It's not my job to remind my ex that it's our son's birthday

"Now he says I'm a huge jerk for breaking our kid's heart."

Co-parenting can be challenging, especially if one parent is carrying more of the load, both mental and physical, when it comes to raising their child. 

In that case, is it up to the weight barer to step up when the other parent isn't as engaged, so the child in question feels the love of both parents?

That is what a divorced mother has recently questioned; unsure if she made the right decision when it came to her son’s recent birthday. In an online post, the woman details the story of her contentious relationship post-divorce, explaining that her husband has never been involved when it comes to her son's birthday. 

"If I planned a whole party, I would tell our son it was from the both of us, even though his dad would forget and then piggyback off all my work," she writes.

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"It was clear he forgot again"

"My son's birthday is this weekend, and I had the kids and threw a party, got the gifts and so on.

"Now halfway through the day since there was no call from him to wish our kid happy birthday it became obvious that he forgot. My son absolutely noticed by the end of the day was quite sad. I told him he will be seeing him tomorrow and maybe he has a surprise."

She gave him a chance to redeem himself for missing a day-of birthday call, but even that didn’t help.

"Well, he didn’t plan a thing and he only remembered after our son basically yelled at him for forgetting," she went on. "We got in a huge phone argument about me being petty that I didn't throw his name on a card or even remind him when it was clear he forgot.

"I don't see why I should since he is a grown adult and he should step up. He thinks I am a huge jerk."

But then she really started doubting her decision when her own mum said that she should have made her ex look good so that her kid wouldn't have been shattered on his birthday.

A mother "covers" for her son's absent father on his birthday. Source: iStock

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Down in the comments, most people were confident that while it hurt her son in the short term, not covering for her ex was the right thing to do in the long term.

"You stopped enabling your ex's dysfunction. Good on you," the most popular comment read. 

"In the short term, it may seem that covering for your ex is better for the kids, but it isn't. It would be far better if your ex learns to be a better father from actually having to face the consequences of his BS. Even if he doesn't, it's better that your kids know who he actually is."

"You are no longer responsible for managing your ex's life," another person wrote. "The fact that he still thinks that you are shows how used to you doing everything he is.

"Your ex needs this wake-up call to tell him that you are no longer responsible for him. And your mother is wrong — if you keep covering for him, you will be doing it for the rest of your life and will never be divorced from him, because he will never do it. After all, he gets someone to do all the heavy lifting of being a parent for him."

Another person put it more succinctly:  "Emotional labour stops with divorce."

Others were also quick to point out that both parents should be aware of their child’s birth dates, and other important information - not just rely on one parent to know it all. 

"Birth dates are also one of the only pieces of identifying information that children have because they're too young for photo ID," one wrote. 

"This is important for their safety, not just looking like a good dad on holidays."

Originally published as It's not my job to remind my ex that it's our son's birthday