I was told to 'find a man', or my son will end up in jail

"He said that the boys of single mums will 'turn bad' once there's no man in the home."

A single mum from Melbourne shares her story with Kidspot.

It was Christmas Day and like many other families, my relatives from far and wide came together for lunch.

This year, an uncle, *Bob, who I hadn’t seen for quite a while, was in attendance; and along with some pretty crappy Christmas gifts, he brought a crappy attitude.

While I knew Bob was notorious for his traditional views of the world, I had never been too bothered by him before and while I don’t ever agree, his perspectives are usually easy to ignore.

But not this year.

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"Do you have a boyfriend?"

As we sat around the outdoor area and I supervised my kids playing in the pool with their cousins, Bob sat down on the empty chair next to me and started to ask about my personal life; namely around my children’s father and whether I had a boyfriend.

When I told him no, that I was very much single and their dad was still totally absent from their lives, he looked me dead in the eye and told me something that I still can't quite believe.

“You better get yourself a man or your son will end up behind bars,” he said, me as certain as a person can be about anything.

When he said this, I thought I had misheard him. I mean WTF does this even mean? My son in jail?

When I said excuse me, in response, thinking that he must have said the wrong thing, or I misheard, he just repeated it again - but then added more detail.

This point was extensive and took him a few solid minutes to explain, two minutes of which I wish had never transpired.

In essence, I was told that raising kids as a single mum and not having their dad, or a father figure in their lives, is detrimental to their future, and their mental health, that it causes behavioural problems and impacts how successful they will be.

"Research shows that kids, especially boys, need a male influence or father figure to teach them accountability and that those without one are more likely to get in trouble, go to jail and fail in life," he said, not being an expert in even one aspect of what he was saying.

Not really even knowing my parenting - or my son - at all.

He then continued on with examples of every single mother household he knew of and how each of them had some kid who had, in his words, “turned bad” after their dad was out of the picture.

Image: iStock

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"He's just wrong about single mums"

To say that this lecture was a lot to take in would be the biggest understatement. It was incredulous and insulting, infuriating and above all, untrue.

While I didn’t want to make a scene at a family event, especially at Christmas with so many relatives in attendance, including my young children, it was difficult to hold back; and it took every part of my self-control not to respond with how I really felt.

Instead, I politely excused myself and relocated to a seat as far away as I could get from Bob and his outright rudeness.

I mean, yes, I am a single mum raising two children, one who happens to be a boy and no, their dad is not in their life - but that was a choice made by their father and in my opinion, a positive decision for our family.

And no, I don’t have a partner, nor do I want one right now because I am not in the right place personally, but I don’t think that this has had, or is having, any negative impact on my kids in the slightest. They are well behaved, kind kids who do well at school and most of all, are happy.

Not every married mum can say that.

I guess I can't 100 percent guarantee my son won't be in jail at some stage (who knows how life will turn out for anyone), but I do know this: in the future, I’ll be checking to see if Uncle Bob is attending any family events and if he is, my ‘tainted’, ‘jail bird’ kids and I won't be.

Originally published as I was told to 'find a man', or my son will end up in jail