My mum won't babysit for free while I work and I can't believe it

"While it's nice when grandparents babysit, they aren't obligated to do it. You want a full-time nanny not a grandma," read one comment on the frankly gobsmacking post.

A young mum has bitterly complained about her retired mother's refusal to look after her baby for free when she returns to work.

The woman asked a popular parenting forum if her expectation was unreasonable, and if she was right to be outraged by her mother's decision.

"I asked my mum to help me take care of my newborn so I could go back to work once my leave is up," she begins in her post, before launching into an epic rant of entitlement.

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Grandma knows her retirement is for a good time, not necessarily a long time. Source: iStock

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"She's home all day long"

The woman continues:

"My mum is 64, has been a homemaker/stay-at-home-mum since 1992, and hasn't been part of the workforce since then.

"She's refused, saying she's too old and that she already raised her kids. She also added that if I really wanted this baby, then maybe I should have thought about staying home like she did to take care of it while my partner goes to work and provides for us like a "traditional" family, and that if she any my dad were able to work it out, so can we."

But the woman has rejected this advice, citing thousands of dollars' worth of debt she and her husband need to work to pay off - although she calls herself "the breadwinner" so it mostly falls on her.

The grandmother remained unmoved.

"She then proceeded to say that she will charge me $20/hr for each hour she takes care of the baby, plus late fees if we are late for pickup, and must provide her with a carseat, stroller, bottles, and pretty much double of everything we have at our home to compensate for taking the baby to her house."

That might sound like a fair exchange for being available on a regular basis - but the woman didn't think so, repeating that she expects support from her mum while she and her husband "fix our finances."

Later, she emphasises, "I am struggling financially to stay afloat."

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"Why are you having a child you don't know what to do with?"

The comments on the thread were largely unempathetic with the mum's situation.

"Your mother is under no obligation to babysit for you. Why are you having a child you don't seem to know what to do with? And why have you not worked all this put before now?" was one of the popular comments.

Another brutal response read: "Holy entitlement, Batman. Your mum is in no way obligated to care for YOUR BABY.

"It's generous of her to be willing to do it for pay, and you have the gall to be mad she won't do it for free? She is entitled to spend her life and free time however the hell she wants.

"It's not her fault you’re in debt and decided to have a baby you can't afford. The only thing she may have done wrong at some point along the line is raise you to be this horribly entitled."

A slightly less blunt person added: "While it's nice when grandparents babysit, they aren't obligated to do it. You want a full-time nanny not a grandma."

And then there was this assessment: "You can't just expect to dump your baby on your mother to look after, what's wrong with you?

"In the end, it's your responsibility to care for your child and work that out around work, if you couldn't manage that, you shouldn't be making babies."

This story was updated in October 2023.

Originally published as My mum won't babysit for free while I work and I can't believe it