‘I counted how many times my kids said ‘mum’ in one day. The tally was wild’

“Can you imagine any other job where you have your focus broken every few minutes?"

If you’ve ever needed validation for feeling drained and exasperated after looking after children, I have it for you. 

Every default parent, (hello mums), knows the feeling of being interrupted by a child, endlessly.

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing; sitting on the toilet, taking a phone call or laying down to rest – there is little that will stop a child shouting ‘muuuuum’.  

You’re often left wondering, ‘how many damn times can my kid say my name?’ 

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

RELATED: I was too cool for the school WhatsApp group… until I started one

Well, one Aussie mum has done God’s work to validate the primary carers. 

After noticing her children, aged two and four, demanding her attention more than usual, Melbourne mum Jasmine counted all the requests in one day. And the tally is wild. 

“My husband and I were talking about how constant the calling for ‘mum’ was. Even though he'd be standing closer to them, they would shout my name,” she tells Kidspot.

“It's not just hearing the word, it’s the mental and physical interruption as well as the request that follows,” she says. “I was interested in how many interruptions I had, shifting my focus from other tasks required of me.”

Mum was interrupted every few minutes

Sparked by curiosity, and to prove a mother’s mental load, the stay-at-home mum filmed a video counting her kids calling her name.

The morning was hectic – Jasmine had a tally of 88 ‘mums’ and it wasn’t even 9am yet. 

By day’s end, Jasmine had been called for 234 times. 

That’s an average of 18 requests an hour. Or an interruption every three minutes. 

Over a year, that’s a grand total of 85,000 ‘mums’.

“I honestly thought it was going to be more, but when I broke down how often in a week or year... it seemed astonishing,” she says. 

“Could you imagine any other job where you have your focus broken every few minutes? It would feel very hard to get your job done.”

“Mothers can be grateful, and it can still feel hard”

Jasmine posted the video to her business page on TikTok, Flown Oak, where it was viewed 844,000 times. 

Mums online felt seen.

"It’s the equivalent of receiving 234 emails that need immediate attention and the majority result in tantrums. Exhausting”, one user commented. 

However, other people accused Jasmine of being an ungrateful mum.

“What a blessing to have this problem,” one person wrote. Another parent said, “I think you need to be thankful for what you have… some people never hear it.”

Jasmine wasn’t surprised by the judgement but felt sad seeing how strangers treat others on the internet. 

She knows better than anyone else the privilege of a healthy child calling her name. Jasmine took to the comment section to share her baby boy died three years ago. 

The grieving mum donates proceeds from her business selling postpartum feeding blankets to the Stillbirth Foundation Australia and Still Aware in his honour. 

“We have no idea what people have going on behind closed doors,” she says. “It was a reminder that people should be more curious before they judge a 58-second video of someone’s life.”

While the comments to “appreciate” her children while little were well-meaning, Jasmine admits she’ll never “romanticise” being a toddler mum.

“This was highlighting one element of being a fully present mother,” she says. “Two things can be true at the same time. Mothers can be grateful for their family, and it can still feel hard at times and that's okay.” 

Image: TikTok/flownoak

RELATED: Dad’s poem warms hearts: ‘I’m a tank in a tiara’ 

Parenting stress and overwhelm can lead to burnout

Psychologist Dr Pree Benton agrees. 

The Melbourne doctor – who has an interest in perinatal mental health – often sees women not feeling listened to and struggling against societal pressures placed upon them. 

“Research and anecdotal evidence show a mother’s mental load is already overflowing, and this has negative implications for their mental health,” she tells Kidspot.

“This is just from the sheer volume of tasks mothers are juggling to keep the family and household running... adding to this the constant responding to requests from children can really tip things over the edge.”

Dr Benton says hearing ‘mum’ all day is overstimulating because it splits a mother’s attention, distracting her, so it takes longer to finish a task - if at all. It’s also a constant reminder of how responsible a mum is, and must be, for her children.

If parenting stress and demands outweighs support, it can lead to parental burnout, which negatively impacts a child, and worsens a parent’s mental health, Dr Benton warns. 

Resentment can also build in relationships if both parents do not share demands, or one adult ignores a child’s needs. 

Jasmine admits having little time for a break, especially when her husband is working 13-hour shifts, can add to her concentration and overwhelm struggles. 

“Sometimes I need 20 minutes of quiet to reset and I'm good to go, but when you don't get that break it really stacks up and has the biggest impact on stress levels.”

What can mums do to help to lessen the demands?

• Give kids more responsibility: Depending on age, Dr Benton says kids should be more autonomous. Instead of finding an item they have requested, help them look, then with time, encourage them to do it themselves. 

• Set a mum-time timer: Put on an alarm, and set a boundary, that no one asks mum for anything (unless it’s an emergency) for a specified time. This teaches kids to be patient and have delayed gratification.

• Delegate all requests to your partner: Even if for an hour, all requests for mum go to the other adult in the house. And they need to be proactive with responding. 

• Only respond to priorities: Answer bids for connection or time-sensitive issues like finding shoes to leave home. For simple demands, leave kids and see what happens.

• Just wait: Notice where you want to jump in and fix things because it’s easier or quicker. If there is space and capacity, let kids fend for themselves. 

Originally published as ‘I counted how many times my kids said ‘mum’ in one day. The tally was wild’