Baby dramas inspire Brisbane mum to document touching and traumatic birth experiences

Queensland mum Reshni Ratnam hopes her book, Warrior Women, will expose and normalise the once taboo topics associated with pregnancy and birth, including prematurity, IVF, pregnancy loss and miscarriage.

When Reshni Ratnam was pregnant with her first child she suffered a fall that would set into motion the premature birth of her daughter by 11 weeks.

The day after the fall the healthy the-34-year-old went to the hospital for a check-up.

Thinking it was the right thing and just a precaution Ms Ratnam was shocked to be told her baby had to be delivered immediately – or she would likely die.

Doctors told the young mum her unborn daughter was in distress and had a 75 per cent chance of survival if born immediately and no chance beyond that.

“I will never forget that moment,” Ms Ratnam said.

“Ten minutes later I was rushed to theatre for an emergency C-section. Our nursery at home was not ready and I had only just worked out where the brake was on the pram … I didn’t have the chance to go home and pack my bags and cuddle my dog, Maple.”

Isla was born 11 weeks’ premature and spent several weeks in the Mater Mothers’ Hospital. Picture: Supplied

Tiny Isla was born that day, November 3, 2017, weighing just 1200gm, only slightly heavier than a bag of flour.

The little miracle had to spend two months in the Brisbane’s Mater Mothers’ Hospital – leaving Ms Ratnam and her husband Craig Elmore feeling helpless, anxious and confused.

Thankfully, Isla fully recovered, but incredibly, two and a half years later – the couple’s second child, Rohaan, was also born premature – at 34 weeks, during the height of the Covid pandemic.

It sparked a second tumultuous period in hospital for Ms Ratnam, who was kept isolated from her family and friends because of tight lockdown restrictions.

“Having a premature baby during a pandemic is a lonely experience. With only one support person allowed to visit (my husband) I made sure to Facetime my friends from my hospital bed, my relatives in Singapore and my brother and his wife in Sydney,” Ms Ratnam said.

“I am a very social person, so having to be confined to my hospital room was hard, and the fact Covid was spreading throughout the state was scary.

“I was sent flowers and food hampers from colleagues and friends, and one friend even baked me cinnamon scrolls (which I shared with the nurses who were looking after me) and passed them to my husband in the car park.

Reshni Ratnam’s daughter Isla weighed 1200g, only slightly heavier than a bag of flour. Picture: Supplied

“Having given birth to one premature baby who was in hospital for eight weeks and now expecting another premature baby meant I felt somewhat like a failure. I was struggling with the fact that I could not carry a baby full term.

“I was so on edge with the second baby. I had daily medications to stop my contractions to help keep this baby in as long as possible, plus steroid injections to boost his lungs. I was monitored every four hours, and feared he might die.”

Mr Elmore said when their first baby was born he felt really helpless and there was a strong reliance on trusting the medical professionals.

“We had to trust they had done this all before and the situation was not in our control. It’s a whirlwind,” Mr Elmore said.

“Being able to hold Isla as a first-time dad was emotional. She was so tiny and delicate. “Changing her nappy was scary with all those cords wrapped around her body. Her first nappy was so tiny it fit in the palm of my hand.”

Reshni Ratnam with her daughter Isla. Picture: Supplied

As a “pandemic dad”, I looked forward to my wife and son coming home. I was at home with Isla and I knew they were in safe hands.

“Other than supporting my wife and family, you just have to get on with things. It’s a tough situation but it’s day by day,” he said.

He said seeing his children fed through a tube 1ml at a time was difficult.

“But I look at them today and am so proud of how far they have come, and us as a family unit,” he said.

During this time of mixed emotions, Ms Ratnam, a journalist at News Corp, turned to her other passion – writing.

She began documenting her own struggles, and then reached out to other women who faced heartbreaking challenges on the road to motherhood.

The result is Warrior Women, a 150-page book.

Craig Elmore cuddles his daughter Isla for the first time. Picture: Supplied

Ms Ratnam said she hopes the stories will expose and normalise the once taboo topics associated with pregnancy and birth, including prematurity, IVF, pregnancy loss, miscarriage, surrogacy and genetic disorders.

“The book is written from the heart,” she said.

“As a premmie mum, I know what it’s like to be on tenterhooks, sitting beside your child in a Neonatal Critical Care Unit (NCCU) where they are connected to a machine and the odds are stacked against them.”

Warrior Women is a compilation of 20 inspiring stories, including one bravely shared by Maeve Terare, who formed a special bond with Ms Ratnam during the long days and nights she spent in Mater’s Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

Ms Terare, an Ipswich mum, knows all too well the highs and lows of pregnancy and birth.

In 2017, her son Elliott was born at 23 weeks, and sadly could not be saved.

Following another challenging pregnancy, Ms Terare’s daughter Tallulah was born later that year, at 26 weeks weighing 940g.

“It is a hard, emotionally draining and scary time after a loss or if you have a seriously ill baby,” Ms Terare said.

“As it got closer to Tallulah’s due date, I watched the other babies in our pod come off oxygen and my baby just didn’t seem to cope without it. We were sent home with oxygen tanks.”

Isla, is a happy and fun-loving three-year-old. Picture: Supplied

Rohaan, was born during the pandemic in 2020 and features in Warrior Women. Picture: Supplied

Each year, more than 2000 seriously ill and premature babies from southeast Queensland and northern New South Wales are taken to the Mater Mothers’ Hospitals’ NCCU at South Brisbane, to receive around the clock specialist lifesaving care.

Mater Neonatologist, Dr Luke Jardine, who cared for Ms Ratnam’s premmie babies, said the NCCU could be a frightening and complex environment for parents to navigate.

“When parents find out they are pregnant they envisage an uncomplicated pregnancy with baby born at full term, but for many their road to parenthood starts earlier than expected and the NCCU environment can feel overwhelming,” Dr Jardine said.

Warrior Women also reveals how human donor milk is helping sick and preterm babies throughout Australia.

The director of Neonatology at the Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital, and director of The Queensland Milk Bank, Dr Pieter Koorts said he hoped his contribution to the book would attract more donors.

Reshni and Rohaan, who was born during the pandemic on Mother’s Day 2020. Picture: David Kapernick

Isla with the first copy of Warrior Women. Picture: Supplied

Dr Koorts said the Queensland Milk Bank reached 1000 donors in 2020 and had pasteurised and distributed more than 8000L since opening in 2012.

“One litre can meet the needs of 50 babies as many preterm babies only start on 1ml every three hours, which means a litre of liquid gold as it is often called, can go a long way,” he said.

Ms Ratnam, who has also donated more than 25L of breast milk to the Qld Milk Bank, said there was a need to encourage more mothers to talk about their difficult journeys and be supported.

“The experience of having a baby come into the world not as expected is life changing,” she said.

“Without support, this overwhelming and traumatic experience can have lifelong effects.”

Warrior Women is available online at Amazon.com.au, Barnes and Noble and other online stores.

For more details visit reshniratnam.com or follow @ReshniRatnam on Instagram