I'm sent a bill when my adult family celebrates together - even without me

“Mum’s lunch came to $70, my brother texted, casually dropping his bank details."

Growing up, my family always went BIG for birthdays.

Sometimes, it would be a week-long affair, with presents and outings galore. We like to acknowledge and celebrate the milestones.

It’s something that I’ve always loved about us – the fact that we prioritise making each other feel special. But… the way we’re going about recently is getting a little pricey and unsustainable.

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"Then came the bill for lunch"

Each time there's a birthday or a special occasion like Mother's Day or Father's Day, I'm sent a bill for that individual's meal out. 

Even if I'm not there.

My family are all based in Queensland, while I live in regional Victoria. This last Mother’s Day, I threw in money towards some fancy facial products, a card and flowers for my mum. 

And then came the bill for lunch.

“So, ahh, mum’s Mother’s Day lunch came to $70,” my brother texted, dropping his account details below.

“Sorry?” I asked. “Did you say $70? What did she eat? Lobster?”

It turns out she didn’t order the lobster. But it was indeed a nice three-course meal. One that I obviously didn’t attend. I was busy ON THE OTHER SIDE of the country enjoying my homemade breakfast and handmade treasures from my little people.

Image: Melissa and her family

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"I never invoice my siblings"

Now, before I’m branded a scrooge, can I just clarify again that I’m more than happy to put money towards a gift for my mum, dad, sisters and brother. That’s not a problem. 

But why should I have to pay for someone's lavish lunch or dinner out... when I'm not even attending in person? Incidentally, when my folks visit me in Victoria and it happens to fall on their birthday or Mother’s Day, I don’t send my siblings the invoice for the meal. 

The thing is, I come from a huge family of six people, so all of these birthdays and special occasions throughout the year add up financially, especially in today’s cost-of-living crisis. In the meantime, I have a family of five to support back in Victoria.

I asked a couple of my friends about this to see if the way my family does birthdays and special occasions was the norm.

“Are you kidding?” one friend laughed. “I would be so pissed off if someone invoiced me for a lunch or dinner that I wasn’t even present at."

And so, I think it’s time to rethink the way we do birthdays and special occasions.

I need to have a chat with my family and explain that I’m happy to contribute towards a present for each of them, but I’m no longer footing the bill for fancy three-course meals out multiple times a year.

I think whoever gets the pleasure of that person's company on the day should be the one to shout them a meal, if they are so determined to celebrate that way.

Originally published as I'm sent a bill when my adult family celebrates together - even without me