Can We Talk?: Families open up about managing mental health

New research shows not enough Aussie families are having critical conversations about mental health. But one nightly tradition is this family’s secret to supporting each other.

It’s a rare sight in modern families. Three generations of Emma Styles’ family live under one roof and gather for dinner – device-free – most nights of the week.

The mother-of-two says open communication across the generations is a priority in their home, and they use meal times as an important way to check in.

Mrs Styles, 47, her husband Matt and their teenage daughters moved in with her parents in 2023 after her father Martin was diagnosed with dementia.

“It’s very important to talk openly about what’s going on, otherwise things can get to a point where they can’t easily be remedied,” she said.

“We sit down for dinner and use the rose, bud, thorn exercise, where we all share what was good about our day, what didn’t go our way, and what we are looking forward to tomorrow.”

She said she has always been able to confide in her mum, Barbara Deacy, 72, and her dad, who recently passed away.

And she has always encouraged her daughters, Suraya, 15, and Kenya, 18, to open up to her too.

Emma Styles with her daughters Suraya (15) and Kenya (17). Picture: Tim Joy

“Mum’s health isn’t the best now, but she’s always been there for me when I’ve had mental health issues or relationship breakdowns,” she said.

“And she comes to me now with anything that’s going on, big or small.

“My parents have always been a big support. I always want Suraya and Kenya to know they can come to me with anything awful that happens, and keep those communication lines open.”

But she sets boundaries around what she shares about her life with her daughters, and avoids talking about finances or her own mental health as she doesn’t want to be a “burden”.

Kenya, 18, said she felt comfortable talking to her parents about personal issues, from relationships to bullying and peer pressure.

“Mum will always listen and console me if I need it, and acknowledge that I have a problem,” she said.

“Depending on the situation, she will validate my feelings or tell me how to move on and what to do next.”

She said the stress of Year 12, including schoolwork, bullying issues and a break-up, would have been even harder without her parents’ support.

“My grades would have plummeted, and I probably would have ended up almost dropping out of school,” she said.

Her sister Suraya, 15, turned to her mum and online therapists when struggling with issues including fitting in with peers and social media dynamics.

“WhatsApp and friend groups and chats can cause some stress, and I’ll go to mum because she gets it,” she said.

But both teens said it was harder to be open with their grandma, even before her health began deteriorating.

“I can’t imagine talking to my grandma about serious stuff like my friends or ex-boyfriend… I don’t think she’d understand what I’m going through,” said Kenya.

“I think it’s a generational barrier. She’s had different life experiences to me, and communication is different because she grew up without social media.”

She said it would be helpful if older generations listened more to young people and showed “a willingness to be in a vulnerable state with you”.

Can We Talk? is a News Corp awareness campaign, in partnership with Medibank, helping Australian families better tackle mental wellbeing. To follow the series and access all stories, tips and advice, visit our new Health section.

Originally published as Can We Talk?: Families open up about managing mental health