The confronting truth about IVF success rates as Jen Tupaea reveals her 10-year struggle

A woman's harrowing decade-long IVF journey has revealed the hidden toll of fertility treatment, with specialists refusing to tell her when to stop trying.

Exclusive: A woman who spent a decade and $100,000 trying to have a baby through IVF wants to expose the cold, hard reality of fertility treatment, describing it as not the “magic pill” many are led to believe.

Jen Tupaea, 39, said her experience stands is in stark contrast to the hopeful narratives the fertility industry peddles and is calling for more transparency on just how many women fail to conceive through IVF.

She said in her attempts to become a mum with her husband Joseph, 43, she has endured six stimulation cycles, four embryo implantations, three endometriosis surgeries and three miscarriages.

She said at times the process has felt “cold and transactional”.

Jen Tupaea wants to expose the cold, hard reality of fertility treatment. Picture: Rohan Kelly

On one occasion as she was in the process of miscarrying, her specialist started discussing dates of when she should “go again”. She also described the practice of writing the number of eggs retrieved on a sticker, left on your arm for when you wake up from anaesthesia, as horrific.

“To wake up and see the number one on a sticker while I was still groggy and on my own was so cold and inconsiderate, I have no words for it,” Ms Tupaea said.

After 10 years of IVF, she said she still has many unanswered questions, believing clinicians are too quick to blame her endometriosis. Only recently was her husband advised to stop vaping.

One of Jen Tupaea’s social media posts where she shared her IVF experience. Picture: Instagram

Another of her social media posts. Picture: Instagram

Staff are also reluctant to say IVF won’t work for her.

“There’s never been a categoric, ‘No, this is not going to happen for you’,” Ms Tupaea said. “So I don’t have any reasons why it isn’t happening. I don’t have anyone saying to me, ‘I’m really sorry, but it’s time to just give this up’. And so you’re left in this limbo of, ‘What if the next time is the right time?’”.

Ms Tupaea, who is the chief operating officer for the Pink Elephants Support Network, which helps people impacted by early pregnancy loss, plans to have one more go at IVF. She has three eggs “on ice” and a fourth endometriosis operation planned.

If that fails, the couple will look into adoption.

She said the physical and mental cost of IVF has taken a toll on them, while the financial cost means they will most likely never own their own home. The IVF rounds, along with several private endometriosis operations, means the tally is now around the $100,000 mark.

Australians do far more cycles of IVF per capita than any other country in the world.

Ms Tupaea, from Sydney, has made a submission detailing her experience to the upcoming NSW inquiry into fertility support.

Surrogate mum, Jennifer McCloy, who pushed for the inquiry, said one in six couples face fertility challenges and one in four pregnancies end in loss, but many incredible medical options “are simply not accessible to the majority of the country”.

Independent embryologist and advisor, Lucy Lines, helps educate people on how to get themselves in the best shape for fertility success. She said Australians do far more cycles of IVF per capita than any other country in the world.

“GPs are too quick to say ‘do IVF’,” Ms Lines said. “Most people will need more than one cycle to conceive, if not, three or four. And I don’t feel like that’s well enough explained to people in the beginning.

“I have a real moral objection to people stepping into IVF without the appropriate preconception, care and support.”

Originally published as The confronting truth about IVF success rates as Jen Tupaea reveals her 10-year struggle