Does your phone use border on 'digital self-harm'?

Yes, it's a thing

You may have already tried placing limits on certain apps. Image: Getty

Any device-led or online behaviours that have a detrimental effect on your mental health could be considered digital self-harm. Here's how to spot the signs - and recover from it.

Last month, two of my close friends holidayed with their families in a tropical island paradise.

We could have been right there with them, sipping margaritas and listening to the soothing strum of a ukelele, but we couldn't get our all ducks in a row to make it work. Instead, I waved them goodbye and felt genuinely thrilled about their upcoming adventure. 

But by the second day of zipping up my puffer in this icy Melbourne winter, I opened Instagram, heart in my shoes at the sight of them all together looking sun-kissed and carefree. 

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For the next several days, I would open my socials obsessively, my chest tightening in anticipation of morphing into that green-eyed monster named FOMO. 

Clearly, I was actively participating in my own special kind of torture, and it might just be something we're all doing nearly every day.

The term ‘digital self-harm’ was initially coined to describe the online exploration of physical self-harm practices. It refers to the exchange of self-harming techniques taking place on online messaging boards such as ‘pro-ana’ - short for pro-anorexia - pages, encouraging new and harmful eating disorder behaviours. But it has since expanded to apply to psychological harm and broader self-destructive digital behaviours.

Dr Rebecca Ray, a clinical psychologist and best-selling author defines digital self-harm as, “Any device-led or online behaviours that lead to momentary or longer-term deterioration in mental health.”

She cites the cumulative effects of being present across multiple digital realms as the root of the problem, listing “the addiction to devices, especially smartphones, lack of psychological safety across multiple online spaces, and the tendency to feel worse about ourselves after engaging with devices or the internet” as disastrous for both our physical and mental wellbeing. 

An important step is to face facts when it comes to your usage. Image: Getty

Have you ever opened social media and felt your pulse rate rise or your stomach tense, as if your body could sense something destructive coming? Have you ever closed your apps and put down your phone, only to pick it back up and open the same apps entirely unconsciously moments later? Smartphone users were projected to exceed 2.8 billion by 2020 worldwide and along with a rapidly growing number of users, there is an abundance of research linking smartphone addiction with mental health, physical health, and neurological problems. 

In 2014, researchers found that people would rather administer themselves with an electric shock than sit alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes. And while this sounds, well, shocking, it comes as no surprise when you consider the extent to which our personal and professional lives are moving deeper ‘online’. 

Dr Erin Bowe, clinical psychologist and author explains: “Essentially, it’s a coping strategy where people are reaching for their phones to distract from or avoid unpleasant emotions like boredom, frustration, or anxiety.”

While it’s not realistic for most of us to fully digitally detox, there are things we can do to reduce the harm. 

Check-in with your mental health

Dr Bowe is no stranger to the effects of digital addiction. In fact, two years ago after growing concerned with how her online life was impacting her mental health, she embarked on her own digital detox.

“I felt shame about being a psychologist and having to admit I felt addicted to social media,” she shares. “I figured I wasn’t going to look back on my life as an 80-year-old and say, ‘I’m so glad I spent all that time on Instagram’.”

Dr Bowe recommends taking an initial measurement of your levels of stress, anxiety and depression using a public domain tool such as the DASS (Depression, Anxiety and Stress Scale). 

“It’s not a replacement for therapy, but it will give you a guide as to how you’re going before and after a detox,” she explains.

Being present across multiple digital realms is the root of the problem. Image: Getty

Look at the numbers

The next step is to face facts when it comes to your usage. There are plenty of tools to help you quantify your digital activity. 

In 2013 researchers developed a Smartphone Addiction Scale (SAS) and you can access an online version of it here. There are also inbuilt programs such as iPhone’s Screen Time that details which apps you use the most, how many times per day you pick up your phone and the number of notifications you’re getting. 

You may well have already tried placing limits on certain apps with a built-in tool or an external application. But if you’re anything like me, after a day or so, your brain stopped viewing it as a barrier and instead, just an extra step in opening your forbidden apps. To combat this, Dr Bowe recommends connecting more deeply to why you want to change your habits. To do this, add up the time you’re losing to mindless scrolling and decide where you would rather invest it. “For me, the time I spent away from social media opened up time to write a book,” she says. 

Curate your online realm

I still wanted to watch my friends’ stories filled with reef trips and sunset cocktails, and as a freelancer, I feel a need to be active on social media for my work. The problems for me arise when there’s a sense of lawlessness in my digital habits, and I’m being drawn in by addictive impulses rather than mindful intent. 

“You can cultivate an online experience based on things and people who are great for your mental health if you approach your digital behaviour mindfully,” Dr Beck explains. 

To do this she suggests, “being mindful of how much time you're spending in spaces that don't feel psychologically safe and result in activation of your nervous system in ways that leave you anxious and distressed.”

Dr Beck has completely overhauled her own social media habits and she advocates for putting your wellbeing above the almighty algorithm. “These days, I ignore all social media advice for 'what the algorithm wants’ and engage on my own terms. I rarely do more than post on my own page and respond to followers before logging off again.”

Lastly, go gently

When trying to combat self-harming behaviours, the best antidote will always be self-compassion. 

“You're not defective if you feel addicted,” says Dr Beck. “There is incredibly advanced technology at play that is designed to prey on human brain chemistry. Be gentle on yourself as you disentangle your digital behaviours that are not so great for your well-being. Small changes can make a big difference.”

Originally published as Does your phone use border on 'digital self-harm'?