Fans don’t need Rise Of Skywalker’s juicy new secrets

Just when you thought Star Wars was done, it’s back again. Like Emperor Palpatine, you can throw it down an exhaust shaft and blow it up but it will still come back.

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Just when you thought Star Wars was done, it’s back again. Like Emperor Palpatine, you can throw it down an exhaust shaft and blow it up but it will still strike back.

The novelisation of The Rise Of Skywalker is out on March 17 but the juiciest bits are already all over the internet, including vital information about Palpatine, Rey and Kylo Ren that was cut out of the movie.

Naturally there’s plenty of extra stuff in the book that could not be squeezed into a movie — some of which will quite possibly make fans’ heads explode.

Daisy Ridley as Rey in Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker.

One of the most interesting bits is the strange husk of a creature calling itself the Emperor Palpatine was actually Voldemort from Harry Potter.

Well, sort of.

It turns out that, just like Voldemort, Palpatine predicted someone might try to bump him off and so had created a clone body for himself. (If you remember — or can be bothered to think about it — the Stormtroopers started life out as clones.)

So when his body was destroyed by Darth Vader in Return Of The Jedi, apparently his Force Ghost had somewhere to go and chill (literally!) for the next 20 years while he waited for a movie company to cash in on the fan base and make a new set of movies.

Now that’s kind of interesting but what is sure to excite a chunk of the fan base is the extra detail about the way Kylo Ren turned back into Ben Skywalker, saved Rey and then died.

Kylo Ren’s death scene plays out in more detail in the new book.

The book contains a longer death scene where Ben apparently uses The Force to tell Rey: “I will always be with you” and Rey “let the truth of it wash over her” before replying: “No one’s ever really gone”.

Luckily it was cut from the movie, as it does make you want to projectile vomit, especially if they stuck a soundtrack of Celine Dion’s warbling song from Titanic over the top.

It makes you wonder. When does more detail become too much detail? Well, obviously when you start having fantasies about a ghostly Ben trying to light Rey’s saber.

But sometimes it is better to leave people guessing. Fans loved The Force Awakens because the story could have gone in any direction.

Chewbacca, Poe Dameron, Rey and Finn live in Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker.

When they filled in the blanks, the reality turned out to be far less interesting than what many fans had imagined.

Still, for all those who imagined the two of them going off and making Force babies, it’s going to require even more tissues to dry their tears. Assuming all tissues haven’t been already panic-bought, that is.

Talking of strange uses for tissues, this scene is also going to excite the pony-tailed, trackpant-clad, basement-dwelling brigade, who can now imagine Force Ghost porn. After all, as Yoda and Luke Skywalker proved, Force Ghosts can start fires and raise X-wings out of the water. So why can’t they get jiggy with it?

And here’s a crazy idea Disney can use in the second season of The Mandalorian — when a Force Ghost and a real being do get busy, what you end up with is a Baby Yoda.

Originally published as Fans don’t need Rise Of Skywalker’s juicy new secrets