wasn't just losing the plot; she also couldn’t care less about whether she won or not, in part because of boredom, and in part to annoy Addison, who she knew took the game very seriously.

Addison and I continued our extremely focused gameplay, heads down and writing furiously until it came time to share our results. We would become annoyed and remorseful when our choice matched (and therefore was discounted) with another player, shaking our heads in disappointment.

In summary: there was no fun at the Fun Family Game Night. 

Finally, the game came to an end. Addi came in second place, huffing off in fury; my husband merely told me to "never to ask him to play this again", and Milla took the snacks to her room.

And me, the 'winner', was left to pack up and come to terms with the scary new things I'd learned about my family that night.

Originally published as The 'scary' reason I'm never playing another board game with my family