I didn't realise how much I needed a break until I was away from my kids

"I ate when I was hungry and I didn't think about if there was a kid-friendly option or a high-chair."

I want to start off acknowledging how EXTREMELY privileged I am to have been a holiday with my husband and without my kids. I have three kids; three very active boys at that, and while I love them - I had a ball without them when we went away. My husband and I were lucky enough to travel (and yes, we were both working) to New York. The place we used to live before we had children - so many memories. 

And while I missed my kids - even more than I thought I would - I would recommend a parent-only trip to everyone.

After getting off the plane, I felt 10 years younger - even though I have physically aged (thanks ageing) - when I left there in 2014, I didn't have kids, so here I was again back in NYC, no kids.

Even though New York has changed a lot over the years, some things never change! I picked up where I left off.

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Suddenly, my day was my own again - I had forgotten what that was like. To be in control of your own day.

And it was during this time, while I marched some 20,000 steps a day (ok that was a brag!) as a tourist, that I had some important revelations about my life.   

I deserve a break - as do all parents

I didn't realise the stress and angst I was carrying before I left. Which I was loading and off-loading onto my family.

Now that I'm home, back into the swing of things - sadly the stress of the day-to-day didn't take long to return either - I am going to take more breaks for myself.

I don't expect to go away my children again, but I am going to schedule in girls-nights, self-care, and make sure my health is a high priority too. My boys had an opportunity to see their mother take the time to care for herself. I want them to know that it’s okay to do what you love – even if you have children – and enjoy a rest when you need it.

A mum on empty is good for no one! 

Had my Gossip Girl moment on the steps of the MET. Source: supplied

The mental load lifted

Before I left, the kids' schedule was more detailed than a celeb on a press tour.

I knew for the time I was away, they would be ok, more than ok! Their every move was coordinated, so I could step away from obsessing - and being asked about it!

While on the topic of questions, that was a biggy; with my husband on his working trip and the kids back home, he stopped asking me a million and one questions. Like, lunchboxes, playdates, parties, after-school activities, the weather - yes he has a phone but for some reason, I'm the weather person in the house.

On our trip, the questions subsided, there were only a handful about my day ahead, where dinner was that evening. And I loved it! 

I couldn't believe the relief I felt and will try keep the heavy load at bay for as long as I can. 

Went to visit Kleinfeld, where I used to work. Source: supplied

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I think about food, a lot - not for me! 

My kids meals are on my mind - all day erry day, 'did they eat a variety of veggies', 'what's for dinner', 'do I have enough snacks', 'is there bread for lunches.' The list is endless. This kid likes dairy, while the other doesn't - one will only eat green apples if the moon is Venus-rising.

Yes this comes back to my mental load. Especially with a 15-month-old meal times take up a lot of thought space. I have two fussy eaters, and want to make sure the third isn't as complex as the other two. 

While I was away, I ordered my food. I ate when I was hungry and I didn't need to think about if there was a kid-friendly option on the menu or high-chair. A note to all mums, please remember to eat during the day. I also realised that when I'm with the kids, I don't sit down to eat and appreciate the meal I'm eating.  

Thoroughly enjoyed my meals. Carrot cake from Carbone and Jello shots from Champers. Source: supplied

My relationship is strong

The most important revelation of all, my husband and I have a strong relationship. We, as a couple, do exist outside the realm of our kids. At home, when we see each other as we sit down  to eat after bedtime or when he's home from work, which is on the couch, trying to find a show that we both want to watch. Most of the convo centres around the kids and who's on drop-off/pick-up.

We reconnected, and while we shared stories from our parents about the kids, we talked about more than the kids. For couples who have young kids I would highly recommend a trip away - even if it's just for one night - trust me your future selves with thank me. There's often a stigma for putting your relationship over your kids but it's important. As a couple you came together before kids, and once they move out, it'll be just the two of you again.

I also want to reinstate our date nights - something that we’ve let slip.

Finally, I just want to give a heartfelt thank you to everyone who cared for our children while we were away; because they made my revelations possible. Knowing my kids were safe and loved made our trip that much more enjoyable - and I needed that more than I could have known. 

Originally published as I didn't realise how much I needed a break until I was away from my kids