'I never thought I’d be opting out of Mother’s Day emails'

"I felt sick clicking unsubscribe... but what choice did I have?"

I always thought it was weird when an adult would stop speaking to a parent.

Surely, that was only because they'd been severely abused or raised in some other horrible way?

Estrangement from a mum, especially, always confused me, because why wouldn't a mum do everything she could to save the relationship?

Well, as life would have it, I found out the hard way.

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

There I was, on a random Sunday night, scrolling - and then I got an email notification from The Iconic.

It asked me if I wanted to "Opt Out" of emails that were related to Mother's Day sales and products. I ticked the unsubscribe box without a moment's hesitation.

Later, as I was falling asleep, I reflected on how quickly I'd done that.

If you'd told me even a month ago that instead of planning a special celebration on the day, for the woman I had considered my ultimate champion my whole life, that I'd be making the deliberate decision to not even acknowledge Mother's Day, I would have told you it was impossible.

That I'd never inflict such hurt on her. I'd never want her to suffer. That her beautiful soul deserved to be protected at all costs. That I was so lucky and grateful to have her as a mum.

I never would have expected that at 39, I'd decide to go no contact with her.

"I used to love Mother's Day. And my mum." Image: iStock

RELATED: Please save my bedsheets on Mother’s Day; give me this instead

"I felt sick clicking unsubscribe... but what choice did I have?"

How do you go from absolute adoration, and conviction that you could never live without someone, to cutting all communication?

I got it, now.

Just like with my best friend from school and the workplace I once attended with a passion, one day, it's possible to just have had enough.

I awakened from those experiences suddenly, and can pin point to the day when I suddenly saw things clearly.  The situation was doing more harm than good. I wasn't getting anything from it. It was no longer helping grow or glow.

And so it happened with my mum. One day I discovered her secret, and that I'd been manipulated my whole adult life. That I'd been blocked from having a father, because of her.

I instantly felt dead in my heart. It was bizarre. But as soon as hearing the truth, the switch went off. And I just, quite simply, went numb. I'd even go so far as to say, indifferent.

I wasn't even angry; I was simply done.

I tried for ages to examine my feelings and search for any spark from our lives together -so many memories, so much love. Would I change my mind one day? What would it take to do that? No, and nothing.

So when I saw the email from the Iconic, giving me another choice about my mum, it was simply a natural reflex reaction to unsubscribe.

Because, suddenly, I no longer had a mum.

Originally published as 'I never thought I’d be opting out of Mother’s Day emails'