My 7yo son is being forced to attend a 'compulsory' sleepover at school

"Sounds like a paedophile wanting to be with unsupervised children," one parent said, while another pointed out, "Some kids still wet the bed at that age."

A recent Facebook post in the Sydney Mums group has sparked widespread concern about a school's decision to make a sleepover for Year One students compulsory.

A concerned aunt, whose niece is in the co-ed grade at the private school, shared her worries about the event with the group. She pointed out that most kids haven't even had a sleepover anywhere at that age. 

However, the school claims it's "teaching kids resilience by being away from their parents".

Now hundreds of other parents have shared their opinions in the comments, expressing their concerns about its appropriateness and 'compulsory' nature. 

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The compulsory Year One sleepover

In the Facebook post, the aunt explains that her niece's school has announced that all Year One students must attend a sleepover at the school library in a couple of weeks. They outlined that it's 'compulsory' at the information night at the beginning of the year and in many subsequent newsletters. 

"My niece is only just seven and a lot of her friends are younger," she explains.

"Most of them including my niece have never had a sleepover anywhere. My brother and his wife are quite worried about it and of course, they believe their child their rules, but the school is putting a lot of pressure on them to do it.

"In response to how it relates to the school curriculum, the principal said it is about wellbeing and teaching them resilience. They don’t have socials but they’re wondering how other parents would feel about this...?"

She concluded her post by asking: "Do you find this inappropriate at that age?"

"NOTHING is compulsory"

Comments included, "This would be a hell no from me," and, "How bizarre and inappropriate." Others said: "Absolutely no way," and "WTF."

One common concern among commenters was the sleepover being compulsory. 

A commenter wrote: "That’s so weird they're making it compulsory (which they legally can’t.)"

Another said: "Age has nothing to do with it. It is inappropriate for the school to state it is compulsory for any age group. They can’t 'make' you send your child to a school camp at any age."

And a third wrote: "What sort of school makes this activity compulsory? To me, this is just highly suspicious."

A fourth emphasised: "They can say it's compulsory all they want. NOTHING and I mean absolutely NOTHING is compulsory as far as our kids are concerned. Your kids, your rules."

"Sounds like a paedophile wanting to be with unsupervised children"

Then others raised safety concerns. "Honestly, this sounds like a paedophile wanting to get an opportunity to be with unsupervised children. Hard no from me, especially when the school is 'pressuring' parents," one said. 

"Agree! Schools cannot force this," someone else replied. "There are other ways to build resilience. Sounds like an excuse to me."

And another mum said: "Over my dead body. Sleepovers are one of the things child abuse officers warn against - even if supervised. Absolutely insane that a school would pressure parents to willingly and actively put their children in potential harm's way. That is negligent even if not compulsory.

"There is plenty of evidence to suggest why this is so dangerous. Is it really worth the risk? There are so many other lovely activities and 'resilience' building moments in life that are far less risky."

Then a different group member responded: "Even if it's the exact same adults that children are at school with during the week, this is not [appropriate]. Those who wish to do children harm gravitate to where children are, not where they are not. Whilst we can't eliminate the risk, we can reduce it by applying our own personal risk comfort to these situations, on behalf of our children."

Someone else added: "I think it's creepy and full of red flags to have such a bizarre requirement!"

"Nighttime accidents can be a regular occurrence"

Then plenty of other users noted that kids still have trouble sleeping at this age, let alone sleeping away from their parents.

"I think it’s incredibly inappropriate at this age particularly as nighttime accidents can be a regular occurrence at this age for some kids and are only exacerbated by stress," one top commenter pointed out. 

"There are potentially kids who still wet the bed or wear 'Pull-ups', or sleep with a comforter that is a 'secret' - this isn’t very fair on them..." chimed in another mum. 

Another remarked: "That is the strangest request I’ve ever heard from a school. Most kids have probably never had a sleepover in their young lives yet! Wow."

Then this teacher shared, "I have supervised many overnight activities and have sat up nearly all night with students who had such anxiety about being away from their family and that was in year six. Year one is too young!"

"Scaring children does not build resilience," added another. 

Mums and teachers from other states say this is "normal"

Other parents pointed out that this is normal practice in states like Victoria and South Australia. 

Someone wrote: "Very normal in Victoria for schools to have a sleepover from grade one upwards. My kids have all participated and as an educator, I have been there for a few of them as well. It is such a fun event and the kids love it. No more compulsory than any other camp but kids all tended to want to attend."

"I’m a teacher too, and it’s actually concerning how many parents are flat out ‘no’ on this… I think done right, it could potentially be a great way for students to experience independence from their parents for one night with their friends," added a different woman.

"I grew up in Adelaide and had school sleepovers in that same grade. We played games, had dinner, watched a movie and went to bed! Same with our son when he was the same age," wrote another. 

And this person argued: "SO many parents don't let them do it at their friend's houses anymore, why not let them do it with the people they spend all day with and trust? If you are really that worried, get a police check and volunteer to be there."

The OP replied to this by saying, "The principal won't allow parents to attend," while another pointed out, "A police check doesn't guarantee anything."

Suggestions from parents flow in

Some suggestions for the poster included:

• "You could collect the child after the evening activities and drop them back for breakfast if you were uncomfortable with your child sleeping over."
• "Say no and don't send the child. Send a formal email to the school - teacher, principal, vice principal and say no. Leave it at that."
• "Let the Department of Education know."
• "I'd change schools."

This article was originally published in July 2023 and was updated in January 2024.

Originally published as My 7yo son is being forced to attend a 'compulsory' sleepover at school