Bride refused to let her stepdad walk her down the aisle for petty reason

"When I explained that he wouldn't be performing the 'fatherly' duties at our wedding, he wasn't very happy about it."

A woman has sparked debate online after admitting she doesn't want her stepdad to walk her down the aisle at her upcoming wedding. 

"AITA for not agreeing to my stepfather 'giving me away' during my wedding?" the 27-year-old bride-to-be wrote to Reddit's AITA forum.

She explains: "My mum married Phil* when I was almost 22. I was very supportive of her relationship as Phil is a great guy and my parents have been divorced forever.

"It was time that she found someone and I was happy that she isn’t alone anymore. However, I made it very clear that while I would love and respect him as her husband, he will never be my father."

Instead, she said she thought of him "more like a relative."

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"I don’t want him to participate in my wedding like a father"

But when she told her mum that he wouldn't be performing the 'fatherly' duties at her upcoming wedding, she "wasn't very happy about that."

"We’ve started talking about the guest list and ironing out the details of the wedding when my mum said that as per my culture, Phil will have to give me away," she explained.

"I called that b*llshit (not in those exact words) because when my mum remarried, my grandma was the only one who gave her away, and that caused no problems.

"When she realised that this didn’t work, she told me that it would be very insulting to Phil if he didn’t get the respect he deserves. I said yes, and he’ll be attending the wedding, but not as my father, as I’ve always made very clear. She went on to say that I’m not accepting of her relationship, that I’m making a mess of her life, as this will cause a strain on her relationship with Phil, etc.

"We got into a fight, to which she said fine - the best solution is that you get married in city hall so that we can avoid all this, to which I said, I don’t want to. She then said, she’ll let Phil know that because of this, it’s best if he doesn’t come to the wedding and I said that’s her call. I would want him to be there, but that’s up to her."

They ended the call on a bad note and haven’t talked since.

She concluded her post: "I am very close to my mum since she’s done a lot for me as a single mother and don’t want to hurt her. At the same time, I don’t think it’s fair for her to keep expecting all this from me. While I respect Phil, I don’t want him to participate in my wedding like a father."

She later updated her post with some context. "I am not close to my real dad. He’ll be invited to the wedding as a courtesy, but will not be a part of anything and will attend as a guest if he decides to come. Also, my mum will be paying for half the wedding."

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"He did not raise you as a father figure"

The top comment laid out some important points.

"1. It’s not your mother’s wedding.

"2. It’s not Phil’s wedding.

"3. Phil is not your father and did not raise you as a father figure.

"4. It is your wedding."

Another commenter wrote: "NTA. I find it very weird that your mum does not see the sensitivities around this. Have you spoken to Phil about this directly? It sounds like your mother might be the only one who has a problem with it, maybe because she feels this devalues her marriage in some way? Maybe he can help settle this with your mother."

And this person echoed those thoughts, suggesting there might be something deeper at play: "You mention that Phil’s a great guy and your mum seems to be overprotective of his feelings. Your mom states that your wedding will put a strain on their relationship. This makes me think that there is already a strain on the relationship and that your mother is super insecure. There might be something deeper at play here."

"Your mother and possibly Phil (if he agrees with your mother) are being ridiculous. You were an adult when your mother married Phil, so you never saw him as a father figure. Which you made clear to both of them from the beginning of their relationship," someone else wrote.

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Originally published as Bride refused to let her stepdad walk her down the aisle for petty reason