The one question I have for parents who push ‘sleepunders’

"Why are you letting your child associate with people who you fear will harm your child when you’re not around?"

Growing up, there was nothing more exciting than having a sleepover at your bestie's house.

You’d watch scary movies, eat too much junk food and stay up talking until the early morning hours.

However, a new trend sweeping the parenting world leaves me a little confused: the “sleepunder”.

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What is a sleepunder?

Instead of packing an overnight bag and spending the night, parents are opting to pick up their kids late and bring them home to sleep.

“Sleepunders or lateovers are particularly helpful for younger kids or those who have separation anxiety or who are sensitive to sleep or transition issues,” Erica Komisar, a New York-based psychoanalyst, parenting expert and author, told the New York Post.

It’s not about being overprotective but more so about “being sensitive to individual children’s needs.” 

“Some kids can do sleepovers without any hesitation, while others are less comfortable changing their routine,” she added.

Overprotective or comforting?

If you don’t want your child to miss out, but your little one is feeling anxious about being away, then the sleepunder is perfect. 

I would have hated being ‘forced’ to sleep at a friend's house when I wasn’t feeling up to it, but I know I’d have also had FOMO not going at all so it’s a perfect solution.

However, the comments from Nicholette Leanza, a psychotherapist at LifeStance Health, around the new concept, left me confused.

“There are fears that children may be harmed while sleeping over at someone else’s home,” said Leanza. 

“The fears… that a child may become a potential victim of sexual abuse [is] enough to make any parent paranoid and uneasy about letting their kid spend the night elsewhere,” she added.

RELATED: My teen's going to a mixed sleepover; I'm suspicious

Either you trust the parents, or you don't, no? Source: iStock

Wait, so they are safe during the day, but…?

I’m not sure why some parents would feel comfortable leaving their kids at another family’s home during the day but then think only when the child is sleeping could potential harm occur.

Of course, if the parents are staying for the playdate to supervise and feel nervous about leaving them, that’s one story. 

However, this begs the question, why are you letting your child associate with people who you fear will harm your child when you’re not around?

Perhaps I’m missing something here?

Other mums weigh in

Rachel is mum to an eleven-year-old daughter and was a little confused by the whole ‘sleepunder’ concept.

“Isn’t that just letting your kids stay late at a playdate?” she questioned.

“I do worry about my daughter’s friends encouraging her to get up to no good at such an impressionable age, but I trust my daughter and the parents of my daughter’s friends to do the right thing.”

Mum to six-year-old twin boys, Alana shared an interesting insight, “I typically invite the friends of my boys to stay at our place if I don’t know their parents.”

“I’m pretty strict with where my boys spend the night, so I use an invitation to our place as a way to get to know the parents.”

RELATED: I won't let my daughter attend sleepovers - she will thank me later

For many parents, sleepovers are a no-go for their kids. Source: iStock

Maybe I don't get it

Perhaps I'm missing something with the new concept.

It's either a day with your friends or it's a sleepover, right?

Either way, I think as a parent, you have a good gut instinct.

If you're not comfortable leaving your child in the care of another family overnight, it's probably a red flag to even let them spend any time with them without you being around.

While my little one is only 13 months old (and far away from sleepovers), I know if I don't feel comfortable, I will be inviting her friends over for sleepovers and sleepunders and sleepwhatevers at our place!

Originally published as The one question I have for parents who push ‘sleepunders’