Abbie Chatfield on sex, public shaming and speaking her mind
The sex positivity queen speaks up
Lifestyle
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The straight-talking queen of reality TV, podcaster and champion of sex positivity opens up to Body+Soul about finding love, her ADHD diagnosis and why she’ll never stop speaking her truth.
Abbie Chatfield is draped across a chic, white lounge chair in a slinky pink gown, fingering a maroon riding crop while she passionately discusses how she feels about shower sex. It’s undoubtedly a scene that many of her fans would fantasise about, and while it’s certainly very erotic, it’s also just another day in the office for one of Australia’s most popular Bachelor alumni.
Shower sex is a hard ‘no’ according to the television star. “Too much friction,” she squeals to the crew on her cover shoot for Body+Soul, who join the discussion, weighing in with their own feelings about getting it on under the faucet.
So if shower sex is a turn-off, Body+Soul poses the question to Chatfield about what does, in fact, turn her on, to which she giggles and replies, “Chest hair, curly hair, being a musician… Okay, yeah, I’m just describing Adam.”
‘Adam’ is Adam Hyde, one half of Australian band Peking Duk. The pair had been friends for years before things developed into a relationship, which Chatfield revealed on her podcast in June after months of media and public speculation. “I’m seriously obsessed with him,” she gushes on the set of our shoot.
While shower sex is not the usual topic of conversation journalists and social media editors find themselves having at the studio, there’s something about Chatfield’s unabashedly direct approach to discussing relationships and bedroom antics that loosens everyone’s inhibitions and lips. Somehow, even in the blank canvas of a stark white studio, Chatfield’s candour and ease creates the vibe of a girls’ sleepover, where everyone willingly gossips about their sexual preferences as if they’re a few wines deep and the closest of friends.
Chat by name, chat by nature – that’s the genius of Abbie Chatfield. Since she first hit Australian television as the bubbly Gemini on The Bachelor Australia in 2019, Chatfield has turned being a ‘girls’ girl’ (and what TikTok calls a ‘top-tier yapper’) into not only a viable career, but also an incredibly prosperous one. She may have received what fans of the franchise refer to as ‘the villain edit’ on the show, and was left heartbroken and standing on a rock in South Africa (without one on her finger) in the series finale, but Chatfield got the last laugh.
Since the season ended, she’s built an impressive career as a media personality with fingers in a lot of pies. Now Sydney-based, the star has headlined a national radio show, appeared as a contestant on Bachelor in Paradise and I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! and joined the judging panel of The Masked Singer Australia in 2022. We’ve most recently seen her on the small screen casting her sharp eye and rueful observations over the male contestants on FBoy Island Australia. Then there’s her successful podcast, It’s a Lot, which focuses on sex-positive content, politics, mental health, and important social issues – from toxic masculinity and sexism to body positivity.
Growing up in Brisbane and the Gold Coast, Abbie and her sister, Jolie, were raised by a single mother after her father left when she was born – something she posts about wryly on social media annually each Father’s Day. Chatfield attended an all-girls high school, where she says, “It was pretty good, because we didn’t have any boys being mean to us. Many people assume that would have been a lot worse, but it wasn’t in my experience.”
Her upbringing and childhood is one of the few topics Chatfield likes to keep to herself, explaining, “I don’t really speak about my life before The Bachelor [Australia], ever. I don’t feel like that needs to be public knowledge.”
It’s perhaps why she vehemently rejects the label of ‘oversharer’ she is often tagged with. For anyone familiar with Chatfield’s podcast, they’d know that her talking about everything from her ADHD diagnosis to her own sexual experiences is par for the course in her world. This candid approach has resonated deeply with Millennial and Gen Z women in particular. While Chatfield has often been the subject of public opinion and criticism for talking openly and honestly about sex, she has stayed true to herself, and as a result, has garnered a large and loyal audience.
Even though Chatfield shares many personal stories on her platform, she does it with purpose and intent, “I’m sharing maybe five per cent of things that actually happen in my life. Even the stories that I tell about sex are usually three to six months old, so people don’t know who I’m talking about. I tell stories because they are informative or entertaining, I don’t tell them to be provocative for no reason or to get attention. I also speak about things so other people who experience them know that it’s normal and they’re not alone.”
“Every time I’m announced as a ‘chronic oversharer’, it pisses me off, because what even is ‘oversharing’?”, she fires up. “To me, it feels so dated and redundant to act like talking about sex and relationships is brave or taboo. Times have changed, and that’s a good thing – a big reason many people struggle with their sexual relationships is because they don’t know how to talk about sex in a healthy and confident way.”
Chatfield has leaned into this when it comes to diversifying her career and revenue streams. Sex sells, and Chatfield knows it. With a fan base eager for sex-positive content, and Chatfield’s complete confidence when it comes to talking openly about sexual wellness and health through her various public platforms, the 29-year-old has partnered with a sexual wellness startup company, Normal, to co-create sex toys and accessories in the hope of continuing to normalise conversations around sexual empowerment and pleasure.
The maroon riding crop she’s playing with during the shoot isn’t just for prop purposes, it’s one of several items that make up a new ‘Kink Kit’ she curated with Normal’s co-founders, Lucy Wark and sex coach Georgia Grace (aka @gspot._), due for release on October 14. It also contains cuffs, a blindfold and a sex menu of kinks. Chatfield says she took a very hands-on approach when it came to choosing the pieces to include.
“I feel like kink accessories can seem quite scary to people, particularly when they’re black leather and covered in studs. They often give the appearance of a very masculine look, which is great for some people, but I wanted ours to look really high-quality and sexy. It’s for people who are interested in exploring kinks, and want something more aesthetic and simplified so they feel comfortable,” she explains.
For Chatfield, who holds a degree in property economics, identifying this opportunity in the market not only demonstrates her shrewd business acumen, but also resonates with her passion for bringing conversations around sexual empowerment to the fore and normalising it in public through her social media and podcast platforms.
Being labelled as an ‘oversharer’ or criticised for her candour on topics such as sex is not something Chatfield dealt with frequently before she entered the public eye. “After high school, I had a great group of friends who were feminists and freely able to discuss their sexuality without inflicting shame or judgement on each other. I was kind of in a bubble… because then The Bachelor happened.”
She is, of course, referring to one particular episode when she and that season’s Bachelor – astrophysicist Dr Matt Agnew – were enjoying a date at the beach when Chatfield expressed to Agnew that she really wanted to have sex with him. The public response was a mass shaming directed at Chatfield, who was labelled everything from a ‘slut’ to a villain for daring to admit she was attracted to Agnew and interested in sleeping with him.
“Even today I’m like, ‘What the f*ck?’” she says, still reeling from the experience. “At the time, my friends would watch [episodes] with me and they would look after my phone and delete the absolutely vile messages I was receiving en masse. We’re talking thousands of comments during and after an episode that were saying the most horrific things to me. And for what? I was never bitchy, and I wasn’t mean to the other girls. None of them could even say that I was. All they could say was that I was horny. I think it was a culture shock for the general population. At the time I didn’t even think about ‘owning my sexuality’ or anything like that, I was just vocalising that, as an adult woman, I wanted to have sex with the guy who I had been dating for three months. And for that I was vilified.”
While Chatfield’s learnt coping mechanisms since then, such as deleting unwanted comments, blocking trolls and seeking therapy, shaming is still something she struggles with. “I get upset about it at least once a week. People think I’m some ‘girl boss’ who just gets on with it,” she says, rolling her eyes. “They’re like, ‘Tell me how you do it,’ and I say, ‘I cry and I panic.’”
While Chatfield is well aware that shame is something that is projected onto her by others – especially those who feel threatened by her sexuality and comfort with it – the star also receives an outpouring of support and messages, particularly from young women who feel seen and represented in her stories.
Another champion of Chatfield’s is her boyfriend, Hyde, who she describes as “f*cking amazing”. Just one example? The in-demand muso is called upon at Chatfield’s cover shoot when she realises she accidentally left the Kink Kit at home. Apologising profusely, she brings up her ADHD, which she says finally explains why she constantly forgets things, along with a raft of other idiosyncrasies she never understood about herself prior to her diagnosis last year.
These include jumping around topics when chatting – “Sorry, just ADHD things! I get distracted and go off on tangents… it’s like seeing shiny things and my attention shifts instantly,” she explains, after stopping mid-sentence and shifting gears onto a new topic. She finds her way back every time, though. After a quick SOS FaceTime call, the kit is delivered with a note from Hyde wishing his girlfriend a great shoot.
In true Chatfield style, she’s more than happy to divulge about her desire for her boyfriend, who she’s visibly giddy over. She also knows the public have a vested interest in her relationship, having gotten to know her through dating reality shows. So, it seems fair to ask how she knows Hyde is the real deal.
Chatfield’s answer is telling – and a full-circle moment for the woman who was once shamed for being honest and authentically herself on national screens: “He is the first person I’ve felt completely safe and at ease with, and it’s because we talk openly and honestly about absolutely everything. He’s the most incredible communicator, which is key, and I didn’t realise how important it is until I had it.”
It sounds like Chatfield might have met her match – or certainly someone who can keep up with her candour and enduring authenticity. What moves Chatfield will make next only she knows – but she’ll be sure to tell you all about it on her own terms when the time comes.
Back Chat with Abbie
Want more of this game-changer’s sharp social commentary? Then look no further
See: The Trauma Dump Tour
Chatfield brings her national tour to regional towns throughout October and November following its success selling out across the capital cities last year. Tickets available at frontiertouring.com.
Listen: It’s a Lot
Chatfield’s mantra for her podcast is ‘education but make it fun’, and each episode is as diverse in topics as it is in anecdotes. From sex to mental health, politics and dismantling the patriarchy, it certainly is a lot – but it’s always entertaining. Tune in at itsalotpodcast.com.
Join: Chat(field)
For a daily dose of Abbie’s life, join her broadcast channel on Instagram, where she shares behind-the-scenes footage, observations and pics, and also gives exclusive scoops on any future projects in the pipeline: @abbiechatfield
Styling credits
Look 1:
Rebecca Vallance dress @rebeccavallance
Stylecraft stool @stylecraftfurniture
Look 2:
Zhivago dress, @_zhivago_
Look 3:
Willow top @willow_ltd
Zhivago shorts @_zhivago_
H&M shoes @hm
Look 4:
Eres bra @eres
Zhivago skirt @_zhivago_
Fleur du Mal headband @fleurdumalnyc
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Originally published as Abbie Chatfield on sex, public shaming and speaking her mind
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