12 things you need to know before buying a sex toy, according to an expert
Everything you need to know and more
Lifestyle
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The Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census revealed one in three Aussies use sex toys to get off – which tells us 66% of Aussies don't know what they're missing out on. If you're new to vibrators, here's where to start.
Designed to vibrate, stimulate, pull, push, suck, or massage your erogenous zones, and send your sexual pleasure over the edge, sex toys are without a doubt the best thing since sliced bread.
So when the Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census brought us the news that only one in three Aussies are using a sex toy on themselves or with their partner every two to three months or more, we were a little floored.
Because look, your hand is great and all, and yes, it may get the job done. But for a truly magical masturbation, you need to try a solo sesh with a device. Or better yet, bring it into bed with you and your partner.
At the end of the day, hands are a totally different experience to a toy. And if you aren't using toys regularly, you should be.
Sizzling sexual appetites
The terrific news is that there is plenty of appetite for sexy times with a tool, even if Australians aren't actually making the switch.
According to the Sex Census, 39 per cent of Aussies are interested in sex toys or the idea of introducing sex toys into their lives. And the age group most keen to get off with a gadget? More than half (53 per cent) of 30 to 39-year-olds are interested in exploring sex toys.
“If you feel like there is something missing or something that you want to explore or a new sensation that you want to have, sex toys are such an amazing way to get it,” Gala Vanting, a sex worker and pleasure expert tells Body+Soul.
And her reasoning is gold. “You don’t have to negotiate with them, you do not have to have a relationship conversation with them, and you do not have to worry that they’re going to feel inadequate because they’re not providing the thing that you want,” she explains.
“Toys are really an accessible way to explore sensation without the pressure of them being connected to another human being and I love that.”
An overwhelming selection
We get it though – selecting a sex toy or even walking into a sex shop can be completely overwhelming when there’s so much on the market to choose from.
Just looking at what our survey respondents use to tickle their fancy, we know that 66 per cent vibe with vibrators, 46 per cent decide on dildos, 22 per cent choose cock rings, 19 per cent recruit restraints or cuffs, and 16 per cent pick butt plugs.
“Where we are now is really so, so far advanced, and there are so many different types of toys, and technology has really made them much more accessible and created so much variety,” says Vanting. “It feels like now there are so many ways to expand your sexual repertoire or try something new, whether alone or with a partner.”
However, with so many different price points and so many different features, working out what's important to you when you're buying an appliance can be a big task.
So, in a bid to get more people tackling their tackle with a toy, here’s a list of what you need to know before you fill up your cart.
What to know before you buy a sex toy
#1. Online shopping is great for ideas
“If you're completely new to [the sex toy] world, looking online is a really great way to get a sense of the variety of what's out there,” explains Vanting. It’s also great to get an idea of designs.
“On a website, you might be able to narrow down what’s interesting to you from the comfort of your own home when you can spend as much time as you want researching it,” she adds. “There is a lot that you can get online and there are so many reviews and so many videos where people demonstrate the product.”
#2. You should ‘try’ before you buy
The thing about online shopping, however, is that you don’t get a chance to touch the toy.
“I do always recommend people actually go into a shop and feel the item before they buy it because they're often big investments,” Vanting says. “And maybe it's too heavy for you to hold, or maybe it’s designed in a way that doesn't quite fit your anatomy. There’s so many variables to it.”
#3. Sale assistants are key
“Often you can get someone who knows a lot about everything that they stock and can demo it for you and tell you about it, including the downsides and what other customers have complained about or found less appealing,” explains Vanting. “Because in addition to being retail service providers, they’re also educators and they have a lot of knowledge."
She adds that shops usually train their staff up to “know their stuff” so they can support people and “have those conversations in an environment that is as non-stigmatising as it can be”.
#4. You don’t have to buy anything
“When we go into a retail environment, we can feel pressured to buy something or to buy the thing that the person is recommending to us, so you want to have a lot of clarity about what you want, or even just a wish list, so that you're not necessarily swayed as easily by that,” the pleasure expert says.
“But at the end of the day, nobody's going to give you a hard time if you don't buy anything. People who work in sex shops are so used to that, people coming in just out of curiosity and not necessarily spending money."
"Some are more patient with it than others, but it'll be clear to them if you have a genuine interest or whether you're just exploring and trying to figure out what you want.”
#5. It can help to take a friend
“You may have a buddy who's more literate in this space than you are,” Vanting says, “so it can be helpful to bring them with you.
“You could go with your friend who speaks for you because they've been briefed with your wish list and then they can do that for you and you can just listen in without having to ask all the questions. Or maybe that'll warm you up to the point where you do start to ask questions.”
#6. You need to work out what works for you
Before you even consider what type of toy you might like, you need to think about what sensations scratch your itch, so to speak. And there are a few ways you could approach this.
“The first is to go, ‘Okay, here’s what I already know I like and I want to amplify that sensation, or I want a machine to do that sensation instead of me or my partner’,” Vanting explains. “And then on the flip side, you could go, ‘Okay, I already know what I like and I want to try something completely different’.”
Those answers are going to determine what type of toy you’ll want to use.
“There’s suction toys, there’s vibrating toys, there’s things that have no electronics whatsoever and they’re just a piece of silicon, and what you go for is going to depend on your answer to one of those two questions,” she adds.
#7. You don’t need to drop cash for the big O
Once you’ve worked out what kind of apparatus you’re after, it’s good to get an idea of how much you want to spend.
“I feel like you’re not necessarily going to get a better experience for spending more money,” Vanting says. “So if this is your first one, I would go low because you don't necessarily know if it's going to end up being right for you.”
There are also plenty of different quality versions of the same type of toy.
“For example, there are a million rabbit vibrators out there, like that style is a genre to itself, and then there are a million ranges of quality and function that come within that type of product,” the pleasure expert says.
#8. You should dabble with different devices
If variety is the spice of life, why hold back when it comes to sex toys? And why spend all your money on one item, when you could pick up a few for the same price?
“If you have the budget to maybe buy two lower priced items, you might go, ‘Okay, I’m going to buy one that I already know that I like that kind of sensation’, and then be really curious and go in without an agenda and just see what stick outs to you or gets sold well to you,” says Vanting.
“Then you’ve got a couple of options for what to use when you get home. But if the toy doesn’t deliver in the way that you like, because sometimes they don't, you just have to move on to something else.”
#9. Toys aren’t just for women
Think sex toy and immediately picture a rabbit vibrator, a pulsating bullet or clit sucker? Think again.
“There are so many more toys for men now, and I feel like that did shift a few years ago, when people really started working to satisfy that market,” explains Vanting.
“So in terms of penis-friendly sex toys, a lot of vibrators are for all genitals now, but there are some that are specifically made for penises, like cock rings that vibrate or there are sleeve type things or things that you insert into and they might vibrate or they might have a suction component or they might have no electronics at all.
“But there’s increasingly more on the market for penis owners which is a really cool thing to see because now that we have a better understanding that gender and genitals are not the same thing, that’s opened up so much more expansion in the market, so there’s heaps out there.”
#10. They are perfect for partner play
Whereas sex toys used to be something that we only thought of as a solo activity, there are now so many ways to use sex toys with other people. And our survey respondents already know what’s up.
According to the Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census, 37 per cent of those who play with toys do use them alone, while 28 per cent include them in foreplay and 27 per cent say they feature in ‘couple time’.
“We only have two hands right and they get tired, or your partner might be working with an injury or a disability or something that is physically restrictive, and with toys generally the only restriction they have is battery life,” says Vanting. “So I think they can really enhance play before two or more people.”
Especially if those people live apart.
“The other thing that we see a lot of now is remote-controlled or app-controlled toys,” the pleasure expert says. “These can be really good if you're in a long-distance relationship and want to connect sexually, because you can actually have a sexual interaction using that kind of mediated toy, and that can be really connective and beautiful.”
#11. You don’t actually need to buy a toy
A little at odds with this article, we know, but you don’t actually have to buy a toy to have a raging good time.
“I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be exploratory or adventurous when it is absolutely fine to just run analog and use your hand or whatever else you can find in the house,” says Vanting.
But if you do, know that...
#12. Sex toys are ‘uncontroversial’
“I do think that they’re now a common household item in a way that they weren’t before,” Vanting explains, “where people now feel more compelled to leave them out on their nightstand, rather than tuck them away in a drawer somewhere.
“I think the items themselves are now being taken for granted as a thing that most people have, and it’s almost like a rite of passage to get your first one.
“So actually, they almost feel uncontroversial now.”
So, what are you waiting for? Head to our list of the best sex toys to buy now.
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