Child-free friendship group bans new mum from social events

"It is an unfair and entitled expectation that her friends need to tailor their behaviour for her kid. Life does not work like that."

When people in your circle of friends start going through significant life milestones ahead of the others, it can strain the previously close bond you once had. 

These milestones may involve entering serious relationships, getting married, or starting families.

A woman recently confessed that her friend, who had a baby this year, insisted on bringing her newborn everywhere, which "changed the group dynamics".

The baby prevented them from doing things they used to enjoy together, like drinking alcohol, so the group simply started hanging out without her.

Now, she wants to know if she's in the wrong for excluding the friend on a group trip.

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"It's a downer for the rest of us"

She took to Reddit to explain: "One of my (F24) friends, Anna (F24) had a baby around six months back. Our friend group is otherwise childless. All of us used to hang out a lot before the baby was born. Baby changed dynamics because Anna wanted to bring the baby everywhere with her and it's a baby."

"We tried to plan things around baby to include Anna but it always ended up badly. We shouldn't drink, because Anna can't drink.

"We shouldn't be loud because the baby needs to sleep. The icing on the cake is that her baby is extremely fussy and cries all the time. It was just a downer for the rest of us. So we started hanging out without Anna and her baby."

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Things came to a head when the rest of the friendship group went on a staycation last week without Anna, and they posted about it on social media and the mum realised she had been left out.  

"I tried telling her it was a last-minute plan and we could only find a child-free resort", the woman said, but Anna caught her out, "sending pics some random family had posted with kids at the resort."

The OP continued: "She kept forcing me and I told her we did not want to hang out with her baby. She asked how can I say that about her baby. I asked her to leave it at that but she wouldn't. I finally told her it's a baby and we are all young. We don't want to live our lives around a baby she chose to have. We got to do adult stuff and party all we wanted. Her baby is the only reason she wasn't invited.

"If she leaves the baby at home she can come too. She got p***ed off at me and called me an a**hole. She also sent a text in the group chat saying she is disappointed in all of us for excluding her just because she is a mum. Half of our friend group thinks I should not have told her the real reason and is mad at me. The other half thinks she is unreasonable."

Image: IStock

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"It is an unfair expectation that her friends need to tailor their behaviour for her kid"

In the comments, mostly everyone supported the woman. 

One said: "You tried to let her down easy, and she kept on asking. Her life is different, and she probably just needs to find a different set of friends, one that more closely aligns with her interests."

A second wrote: "Here's the cold hard truth - a baby changes your life. The things you used to do you can no longer do.

"Your friend misses her pre-baby life which is why she wants to be included in all of your hangouts. While this may be cool some of the time it is not cool all the time. Your friend's lifestyle has now changed but her trying to force those changes on you?! Yea, NOPE. Your friend's choice to have a baby has impacted her social life but she cannot and should not impose those changes on you."

"As a friend, suggest she finds some mummy groups," said a third.

"She will meet mums that she can relate to in a way that you and your friend group cannot. Also if you all want to maintain the friendship perhaps have one baby-friendly get-together every month or every other month or perhaps ask her if a family member can babysit every so often so she can meet you guys for brunch or dinner.

"She chose to have a baby and that baby is now her responsibility. It is an unfair and entitled expectation that her friends need to tailor their behaviour for her kid. Life does not work like that."

Originally published as Child-free friendship group bans new mum from social events