My SIL asked for my 4yo's birthday present back for the rudest reason

While some thought the sister was way out of line, others could see her point and said they'd "do the same in a heartbeat."

A woman has taken to an advice forum to ask if she's in the wrong for not returning her child's birthday gift after her sister-in-law asked for it back. 

She explains, "My daughter Maddie* just turned four. We had a family birthday party for her including my mum, stepdad, sister Liv*, her husband Stephen* and their five-year-old Callie*.

"We were all, except Stephen, staying at our place overnight, but Stephen had a family event the night before so came the day of the party," she explained.

When he arrived, he brought Maddie's birthday gift, which was a motorised ride-on car. 

The OP's sister, Liv, was quite clearly surprised but didn't say anything at the time. 

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Image: IStock

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"She said her daughter wants it"

It turns out that Liv had left Stephen in charge of buying Maddie's present, so the OP just thought she was surprised as she was finding out what it was at the same time as everyone else. 

During the party the OP's niece, Callie, seemed upset and also wanted to play with the car a lot. 

Cut to two days later, and her sister called her asking if she could return the car as Callie really wanted it. 

"I thought this was way out of line to ask and said no," the OP explained.

"Liv is now saying I’m an a**hole, since I could easily afford to buy another one for Maddie but she and Stephen can’t.

"I could buy another one but it was Maddie’s gift, I think it’s absurd she’s asking for it back. My parents say since it’s causing issues I should just give it back or gift Callie one but I think this whole thing is just ridiculous. AITA?"

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"She's just pissed her husband bought an expensive gift"

Commenters were split down the middle, with some saying the OP was justified in thinking it was an absurd request, while others felt bad for her sister's predicament. 

"NTA. Your sister is really rude. I think she is pissed her husband bought an expensive gift for your child and used her child as an excuse to get it back," one of the top comments read.

Another replied, "Agreed. If they had a budget for the gift and Stephen exceeded that, then that’s between him and Liv. OP's parents need to tell her to cut that out."

Then a third added this perspective, "It's equally as possible that the gift was within the budget, Liv doesn't care, saw how much her daughter wanted it and is entitled enough to demand it from OP."

"Sounds like the husband either has no clue how to spend money or really wanted to impress everyone with his big gift," suggested someone else.

"NTA. This is ridiculous. Her husband. Her problem. It’s ludicrous to try to take something from a child because you don’t like something your husband did," a different woman concluded.

"It's cruel to make your sister beg"

On the other hand, one sympathetic reader wrote, "Judging from the comments OP and her family are quite wealthy, while her sister/BILare definitely not. Maybe he thought he had to bring a 'rich people's gift' or else OP would look down her nose at them?

"If so, I could understand why the niece would be distraught. She's used to seeing her cousin get all the nice stuff for her birthday and Christmas and she doesn't, but to see that coming from her own DAD must be particularly difficult."

Then a second weighed in, adding, "I'm sorry, but I can't even IMAGINE accepting a birthday gift that costs hundreds of dollars for my kid from a sibling when that sibling isn't wealthy.

"Liv didn't cause a scene at the party because she was so EMBARRASSED, but I would understand in a HEARTBEAT why the gift needs to be returned. It is damn cruel to make your sister beg.

"I would have pulled her aside and asked what was going on at the actual party. The BIL's behaviour is absolutely inappropriate and bizarre, and I don't understand why the OP thinks it's OK."

Originally published as My SIL asked for my 4yo's birthday present back for the rudest reason