How to finally get better at saying 'no'

Yes, it's possible

Eight easy ways to break free from the 'yes' cycle. Image: Pexels

Occupational therapist and entrepreneur Helen Whait unpacks how to master the art of saying 'no' once and for all. Here are eight easy ways to break free from the 'yes' cycle.

We hear it everywhere – the importance of saying "no" and setting boundaries. 

It's a message repeatedly emphasised in articles, books, and self-help resources. We understand the concept, nod our heads in agreement, and recognise its need in our lives. Yet, our calendars and mental to-do lists often reflect a never-ending stream of commitments and obligations. 

We find ourselves constantly juggling multiple tasks, saying "yes" to every request that comes our way, and sacrificing our own well-being in the process. We're objectively aware of the damaging effects of saying "yes" too often, and yet we continue to do it.

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The truth is, learning to say "no" is a skill that requires practice and intentionality. It's not as simple as uttering the word. It requires a shift in mindset, reshaping habits, and reclaiming our power. 

Take it from me, a woman who has faced huge challenges and learned the importance of saying "no" in both personal and professional contexts. In 2012, I founded Australia's first and only occupational therapy franchise, ActivOT, all while balancing the responsibilities of single parenthood and navigating a near-death experience.

Had I not learned the power of saying "no," I would not be here today. Likewise, my business would not have flourished as it has.

Introspection is the first port of call. Image: pexels

Tips to feel more comfortable saying no 

Here are eight practical tips to help you break free from the "yes" cycle and reclaim control over your time and well-being:

1. Identify the root causes of your need to please

Spend some time reflecting on why you feel compelled to say "yes" so often and how this pattern has impacted your life. Once you are clear on the root cause, take a step back, zoom out and consider the long-term impacts of saying "yes" – what is saying "yes" all the time costing you? 

2. Clarify your why 

Before embarking on your journey to becoming a "no" expert, it's essential to be clear on your "why." Reflect on your values, goals, and aspirations, and recognise that by saying "yes" to everything, you risk diluting your focus and losing sight of what truly matters. Embracing the power of saying "no" enables you to protect your time and energy for the things that align with your purpose and make your heart sing.

3. Use the 'tomorrow test'

When in doubt, use the "tomorrow test" to assess whether saying "yes" is really what you want. Consider how you'd feel if you had to do it tomorrow. Would you be excited or wish you had never said yes? This simple tool can provide valuable clarity and help you make informed decisions.

Stop, process your thoughts and think ahead before answering. Image: Pexels

4. Outsource what doesn’t align 

Recognise that you don't have to do everything by yourself. One effective strategy for saying "no" is to delegate or outsource tasks that don't require your unique skills or expertise. Do you have to do this, or could someone else? Confidently pass it on, knowing it will be completed efficiently and effectively. This frees up your time for activities that truly deserve your attention and passion.

5. Practise saying “No”

Just like any skill, saying "no" becomes easier with practice. Take the time to say it out loud to yourself, experimenting with different phrases that suit your style. Having a repertoire of ready-to-use responses ensures you won't be caught off guard or pressured into commitments you're uncomfortable with. 

Here are a few examples to get you started:

• "That task will be completed more efficiently/effectively by [name or team]."
• "As much as I would love to help out, I have xyz priorities/commitments at the moment."
• "Thank you for thinking of me. I am honoured to be asked, but I think this opportunity might be better suited to xyz instead.” 

It's important to take time and collect your thoughts. Image: pexels

6. Buy yourself some time 

If you find it challenging to say "no" in the moment, asking for some time to consider the request is perfectly acceptable. Politely explain that you need to check your schedule, evaluate your priorities, or simply take a moment to think about it. This approach allows you to gather your thoughts and respond in a thoughtful and authentic manner.

By asking for time and then delivering your response, you demonstrate respect for both yourself and the person making the request. You show that you have taken their inquiry seriously and given it due consideration, even if the ultimate answer is a "no."

7. Reframe ‘no’

Contrary to popular belief, saying no is not a selfish act but rather an act of kindness—to ourselves and to others. 

As women, we often find ourselves overwhelmed by the pressure to please everyone, but it's time to break free from this cycle and prioritise our own needs. It's time to recognise that we are enough and that saying "no" is essential for self-care and personal growth.

Saying no is not a selfish act but rather an act of kindness. Image: Pexels

8. Embrace asking for assistance 

Getting better at saying "no" also involves developing the courage to ask for support when needed. Instead of shouldering everything, reach out to others and invite them to contribute. People generally appreciate being asked. You’re also giving them the opportunity to openly say “no” if they’re not in a position to help. By creating a mutually supportive environment, you strengthen your relationships and foster a sense of collaboration.

Saying "no" is not about being unkind or shutting doors—it's about setting healthy boundaries and prioritising what truly matters to you. By understanding your "why," outsourcing non-essential tasks, practising assertiveness, and embracing collaboration, you can become more confident in saying "no" while maintaining warm and engaging relationships. 

So, start embracing the power of "no" and unlock the possibilities it brings for a more purposeful and fulfilling life and a more focussed and successful business.

Originally published as How to finally get better at saying 'no'