My stepkid stuck a note on her door - I tore it down for a $5000 reason

"I will do whatever I want in my own home, thanks. She's only a guest."

Being a stepmum was a joyous experience for me - until my stepdaughter became a teenager.

When I met her dad - even when I'd married him five years later - she was a sweet child.

I took my stepmum duties seriously, and when she was with us every second week, I'd try to ensure she felt at home. We even used to refer to her mum's house, and ours, by the suburb name, to make it clear that she belonged in both homes.

I was a lot younger than her dad, so I think she looked at me like an aunt or older sister - until she turned 13, that is.

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Everything changed seemingly overnight

I didn't see it coming, considering the relationship we'd had, but everything changed when my stepdaughter turned 13.

She went from someone who was a pleasure to be around to a young teen with a dreadful attitude. She began to lie about her whereabouts, steal my make-up and cash, and forge my signature on notices of failed grades.

OK, so that sounds like typical teen behaviour; even though I didn't really get it as in my eyes, she had no reason to be so angry all the time. But she was, and rather than her parents who would occasionally disagree on how they raised her, she took it out on me.

It was actually really hurtful, and it took me years - and becoming a mum myself - to understand it. I tried not to take the bait, but I was getting sick of being treated disrespectfully in what was my home, too. Not just hers.

The stepdaughter posted the note to her bedroom door. Source: Kidspot

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The note on her bedroom door

One day after she'd returned to her other home, I went into her bedroom.

I'd made her a beautiful room, in a sage green theme; it was so tranquil and of course, she was allowed to mark her territory in any way she liked with posters, etc.

That room also had brilliant floor-to-ceiling storage, and that was why I would go in when she wasn't around - to access bed linen, towels, and other items we kept in there.

The way I saw it, there was plenty of room for her stuff as well as things for the family (including her brother and her father). So there was no reason it should have made her feel unwelcome - or as though I or anyone else was imposing if they went in there.

We didn't touch anything of hers - apart from me changing the bed linen, of course.

This is why I was gobsmacked when I saw the sign on her closed door.

The offensive sign on my stepkid's door

The hand-written sign read, "KEEP OUT" in capitals, scrawled with a thick, black texta.

I called my stepdaughter immediately, and she told me, "I'm sick of you going into my room."

I didn't get it. She wasn't ever there when I went in... but maybe it was the fact that I/her family kept things in there. It didn't make sense to me.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. 

I was disgusted. Already she was so rude and entitled when all I wanted to do was make her happy. I didn't think she'd treat her own mum like this.

And then the thought occurred to me: I didn't want to be treated like that in my own home.

"We pay $5000 a month for the mortgage on this place," I told my husband later. It was a beautiful home, which we made a lot of sacrifices for.

"I will go into any room I wish."

And I will do what I want in my own home, I thought, knowing how hard we worked to pay that mortgage. 

"I tore up the note"

I tore up the note and messaged my stepkid to tell her that was a rude move on her part and made the mistake of trying to defend entering her room on occasion. 

I truly believe I would have done the same thing were it my own biological child behaving this way... especially as I began to suspect this was a power play.

Of course, as usual, my husband didn't call his daughter out on anything, so it appeared to be a battle between just me and her.

A week later, she messaged him to say she wasn't coming to this home anymore, as she didn't feel welcome. I was absolutely devastated to think I'd been part of her decision.

But seriously, what more did this girl want from me?

Originally published as My stepkid stuck a note on her door - I tore it down for a $5000 reason