Aussie mums put their dreams on hold for their children

AUSTRALIAN mums are sacrificing their own dreams to pursue what their children want and it is taking its toll.

EXCLUSIVE

MUMS are sacrificing their own personal passions to give the best to their children.

New research shows 77 per cent of Australian mums are putting their own desires on hold to chase those of their children.

Since becoming a mum 59 per cent of Australian women have all but stopped pursuing their passion or interest with one in five stopping completely.

The data, commissioned by Go People and conducted by PureProfile, found the average mum spent over 10 hours a week doing soccer runs, dance or swim classes among other things, in the pursuit of their children’s happiness.

This is more than double the four hours a week the average mother gets to herself.

The most common activities taking up Aussie mums’ time, according to the 1001 women surveyed, are family commitments (78 per cent), domestic chores (66 per cent) and careers (36.6 per cent).

REVEALED: Kids to splash the case on Mother’s Day

Mums need to find time for themselves. Picture: Getty

The most popular hobbies or interests mums had before having children included reading/writing (42 per cent), travel (39 per cent), music (36 per cent), cooking (33 per cent) and craft (26 per cent).

A total of 18 per cent of mums have totally stopped their hobby or passion since giving birth, 59 per cent have reduced the time they have to spend on their hobby or passion and 23 per cent still manage to make time for their hobby or passion.

Six per cent of mums said they got no time to themselves each week and 30 per cent got under 2 hours of “me time”.

But in true mum fashion 34 per cent of respondents said they wanted to spend quality time with their kids this Mother’s Day. While 24 per cent said “a bit of me time” and 12 per cent said “sleep”. These all rated well above flowers, chocolates, beauty products or fashion items.

Derek McCormack, Acting Executive Director of the Australian Government-funded parenting website raisingchildren.net.au, said the demands of modern parenting life meant it was easy for parents to forget about their own needs.

“But when mums — and dads — take time for themselves this helps the entire family,” he said.

“This can be hard to fit in but building ‘time for you’ into your daily and weekly family routines can help you get into the habit of self-care and once you have developed that habit it becomes easier to maintain.”

Executive director of The Parenthood Alys Gagnon said often parents forgot that they needed to model self-care to their children.

“I think as parents we all need to get better at saying no and we need to stop this crazy idea that your kid has to do a sport and play an instrument and go to every class birthday party and make sure we are making time for ourselves too,” Ms Gagnon, a mum-of-two who also pursues her passion of quilting, said.

She said the brunt of losing passions was taken on by mums, and that mums and dads should share the responsibilities more in order to give both parents a reprieve.

Rose Cantali, family psychologist, said because parents today wanted their children to have everything they in turn could be placing too much pressure on the children themselves.

“They are driving their children to the point where they are feeling a lot of anxiety and depression and lot of kids give up mentally and can’t cope,” Dr Cantali said.

Research in 2010 showed Australian children spend relatively small amounts of time with their fathers, without their mothers also present.

Ben Phillips, Associate Professor of public policy said women still very much took on many of the responsibilities to do with the children and so would certainly have less time for themselves.

“Women tend to not only doing more in paid workforce continuing to do all the work they were anyway in raising children,” he said.

Kids need time to themselves as well. Picture: Crispin Rodwell

Top five tips on taking time for yourself

Have a plan.

Consider building defined family routines that include ‘your time’ — if you have a family timetable that includes your activity you may be more likely to stick to it.

Make a list.

Think of the things you enjoy — even the small things — and look at it regularly, trying to do one thing on the list every few days — and especially on the weekend

Learn to say no.

Reconsider things that aren’t essential and might but too much strain on your time — if you find this hard, assertiveness courses can help you set boundaries without feeling guilty.

Focus on sleep and diet.

Good nutrition and adequate sleep will make you feel better and help you take a positive approach looking after your own needs.

Find ways to laugh.

You can’t feel anxious while experiencing joy, so look for ways to see the funny side of things, whether that’s watching a funny TV show or talking with a friend who makes you laugh.

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