Foam roller heiress considers ending relationship over bad tattoos

THINGS were already pretty tense on Seven Year Switch when Jackie found out about Tim’s secret tattoo. Oooooh dear.

JUST when you think a ridiculous fight about a foam roller is going to be the dramatic peak of Seven Year Switch, someone goes and finds out their partner got a secret tattoo with another girl and considers a break up.

But let’s leave the future of Jackie’s relationship with Tim hanging in the balance for just a second. Foam rollers aren’t going to make fun of themselves.

On Tuesday night’s episode, Jackie pulls her foam roller out of the cupboard and decides to lay on the floor rubbing her body on it. In case you’re not familiar with what I’m talking about, a foam roller is one of those long foam cylinders at the gym that you try to use because it seems simple but then you give up after 15 seconds because you feel like an idiot and hope no one saw you try.

Jackie scissoring some foam.

So Jackie’s on the floor, foam-rolling her way through life, when Brad pipes up. Some people have strong opinions about politics. Others have strong opinions about foam rollers.

“What’s it doing? That looks so crap,” he observes.

“It’s just like having a sports massage, it’s not a workout,” she explains.

Then she gets annoyed because Brad’s slandered the empire she’s apparently built with nothing but her bare hands and some foam rollers.

“Brad, you do realise I’ve created an entire business around a foam roller, right?”

“I’d rather not do foam rolling. I’d rather get a massage. End of conversation,” he says, storming off.

The whole argument is ridiculous to begin with, and then it spirals.

“Can you stop! I don’t want to talk about it! Just go away! Leave me alone! Stop talking about it!” Brad yells when Jackie persists.

“Brad! Don’t say foam rolling is sh*t!” she yells back.

Over at Jason and Cassie’s, they’re having a raw discussion about their partners being paired together in the experiment. Cassie admits she doesn’t completely trust Ryan and the honesty comes tumbling out of her mouth like a foam roller.

“Ryan is a very flighty person,” she says. “I would love to trust Ryan 200 per cent, however he’s formed an attraction to another girl so quickly in the past. And this girl’s shown interest in him and he’s gone and grabbed onto that.

“I ended up finding Ryan out to be sneaking behind my back, sending emails at 8 o’clock at night on a Friday night — which was unusual behaviour. And then later on, Ryan admitting he actually found this girl very attractive and may have had feelings for her. So that’s what concerns me.”

During a trust exercise, where Jason and Cassie are presented with candid photos of Michelle and Ryan together during the experiment, Cassie can’t bring herself to look at them. Then, given the news they’ll meet each other’s partners, Cassie breaks down.

It all becomes too much for Cassie.

While we feel sorry for Cassie, girlfriend needs to chill because at least her fella isn’t taking his pants off and getting into bed with another woman. That would be terrible. And that’s Tim’s move.

Tallena decides she’s sick of sleeping on the floor and wants to have a good night’s rest in the only bed that’s in the house.

Tim takes the closed bedroom door as an invitation to pull his pants down and get into bed with her.

I don’t know what’s more offensive — Tim’s actions or his cheap underwear.

The following morning, Tallena assures us she got out of the bed 30 minutes after Tim got in and she slept on the floor.

Tim wants to show Tallena his foam roller.

When Tim and Tallena are told they’ll meet each others’ partners, they’re not too concerned. Tallena asks Tim how Jackie will react when she sees his tattoo. You remember the tattoo. The matching ones they both got on their romantic getaway to Airlie Beach to commemorate the fun times.

“I don’t think she’s going to be too concerned about it,” Tim shrugs.

Coincidentally, Jackie and Brad are in the middle of their trust exercise where they look at candid photos of Tim and Tallena together. They come across a lovely snap of their partners getting the matching tattoos. And, unlike Tim’s prediction, Jackie’s quite concerned.

At first she doesn’t think the tattoos are real, but given the photo shows them in a tattoo parlour with a needle zapping at their flesh, Jackie joins the dots and starts to realise they may not be the temporary kind you get free in bubble gum.

“Alright, I’ll put it out there,” she says. “If that tattoo is real, it’s over. Between Tim and I — boom. If there is any chance that tattoo is real. We are 100 per cent over.”

She’s more serious than a foam roller.

Seven Year Switch continues Tuesday night at 9pm.

For tips on how to build your own foam roller empire, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir

Originally published as Foam roller heiress considers ending relationship over bad tattoos