7 red flags your relationship with alcohol might be toxic

For me, reaching ‘rock bottom’ was the catalyst for change - but it doesn’t have to be for you. Look out for these subtle signs...

We all have a relationship with alcohol, whether we like it or not. 

That might mean we’re in a casual ‘situationship’ and are keeping things low-key at the moment. Or maybe we’re in a more committed relationship that’s spanned years, maybe decades. 

Maybe you’re just friends with benefits - it’s strictly transactional and there's no feelings involved, or it could be unrequited - you love alcohol but alcohol doesn’t love you back.

In my early 20’s, I was in the latter camp. *Cue the emotional music.* 💔

I loved going out for a night out with my friends, having cocktail after cocktail and dancing until my feet were sore. 

Happy hours were a regular occurrence on weekdays and bottomless brunches were a staple on most weekends.

But sadly, alcohol didn’t love me back. 

Not only did it not agree with my body, I was also just a terrible drunk. I’d do things I regretted, have the worst anxiety the following day and ultimately - my mental health was in the gutter. 

Then at the ripe old age of 24, I had such a scary blackout I decided to give up booze for good. From there, my life opened up, I got my sh*t together and I’ve never looked back. 

For me, reaching ‘rock bottom’ was the catalyst for change - but it doesn’t have to be for everyone. Honestly, I really, really hope it isn’t.

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Is your relationship with alcohol toxic? Image: Supplied

RELATED: How I quit drinking alcohol

The 7 red flags to look out for

Luckily, there are a few red flags you can look out for along the way that could help you reassess your relationship with alcohol before it gets too bad.

Most of them are subtle things and they might be hard to identify because alcohol is so normalised in our society. 

Take for example, your alcohol tolerance is growing. You might just think this is the natural progression of years of drinking combined with getting older. And perhaps it is just that.

But if you find yourself resonating with two or three of the following points, it might be time to have a heart-to-heart with yourself and assess how your behaviour might be affecting your life. 

Kidspot spoke to sobriety coach and founder of Thrivalist, Lucy Quick, to find out some of the signs it might be time to cut back (or cut it out!) 

You set yourself drinking rules but struggle to stick to them.

You convince yourself that you'll only consume a certain quantity, but you find it difficult to stay within that limit. You aim to restrict drinking from Monday to Thursday, yet you often end up indulging on Wednesday.

Your tolerance for alcohol is growing

Do you find you have to drink more now compared to one, two or five years ago to get the effects you’re after? Can you drink others of a similar weight under the table?

Image: IStock

You use alcohol to make everyday tasks more enjoyable

Do you drink to jazz up everyday tasks like helping your kids with their homework, doing household admin or watching TV?

You regularly drink multiple drinks alone

While having one drink to relax alone may be understandable, having two, three, or even four drinks alone raises concerns. 

Why do you find yourself drinking such quantities in solitude? Is it to numb yourself, to escape from something, or to forget? Engaging in this pattern of drinking suggests that you may be using alcohol as a form of self-medication.

You get memory loss and blackouts

Do you often wake up with a sense of bewilderment, questioning how you made it home? Do you find yourself trying to reconstruct the events of the past few hours after a wild night? 

Are there instances when you’re unable to recall anything beyond a certain point in the evening?

You’re getting sneaky

Do you find yourself consciously trying to hide your drinking in some way? Maybe you give your glass a secret top-up when the others are out of the kitchen or you pretend to have your first drink when you’ve already had one (or two)?

Do you lie when asked about how much you drink?

You think about drinking a lot (even when you’re not drinking)

Do you think about drinking obsessively? Counting down the hours until your first drink? 

Mentally beating yourself up over how much you drank last night and scheming about how you’ll drink less moving forward?

RELATED: The seven different types of drinking parents you'll meet at a party

Now what?

Remember, this isn’t about labelling yourself as an ‘alcoholic’ or not. 

In fact, I think binaries like that can do more harm than good. Back when I was 24, the mere thought of a label nearly deterred me from taking action, in fear of being stigmatised.

It’s just about checking in with yourself, doing a bit of a reccy and seeing where your relationship is at. 

And if you ticked a few more boxes than you anticipated, that’s okay. It means that you’re self-aware and no longer in denial. 

To exhaust this analogy a final time, it might be time for a breakup. 

Originally published as 7 red flags your relationship with alcohol might be toxic