'I parented my mum and dad and raised my siblings like it was no big deal'

"Parentification is real. I refused to have kids because I parented EVERYONE for 27 years. I clocked OUT. I did my time." 

If you're the eldest child, or an only child, there is a chance that you experienced something in your family that's now become a viral discussion.

All over the internet, people are talking about how their parents relied on them to share their adult burdens, and/or help (or completely) raise their younger siblings - sacrificing their chance to be children themselves.

For example, one older teen shared, "I'm a parent to my parents. They want me to pick up their slack with the little kids, and I don't get a life. I'm not a normal teenager."

It's an experience with a name - Parentification.

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What is Parentification?

Parentification is a modern term used to describe when a child is made to take on the role and responsibilities of an adult. 

This could be in the form of providing regular care for younger siblings in lieu of parental care (so, not just babysitting). It's also any role handed to a child who doesn't have the ability or isn't of an appropriate age.

Dr Nicole LePera, a psychologist who often goes viral on TikTok with her explanations of mental health issues, has been a huge advocate of breaking the silence on Parentification.

In one clip, she role plays what the experience is like from both the child and the parent's perspective.

Child: "I know you and dad don't really get along, and as the oldest, it's my job to manage everyone's anxieties and problems. Of course, no one notices my anxieties, I just disassociate, and I won't remember my childhood."

Mum who depends on the child's maturity: "But you seem like you have it all together?"

Child: "That's just a front. I'm just really confused."

Image: TikTok

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"This post made me feel seen"

Dr LePera has other clips on Parentification, which help people understand what happened to them.

She notes issues such as shame for thinking they disappointed their family in their role, and guilt for desperately wanting to leave.

Viewers have been grateful for the insights into what many didn't even realise is their trauma, with so many echoing this sentiment:

"It’s rare that I am able to feel anything at all, but this post made me feel seen. Thank you."

Another agreed, adding, "So that’s what this is… thank you."

Then there was this comment which highlighted the long-term effects: "Parentification is real. I refused to have kids because I parented EVERYONE for 27 years. I clocked OUT. I did my time."

So many others shared their own experiences of how Parentification shaped them.

For example, this viewer explained, "I'm the youngest by many years so I grew up like an only child, but my parents were done so I was neglected. I am now the mother to my mother."

The heartbreak continued with comments such as: "I’ve been trying to tell my parents for years. I haven’t called myself the substitute mum and now every time I bring it up my mum breaks down in tears, saying that she was just trying her best to be a good mum."

Fortunately, for this person, there was at least some acknowledgement: "My parents have apologized for doing this to me which is great.

"But I’m now having to unpack how this has affected me as a person in therapy."

Did you experience Parentification? Do you worry about doing this to your kids? Tell us in the Facebook comments.

Originally published as 'I parented my mum and dad and raised my siblings like it was no big deal'