The one sentence I'm sick of seeing about childcare

It's hurting more than it helps. *Content warning: Contains content that some may find distressing* 

*Content warning: Contains content that some may find distressing* 

There’s one sentence I’ve seen a lot of this week.

And it might just be the most unhelpful, guilt-laden and unfair thing someone could type out and hit send on:

“This is why I don’t send my kids to daycare.”

Of the back of the horrific news out of a Melbourne childcare this week, emotions are high.  

My son enjoying daycare. Image: Supplied

RELATED: Dear childcare educators… we still see you. 

Trusting educators isn’t a betrayal

There’s so much judgement buried in that sentence. Every time I read it, I feel a pang of guilt that I don't deserve. That no parent deserves. 

But I keep seeing that sentence, or variations of it, in the comment section of Facebook posts and TikToks discussing this horrific tragedy.  

A 26-year-old man was hit with more than 70 charges after he allegedly abused eight children at a Melbourne childcare centre.

But some of the anger and blame is getting misplaced and aimed at the wrong people: parents. 

If you’d never send your kid to daycare, good for you. But don’t shame parents who have no choice. Or those who made that choice with trust and love.

I’m one of the many Australian mums who drops their child off at a daycare door each morning. 

I trust the educators to keep him safe while I go to work and maintain my ability to provide for him financially. I’m sick of seeing that decision twisted into some suggestion of parental neglect. 

I can’t imagine what the parents affected by this tragedy are going through, being told their children need to be tested for infectious diseases. All while strangers online criticise them for ever using daycare in the first place.

Imagine having to read that kind of discourse. We, as a community, shouldn’t be writing it in the first place.

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The system failed. Parents didn’t

You never realise how brutal other parents can be until you become one. The same people preaching “be kind” are often the first to crucify your choices.

If you’re angry. Be angry. But aim it where it belongs: at predators, not parents. At oversight failures, not families. 

Children turning up at the doorstep of a daycare is not the issue here.

We’re in a cost of living crisis. For so many of us, single income households just aren’t an option.

Telling parents to “just keep your kids home” ignores reality. The day-to-day lives of parents doing it tough financially. Single mums. FIFO families.

Parents who want to continue the careers they built long before they became “mum” or “dad.” Ambition doesn’t cancel out love. It doesn’t make for bad parents.

And not everyone has a grandparent on standby. Not everyone has a village.

We all wish we had more time with our kids. They’re only little for such a short time.

But the flood of blame right now is muddying the waters. And it’s hurting people who don’t deserve it.

I want to also speak to something else I’ve seen: people calling for all male educators to be removed from daycares.

RELATED: Man charged with sexually abusing children at Melbourne childcare centre 

This isn’t just about daycare

This kind of blanket thinking is dangerous. The male educators who show up each day with compassion, care and professionalism should not be lumped in with monsters.

Removing men from early education doesn’t make kids safer, it just teaches our children that men can’t be nurturing or trusted. That is not the message we want to send.

And it erases the reality that abuse doesn’t just come from men. Or just from daycare.

Children can be victims of abuse at home, at sleepovers, in religious spaces, at sport. Abuse is a people problem. Not a profession or gender problem.

Today I got a notification from my son's daycare. They shared the ways they’re helping children understand consent and body safety. No matter the setting.

I saw photos of little children practising how to say “stop,” holding out their hands with confidence.

These educators are doing everything they can to protect and empower the children in their care.

So if you’re reading this and daycare isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity, I want you to know:

You’re doing your best. Talk to your educators. Ask questions. Stay connected.  

You are not a bad parent for putting your child first. If that looks like putting them into daycare then that’s okay. 

Originally published as The one sentence I'm sick of seeing about childcare