‘I’m pregnant with a boy and I’m so disappointed - I desperately wanted a girl’

“I’ve had points where I feel like I’d rather not be pregnant than have a boy - and I don’t know why I feel like this.” 

It’s no secret that Yvonne* was excited about her first pregnancy. 

She had it all planned in her head. Yvonne wanted a girl and imagined a life raising her with her husband, Jakob*. 

After trying for years, she fell pregnant using IVF. All was going well, and the couple were preparing for their new arrival. 

A few years ago, Yvonne’s mum passed away, so when she found out her baby was due the day after her mum’s birthday, she thought it was fate. 

At her 20-week scan, Yvonne was preparing to find out the sex of her baby. 

She pictured raising a little girl and creating a mother-daughter relationship that she once had with her own mum.

But the entire journey has left her feeling disappointed. 

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Yvonne was disappointed when she found out she was having a boy. Source: iStock

Mum-to-be “resents” being pregnant with boy

Taking to Mumsnet, the British woman said the scan has made her feel “embarrassed, stressed, upset and really anxious.” 

While she and her husband are over the moon about the new arrival, she confessed she is “apprehensive” about the lifestyle changes a baby will create. 

But she pushed these feelings of apprehension aside. She and her husband said they would “prefer” a girl, so when she found out they were having a boy, she felt “floored” by the news. 

“I feel like I have no ‘right’ to feel like this,” she added. “...especially given through IVF, I know so many people who would give anything to be in the position I am now. 

“But I still can’t seem to shake how it’s made me feel.” 

She said the news has left her feeling “resentful of this thing growing inside [her]”, and she doesn’t “want ‘him’ there.” 

She has gone so far as to say she’s had “points where [she] feels [she’d] rather not be pregnant than have a boy.”

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“You won’t always feel this way…”

This is something that many other women have experienced, so they shared their advice with the expecting mother. 

A woman shared her experience after “wanting a girl and shopping for a girl”, only to find out she was having a boy. 

“I can hand on heart say he was born, and I adored him,” she assured the mum. “I just adore having a son. He's beautiful and gorgeous. He's lovely.”

“I do understand, it doesn’t make you the worst person in the world or anything like that!” said another. 

“I had quite severe gender disappointment with my son, and it took me a long time to get over it, but he is a delight,” another mum said. “He has every much right to my love and my heart as his sister does, and he is my perfect boy.”

Others advised Yvonne to see a midwife about the issue. “I think you might need to contact your midwife,” wrote a concerned parent. “There is a mental health midwife team that might be helpful to you.”

“For now, you need to find someone professional to speak to so you can work through these feelings and start to feel excited about motherhood,” another mum added. 

Another woman assured Yvonne that she would likely not feel the same way once her child was born. 

“Honestly, you won't always feel this way,” they said. “You'll be so in love when that baby is in your arms.”

*Names have been changed.

Originally published as ‘I’m pregnant with a boy and I’m so disappointed - I desperately wanted a girl’