I told my friend I was pregnant, then she made the cruelest remark

A flyaway "joke" has broken a friendship, but who was in the wrong?

A childfree woman made a tactless joke at the expense of her pregnant friend, and it did not go down well. 

Jess and her friend Alice (names changed) have been friends for ages and often make jokes about their different life stages. 

Alice, 32, and her husband have been trying to have a baby for about three years, whereas Jess, 29, is childfree.

Despite their differences, it's "never caused a problem in the relationship" between the pair, Jess explains to a forum. 

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Image: IStock

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She wasn't normally offended by joking

In fact, they would often joke about the difference, with Jess telling Alice about all the disposable income she'll miss when she has kids and Alice comparing Jess's dog to her human kid. 

"Neither of us got offended by this joking and it was all in good fun," she continues. 

"On Friday, Alice, a couple of other friends and I went out to lunch and Alice told us that she was three months pregnant," Jess continues.

"I jokingly said, 'I'm so sorry. Let me know if you need a ride to the clinic'." 

Alice flipped out and called Jess an "insensitive b*tch."

"I told her that I was joking but she wouldn’t hear it and she ended up leaving. She hasn’t responded to my texts and calls ever since," Jess says.

Their other friends are staying out of the drama and don't want to give their opinions, so she wants to know - is she in the wrong?

"I understand that my comment would come off as rude if I said it to a stranger, but Alice knows me and this is how we joke with each other," she concludes. 

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"You couldn't be serious for one second?

Commenters were on Alice's side.

"Not everything is a joke. She has tried for a baby for years and you couldn’t give her a moment of earnest support and congratulations? This is exactly like people who get up and give attention-sucking, allegedly funny best man or MOH speeches at weddings," the top comment with 39k likes read. 

Another replied, agreeing with that commenter: "As a mother who had difficulty conceiving, I can say with certainty that if I were in Alice’s shoes, OP would no longer be my friend. Period.

"That being said, she should STILL apologise and get her one hell of a baby shower gift (passed through a mutual friend) because damn it she deserves it. OP, you have NO IDEA the anxiety you have likely induced in this poor woman."

A third said: "They’ve been trying for three years and your first response is to joke to her about giving her a ride to an abortion clinic? This joke was insensitive considering she may be petrified about miscarrying after trying for so long.

"Your jokes may have worked back then, but the circumstances have now changed. Apologise to your friend."

And a fourth emphasised: "Your friend who has been trying for three years to have a child finally achieved their dream and shared that information with her closest friends. And the first words out of your mouth were a joke about terminating her pregnancy.

"You kinda showed what kind of friend you are because you couldn't be serious for one second to congratulate your friend."

"You could have said anything else"

And then this person pointed out, "Nope. You crossed a line with the clinic remark. If you had said something like, 'Well there goes your holiday in Paris,' maybe you could be forgiven. Your 'joke' was completely tasteless."

Then another added even more suggestions about other things she could have said, "Make jokes about the finances, or the size of the bump, or how her bras are now useless, or about buying her hair ties so she doesn't need hubby to hold her hair through morning sickness."

"A joke would have been remarking that this was a bizarre way to say she couldn't cover her bill at a restaurant, not being flippant about terminating a dearly wanted pregnancy," a third added.

"Abortion and miscarriage aren't light-hearted jabs," someone else concluded. 

A fellow childfree poster then weighed in saying, "I'm childfree. My closest friend, who I also believed to be childfree, took me to lunch to tell me that she was pregnant.

"You know what I said? 'Is this good news?'. Then, when she confirmed she was happy and keeping the baby, I congratulated her and let her know that I'm there for her.

"Because I'm not a f**king d**k. My friend hadn't even been trying for a baby, and I knew that regardless of her intentions before becoming pregnant, pregnancy changes minds and emotions. You lack empathy."

Originally published as I told my friend I was pregnant, then she made the cruelest remark