My boomer parents overindulge my kids, how do I make it stop?

"I love that they are there when I need them; but they're just too much in this one way." Kidspot's Jordana offers advice to this reader's dilemma.

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Advice Needed 

My boomer parents are great; they are a large part of my kids' lives and upbringing. And while I love that they are there when I need them, I have an issue with the fact they overindulge their grandkids. Every time they come over, they must bring a treat for the kids, whether it's lollies or chocolate. It’s a point now where my kids expect it, and it’s a vicious cycle.

They don’t want to disappoint the kids when they come over, which I understand. But when they leave, the kids bounce off the walls on a sugar high - and also want the same treats from me for days after.

How do I let everyone down gently? I don’t want my folks to think the kids won’t want them coming over if they don’t have a treat in their hands. But I also need to detox the kids! Please help. 

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Jordana’s Advice 

Mama, I feel you - I am currently navigating the grandparent-treat-train myself. Grandparents of this ilk often believe spoiling their grandkids is their job. Give them the things we as parents won’t - like lollies and screens. Yes, I speak from experience. My children beg me to visit their grandparents, and I know why! 

There are a couple of ways you can tackle this - whichever you decide, the end game isn’t to restrict your kids from treats; it’s about maintaining their relationship with the grandies.

If only our parents would realise that bribery with treats isn’t the key to a strong bond; it’s quality time.

If you don’t want to tell your parents to stop bringing treats - it’s not just kids who overreact to being told no - then it’s best to manage your children’s diet that day to counterbalance the onslaught of lollies and chocolates from Nan and Pop.

If you know your parents are coming over, fuel the kids; you don’t want them treated on an empty stomach. Fill them with protein-rich foods to ensure their blood sugar doesn’t spike when the lollies hit the bloodstream. 

One step further comes from paediatric nutritionist Mandy Sacher: "I also recommend gifting grandparents a stash of homemade goodies they can keep in their freezer or preferred supermarket goodies that you’re happy to give to the kids. Don’t expect them to go out and read labels and seek out the healthier store-bought snacks.”

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Grandma, no more treats! Source: iStock

Swap the lollies for berries! 

Another great option, especially with cost-of-living considerations - is to swap the lollies for berries/fruit. Fresh produce is super expensive these days, and most households are going without because of it.

So, it would be a legitimate treat for you as the parent. My boys are berry fiends - I appreciate it when my MIL replenishes our stocks. 

If the kids eventually cotton onto the fact that these are healthier treats - mine are mini detectives and know when I’ve influenced the snack stash - reassure your parents it’s ok, the kids won’t reject them because of the treat isn't 'indulgent'.

Another option is to encourage the kids to bake with your parents; it's a great bonding exercise. Some of my favourite childhood memories are in the kitchen with my grandmother. They will remember that more than the plastic-wrapped treats. 

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Go old school; talk to them

Another way is to talk to your parents about how you feel. Awkward, I know.

Just tell them that you love that they spend time with your kids, and they don’t need to bring anything when they come over. Make it clear: it’s the frequency of sugary treats you have an issue with - not them personally. Throw yourself under the bus and say, ‘I just can’t handle them when they’re high on sugar after you leave.’ 

Explain that moderation is best when “treating” your kids - it removes the expectation and inevitable disappointment when they don’t get it from you later.

I hope this helps with your parents and their habits!

Originally published as My boomer parents overindulge my kids, how do I make it stop?