Seth Meyers Emmys host: His best jokes of all time

SETH Meyers will take the stage this year as host of the 66th Primetime Emmy Awards. Can he top Neil Patrick Harris’ sterling performance last year? You be the judge...

Seth Meyers

SETH Meyers will take the stage this year as host of the 66th Primetime Emmy Awards and all eyes will be on the Late Night star to see if he can nail it.

With last year’s Neil Patrick Harris-hosted ceremony bringing in the show’s highest ratings in eight years, the gig sure has plenty riding on it.

This year’s Oscars ceremony, hosted by Ellen DeGeneres, delivered the largest ratings for the awards show in 14 years. So is Meyers up to the task?

The funnyman has already ruled out any singing or dancing for his first Emmys hosting gig, telling E! News he plans on leaving that to the pros: “I can’t sing and I can’t dance. We can leave that to other people. If you’re going to sing or dance at the Emmys, you have to be good at it. It’s not something I want to try out on that night.”

Meyers also admitted he’ll be calling on comedy BFFs Tina Fey and Amy Poehler to come up with a few funnies for him: “I know two very funny ladies who will be getting a phone call from me,” he told Vulture.

First-time Emmys host Seth Meyers has got to be feeling the pressure right about now.

Apparently NBC hasn’t ruled anything out in the way of gags, which means he’s technically free to go hell for leather to hit it out of the park.

Here are 13 of Seth Meyers’ best zingers he’s delivered. You be the judge:

• “President Obama today appeared on the Zach Galifianakis online comedy show Between Two Ferns. The president was there to talk about HIS online comedy show — Obamacare.”

• “IRS: No one needs to avoid scandals more than you. You’re less popular with Americans than exercise.”

• “This year marks the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr’s historic ‘I Have A Dream’ speech. As well as the one year anniversary of my girlfriend’s ‘I had the weirdest dream’ speech. Guess which one was longer.”

• “During a show put on for China’s Fashion Week, three different models fell on the runway — proving it’s really hard to walk and make clothes at the same time.”

• “This week Pope Francis is celebrating his first anniversary as Pope, and he tweeted to his 3.7 million followers ‘Please pray for me.’ I was a little surprised that he hashtagged it, #sohungover.’”

• “The Department of Agriculture is encouraging grandparents to read their grandchildren bedtime stories about nutrition. Stories like ‘Goodnight Kale,’ ‘James and the Giant Organic Peach,’ and ‘The Little Engine That Could, Thanks to His High-Fiber Diet.’”

• “In the wake of the killing of Osama bin Laden President Obama’s approval rating jumped to 56 per cent, his highest in two years. Which shows there is literally nothing he can do to please the other 44 per cent.”

• “You know, if I wanted somebody half-heartedly patting my groin without eye contact, I’d get married.”

• “That’s right, 75 per cent of Americans think marijuana eventually will be legal, while the other 25 per cent said, ‘What, it’s illegal?’”

• “Disney has developed a new video game called Disney City Girl, which lets players shop and work their way up the social ladder. To win the game, you just have to defeat all the progress women have ever made.”

• “Pope Francis told the press today that the Catholic Church could tolerate same-sex civil unions. You know, I think lately when people say, ‘Is the Pope Catholic?’ they’re actually asking.”

• “Huntington Beach, California this past weekend was the site of the second annual Surf City Surf Dog competition … or as the sharks call it, thanksgiving.”

• “The Kremlin announced today that Vladimir Putin and his wife have officially divorced. She’ll get the house and the car and he’ll get Crimea, Ukraine, Belarus …”

Here we go! Seth Meyers rolls out the red carpet at 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards.

Originally published as Seth Meyers Emmys host: His best jokes of all time