Angela Ceberano: The 12 things I wish I knew before undergoing 20 rounds of IVF

IVF has been the hardest yet most meaningful journey of Angela Ceberano’s life - leading to her “miracle baby boy”. But after doing 20 rounds, these are 12 things she learnt.

Eight years ago, my husband Phil Ceberano and I embarked on our fertility journey.

After numerous doctor visits and a heartbreaking miscarriage, on Mother’s Day, no less, we turned to IVF. The process was daunting, both physically and emotionally.

We started treatment at Monash IVF, undergoing three unsuccessful rounds. Instead of hope, we were left with grief and anxiety. We were among the 700 patients affected by a devastating embryo mishap, which led to a $56m settlement after inaccurate genetic testing destroyed potentially viable embryos. I’ll never forget the call we received, on a Sunday morning, from a receptionist informing us of the mistake. The call only came after the Herald Sun exposed the issue publicly. Transparency? Far from it.

Angela Ceberano and her husband Phil Ceberano with their son James-Henry. Picture: Jason Edwards

Determined to keep going, we switched to Number 1 Fertility under Dr Lynn Burmeister. Over 12 more rounds, enduring false starts, miscarriages, daily injections, and countless procedures, our perseverance paid off. On our 15th cycle, we finally heard the words, “Congratulations, you’re pregnant.” Nine months later, we welcomed our miracle baby boy, James-Henry Ceberano. Absolute perfection.

IVF has been the hardest yet most meaningful journey of our lives. I am incredibly grateful for the pioneers of this technology and for doctors like Dr Burmeister, who made our dream a reality.

The couple went through 15 rounds of IVF to have their ‘miracle baby boy’. Picture: Jason Edwards

Since James-Henry’s birth, I’ve undergone five more rounds of IVF. 20 in total. More miscarriages and recently, a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy that resulted in the loss of my right fallopian tube. I’ve learned so much about fertility and IVF along the way.

Here’s what I wish I knew before starting.

1. IVF isn’t a guarantee.

I went into it thinking it was, but the reality is different. At 37, I was shocked to learn my chances of having a healthy baby via IVF were just 4 per cent. Despite the time, heartache, financial strain, and procedures, success isn’t assured. Many women consider egg freezing in the mid-to-late 30s as an insurance policy, but the statistics, especially for older women, tell a different story. Not all eggs become embryos, and even fewer lead to live births. I wish I had been better informed and emotionally prepared before starting this journey.

2. IVF will change you and your relationships in ways you never imagined.
We are not the same people we were when we started IVF. We have become more cautious and deeply affected by the losses and the emotional rollercoaster. I am much more emotional than I used to be, but I am also much stronger. IVF changes how you see the world. Suddenly, you don’t suffer fools, and your priorities shift. If your IVF journey is drawn out like ours was, you will likely lose friends because it’s difficult for others to truly understand what you’re going through. There is a lack of empathy and education about IVF. Some people may get frustrated when you can’t attend events or when you don’t feel like yourself. IVF is all-consuming.

Phil and Angela Ceberano embarked on their fertility journey eight years ago. Picture: Nicole Cleary

3. Be prepared to get selfish.

There is a lot riding on your journey. Initially, we tried to carry on with life as usual, pleasing everyone around us. In hindsight, if I had known how much IVF would consume our lives, I would have approached it differently from the start. Halfway through, we decided to get selfish, create a cocoon, and focus solely on our goal. We disconnected from social events and prioritised IVF. Each day in a cycle was crucial, timing medications, injections, scans, and procedures required our full attention. Letting go of other commitments was necessary.

4. No one cares more about your outcome than you do — advocate for yourself.

You will quickly learn that you need to be your own advocate during IVF. Educating yourself, researching treatments, and considering alternative approaches are crucial. While your doctor will guide you, we didn’t realise how much we would need to take charge of our own journey. For example, I insisted on an egg collection during a routine scan when I noticed multiple follicles (eggs live in follicles), even though I wasn’t actively in a cycle. That decision led to the collection of three eggs, one of which became our miracle boy.

5. Future planning is impossible.

When going through IVF, life is on hold. You must take things one day at a time. Frequent appointments, scans, and blood tests dictate your next steps, making it difficult to plan meetings, activities, trips or events. Being flexible and adaptable is essential.

6. Your partner is feeling this too, a lot.

While IVF is physically demanding on the woman, it is also emotionally challenging for your partner. I didn’t fully appreciate how much it affected my husband. A lot of support was focused on me, but in hindsight, I wish I had ensured he had more support too.

Angela Ceberano says IVF has been challenging for her husband Phil, too. Picture: Jason Edwards

7. The three months before IVF are really important.

It takes three months of healthy eating and lifestyle changes for both partners to produce the best possible sperm and eggs. I was so eager to get started that we jumped straight in, but looking back, we should have taken time to prepare. A great book to read before starting IVF is It Starts with the Egg.

8. IVF is a club no one wants to join, but the members are incredible.

I have met the most incredible, lifelong friends through IVF. Online support groups provide a safe space to share experiences and offer valuable resources and emotional support. The Fertility Collective is a great support network to consider.

9. Your body will no longer feel like your own.

Throughout our IVF journey, I felt disconnected from my body. Physically and emotionally, I struggled. After so many losses, I had to emotionally detach from any positive results to protect myself. The hormonal treatments also made it difficult to distinguish my true emotions from those induced by the medications.

10. You’ll likely need more support than you thought.

I initially had a “I’ll be fine” mindset, thinking I could handle it alone. If you go through just one or two cycles, that might be true. However, if the journey takes longer, additional support becomes essential. Budgeting for services like acupuncture, massage, and fertility counselling can make a significant difference.

Angela Ceberano says IVF is a club no one wants to be a part of but the members are ‘incredible’.

11. You’ll start looking for a money tree.

IVF is far more expensive than it appears on paper. Beyond clinic costs, there are expenses for medications, time off work, travel, organic food, therapy, acupuncture, and anything else that helps you stay in a positive mindset.

12. It’s OK to take a break.

If your IVF journey extends over a long period, taking breaks can be beneficial. I went through many back-to-back cycles, but in hindsight, allowing my mind and body time to recover would have been helpful. A refreshed body and a positive mindset are the best ways to enter a cycle.

Originally published as Angela Ceberano: The 12 things I wish I knew before undergoing 20 rounds of IVF