I flew Bonza undercover ... and this is what it's really like

I got my mystery-shopper hat on to see just what the airline was like on any random day, after the fanfare of a new launch has quietened down. It blew my mind.

Now that the fanfare has died down ... what is Bonza actually like?

Midnight Oil is broadcasting through the terminal speakers when I check in for my first flight with Bonza - destination, Sunshine Coast.

It’s an appropriate soundtrack for an airline whose tagline is “Here for Allstralia”, aiming for more accessible travel for the masses with lower airfares and new regional routes.

I’ve got my mystery-shopper hat on to see just what the airline is like on any random day, after the fanfare of a new launch has quietened down. Conveniently, I’m departing from Avalon, 20 minutes from my home in Geelong, and (for an Avalon newbie more used to Melbourne’s hectic Tullamarine) it’s all suspiciously easy. The carpark is as stress-free as a visit to Bunnings; check in is quick and painless.

Crew on board Bonza's new plane.

At present, if you want to book with Bonza (or even just check what days and times they operate) you need to download their app, making comparing options and prices with other airlines complicated. If you’re not tech-savvy, you can get a Bonza agent or travel agent to make bookings for you, for a fee. It’s an annoying hoop to jump through but once on board, there’s plenty to smile about.

I’m on a brand new Boeing 737-8 called ‘Sheila’ and it’s noticeable just how shiny everything is. The fuselage glistens, the seats are immaculate. There’s plenty of legroom, USB ports and power points, and the engines are so quiet I can actually hear everything the captain says rather than a cryptic muffle.

The full network map for new Aussie airline Bonza.

Flight attendants - sorry, “Bonza legends” - are dressed ready for action in white t-shirts with purple trim, dark pants and white leather sneakers emblazoned with a purple ‘b’ (the optional lilac suit jackets feel a tad Miami Vice). These guys want to be here. “Hey, how are you?” says one with such smiley genuine interest that I wonder if she’s a long-lost acquaintance I’ve embarrassingly forgotten.

Safety information cards are all that’s in the seat-back pocket. It’s back to the app for all food, drink and entertainment, and this is where I begin to love technology. As soon as the seatbelt sign is turned off, the shop is open and I can order what I want, when I want.

The planes are shiny and new. And they have classic Aussie names.

I choose a glass of Sirromet Rosé and a bag of Tasmanian Ashgrove cheddar balls (both delicious) and they’re delivered to my seat minutes later ‘waiter-style’ on a serving tray. This. Is. The Future. No more trolleys clogging up the aisles, none of the excruciatingly slow wait for one to eventually arrive (only to find out that the thing I wanted it out of stock), and no more needing to fit in with the trolley schedule. Why haven’t we done this sooner?

Menu options are updated depending on the time and availability – croissants in the morning, sweet potato & hommus sandwiches at lunch. ‘Snag in a bag’ - an homage to the sausage sizzle - disappears from the list when sold out (dammit). Purple Bonza budgie smugglers remain available to the end.

The engines are so quiet you can actually hear what the pilot is saying over the PA system.

Options appear chosen for their Aussie-made, small-batch and ethical qualifications, such as Broome’s Spinifex Lager who donate 50 per cent of profits to veterans’ mental health charities or Lavosh crackers, homemade by a couple on the Sunshine Coast.

Drinking rosé from a purple plastic tumbler isn’t as appealing as a clear ‘glass’ but the upside is that they’re washed, sanitised and reused. Hooray! Wine is also decanted from regular bottles instead of minis, further reducing waste.

Inflight entertainment is played on personal devices: Listnr podcasts, books, games and a suite of informative photography tutorials and go-getting Ted Talk-style presentations. At present, there are no TV shows or movies to zone-out to but at least I learned how to overcome self-doubt and create my Automatic Millionaire financial plan.

The verdict? Two thumbs up. Prices don’t seem as cheap as perhaps anticipated but they got me to my destinations bang on time, with a smile, a wave and a financial plan. Onya, mate!

Originally published as I flew Bonza undercover ... and this is what it's really like